Thursday, May 27, 2010

Lost (in Chicago)

That looks serious. Take notes, Nocioni...

I'm a big Lost fan. After having a few days to digest the finale from last Sunday, I've decided that while the ending was entertaining and heartfelt... it was a let down for such a well made show.

Without getting into the details, I was disappointed that they didn't do more with the story they had built. Once they had set an end date (middle of season 5?), they should have been laser focused on wrapping up the story and driving towards a meaningful purpose. Instead, the end seemed rushed, distracted and mostly irrelevant (superfluous characters, dead end story lines, etc).

And, since I want to post about Lost, why not bring it back home:

Biggest what if:
Chicago: If the Bulls had traded for Kobe last offseason. Turns out the East was weaker than expected - a rickety old Celtics team took out the Cavs and are dismantling the Magic. With Kobe, Noah, Rose and Salmons/random FA, we could have competed with any of those guys.

Lost: Mr. Eko. The dude was the best character on the show for an entire season and was supposed to be a major player. The writers had to kill him off early because he wanted off the show. Dude even got offered big cash to show up just for the finale and declined. Apparently, he REALLY didn't like Hawaii and doesn't need any more money after smuggling drugs for a few years on Oz... (loved Adabeze).

Biggest mystery:
Chicago: The Byfuglian blessing. Ever since we posted about this guy last month, he's been RED hot, scoring goals like they're going out of style. We'll call it the Holy Dongediction (Dongsend?).

Lost: The childbirth storyline. There are a lot of unsolved plot lines that could have gone here (What is the island? What was the point of the Temple? Walt?) but this one was a main plot line for 3 seasons and was directly responsible for contact with the Others (via Claire), Rousseau's craziness, Alpert being off the island, Juliet's arrival, Jin and Sun's revival, and Aaron altogether (Kate's reason for returning). Could have easily wrapped this up with some "exposure to high electromagnetism" answer or some kind of time-travel paradox solution. Disappointing.

Most enjoyable moment:
Chicago: The Hawks going to the Stanley Cup. Not much else to celebrate... maybe the Bulls locking up the 8 seed after Chris Bosh's Avatar face got mushed? The White Sox and Cubs playing like crap? Right. Go Hawks!

Lost: The first flashfoward episode. One of the best TV moments of all time. Just awesome.

Chicago: Tough call but I'd have to go with Rose. In all of Chicago sports, I'm pretty sure he's the most valuable.

Lost: John Locke. Awesome actor, switched characters midway through the season and sold the idea of faith to an ultra skeptical/cynical audience.

Biggest pickup:
Chicago: Julius Peppers. Fingers crossed...
Lost: Ben Linus (was only supposed to be on the show for 3 episodes!)


I could write another 10 pages on this goddamn show but I'm so tired of thinking about it that I' rather just take a nap. Which is apparently a no-no while at the office. I'm also not sure if anyone cares.

Oh, and if you haven't seen the finale and this was a huge spoiler, sucks to be you. It's Thursday, you've had plenty of time. Also, Bruce Willis is dead in the 6th sense, Chris Cooper kills Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are the same person in Fight Club and Soylent Green is people.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ozzie is awesome

Apparently Ozzie was nice enough to sign a ball for some Cleveland fan at the game last night:


I guess that's his rendition of the Cleveland steamer.

Yet, he speaks the truth. Cleveland is really the anus of sports now that Shittsburgh has a few superbowls with Rothlesraper. Can't think of a worse sports city...


Monday, May 24, 2010

How To: Fixing the White Sox

This wrench can also play better defense than Teahen

Let's skip the whole "introductory" paragraph and just get right down to the meat of it - the White Sox are flat out BAD. I've had one Sox post this year that was exciting, and that was two fans beating the shit out of each other (see previous post below). This just isn't going to cut it. We are inexplicably forced to think we can always "win now." This is wrong. If that mindset worked, the Oakland Raiders would be the best team in football. Here's what we need to do to right the ship:

#1. Housecleaning
There are certain people that just don't belong in a major league uniform. Sadly, we have more than a few of them on our team, and all of these bastards are hogging space on the 40-man roster. The following people need to be traded for a bag of balls, or herpes, or something else that just isn't them:
- Randy Williams (please just die)
- Jeff Marquez (Randy Williams is going somewhere fun. Go hang out with him)
- Brent Lillibridge (By the time he figures out how to hit, he'll be too old to use the speed)

#2. Lock up the parts that work
The Sox are known as risk takers, but we rarely make a good deal out of it. We need to take less risks, but take steps to lock up the players we want. You don't need to give a multiyear deal to an injury prone player (Linebrink), but one to two years shows a little love. The following people need a re-up:
- JJ Putz (has shown he's close to that magic year with Seattle, a 1-2y deal wouldn't hurt to have him in the back end of our rotation to help out)
- Matt Thornton (lights out, should get a long-term 2-3y deal. He's earned it)
- John Danks (obvious)
- Alexei Ramirez (will come cheaply after slumping in the first half. Young enough to trade if he flops)

#3. Sell high
A lot of the players on our current team are not playing all that shabbily at the moment. The players listed below are either due to come crashing down to "shitty" territory, over the hill, or WAY too expensive. They should be moved ASAP.
- JJ Putz (if you can't resign him, deal him while the value is there)
- Bobby Jenks (that fastball looks awfully hittable, and the contract looks bloated)
- Scott Linebrink (still a name in some places...)
- Freddy Garcia (obviously doesn't have a 2011 rotation spot. Don't waste)
- Tony Pena (he's not exactly DJ Carrasco, but someone else may want him. I don't)
- Andruw Jones (Notorious hot-starter. Will suck sooner than you think)
- Omar Vizquel (Not exactly mentoring, and someone else may want him to play defense)

#4. Play your players where it makes sense!
After watching Teahen look just as good as Wilson Betemit at 3B (that's bad) and Quentin make Jermaine Dye look fast (that's worse) we obviously need to make some changes to how the lineup is structured. I suggest the following:
- Carlos Quentin, DH
- Andruw Jones, RF
- Gordon Beckham, 3B
- Jayson Nix/Mark Teahen, 2B
- Omar Vizquel, anywhere NOT DH

#5. Get the youngins some playing time, and then get more of them.
Does anyone remember how Buerhle cracked our rotation to begin with? Answer - we were so shitty, that he got a roster spot. Looks like that didn't turn out too badly! More youth on the field nets long term gains, and also allows surprises to get on the field.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Wow, can we get a "hell yeah" for the guy in the Griffey jersey? That's a guy who says "I don't give a shit if I bought a jersey for a guy who played here half a season as a platoon guy, but I LIKE TO HIT PEOPLE!"

Please note that the total pussy throwing punches in the perrywinkle shirt around the :26 mark no longer writes for us.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Top 5 NBA Centers right now 2010 into 2011

That's right... prepare for some serious homerism.

Allow me to recap the argument I just had with one fat guy who gambles a lot and a real-life centaur:
- Joe Noah isn't a top NBA center
- There are so many centers better than Joe Noah
- Joe Noah is a shitty offensive player
- Hustle isn't a quantifiable statistic

My rebuttal:
Joe Noah is a top 5 NBA center. If you had to pick a center going into the 2011 season, there aren't 5 guys you would take before him. My list:

1) Dwight Howard
2) Pau Gasol
3) Duncan
4) Bogut
5) Joe "The Big Circus" Noah

I can't imagine someone making a counter argument other than Brook Lopez (Al Jefferson, Amare, David Lee and Boozer are all forwards, - I don't care much for the FC label). With Duncan decaying daily and Bogut losing a fierce game of tug of war with the rim (and subsequently losing a close game of try and smash your arm through the floor), Noah might even be in the top 3.

He's so underrated, it actually bothers me. Not to mention the dude SHOWS up in the playoffs: 15ppg, 13rpg, 3apg, 2bpg. BAM!

Oh, and he's only going to get better when we add a low post presence that frees him up to cut to the basket this offseason...


Nothing fugly about Byfuglien

6'4, 257lbs and not Caucasian

D-fuggs just ripped off a hat trick to take a critical game 3 from the Canucks. The Big Buff started on the 4th line and ended up destroying Luongo out of nowhere. Apparently he likes playing Vancouver.

I actually watch playoff hockey, so, 1) this was really surprising since he's barely on the team and 2) he's a BIG freaking dude in front of the net. Niemi is actually playing well and Hossa looks fully healed so we're in good shape.

Wait a second... this dude is black? There are black hockey players? He can skate and score goals and everything? Amazing.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

See ya Vinny

A few thoughts on Vinny. Yes, he is a terrible strategist, motivator and leader and I'm glad he's gone. However, for a rookie coach dealing with a young team (and injuries), he managed to get the most out of the talent on the team:
  • Rose: ROY and all-star, quickly developing into one of the best PG's in the NBA.
  • Noah: From marginal starter to bona fide top 10 center. He's matured the most under Vinny's loose coaching style and emerged as the team leader and heart of the organization.
  • Taj Gibson: I can't see any other coach getting more out of him than we got this season.
  • Gorden: See the corpse of Ben Gordon on Detroit for comparison.
In all, you can't say his tenure was a failure - two playoff appearances and he built the foundation of a solid contender for 2011. Coaching style varies widely (he's the polar opposite of Skiles) and sometimes it's just a matter of how the players respond, not so much the game plan. He was the perfect "training wheels" coach to develop the young guys and now it's time to find a more experienced guy to take us to the next level. I think Vinny should be appreciative of the opportunity (to coach a top NBA franchise with absolutely zero coaching experience) and likely earned an opportunity to coach somewhere else.

Top replacement candidates include Doug Collins and Avery Johnson but I bet we'll wait until the FA class settles before choosing one (what if LBJ wants to pick his own coach?).


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Jake Peavy...

0-2, 7.85 ERA, 1.81 WHIP

Too early to freak out?