"Uh, I dunno dude." Yeah, Good luck Reds fans.
The offseason is a magical time for Cubs fans. In the midst of flying with unicorns and pigs, we all know that THIS year will be our year. It is a time of renewed hope where we, the fans - who have sat waiting patiently at the door like a loyal yet retarded dog for the past 100 years - forget whatever abysmal season that September left behind us.
Without being too optimistic, things are looking up for the Cubs.
First off, they will almost definitely be better than the shitpile on the Southside, who have not only missed out on Torii Hunter but also on Andruw Jones and pretty much any other free agent available (but they DID get Scott Linebrink - REJOICE!). So that in and of itself is always a victory for the Northside. But who knows, maybe Orlando Cabrera will hit .400 and drive in 150. You never know.
Second, the team is eventually going to be sold. In the short term, this has worked out well as the Trib has had no problem shelling out recockulous amounts of cash for anyone who'll come here (see: The Fonz) , while leaving the bill to the next owner. In the long term - anyone is better than the Trib! I still hold out on the 1% chance that Cuban will take us to glory, but it's more likely that Zell will sell the team to someone who will take us to the glory hole.
Lastly, we'll hear anytime now whether the Cubbies will get ahold of the latest asian sensation, Kosuke Fukudome. There are so many possible innuendos with that name that it's reason alone to have him on the team. But if they do manage to get him, they will take care of their largest holes (that's what she said) by getting a lefty who can play the outfield and hit for power. Because clearly, anything is an upgrade over the platoon of suck that was Jaque Jones, Cliff Floyd and Matt Murton (do the carpets match the drapes? )
If the Cubs get Fuku and Felix Pie is even half decent, they really have no major issues in the field. I even hear that they're trying to swing a deal for Brian Roberts - but I'll hold my breath on that one.
Pitching is what bothers me. Crazy Carlos can either be Cy Young or...Crazy Carlos. Ted Lilly is actually solid, despite being Arizona's personal launchpad in the NLDS. After that...who knows. Rich Hill is a mediocre pitcher with 2 pitches, Jason Marquis doesn't even go to shul on yom kippur, and who knows who the 5th guy will be. Only time will tell.
In other ridiculous news, Soriano is most likely four years YOUNGER than the Cubs originally thought, which would make his long-term deal even more awesome for us, as I thought he'd be on the wrong side of 40 when his deal ended.