Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Greg Walker Resigns!

I don't know about you guys, but this is probably the best thing I've heard all day!

Many of our younger readers may not remember this, but the Sox used to be able to hit. The ball. Effectively.

Here are the statistics for years that Walker "helped":

2011: .252 BA
2010: .268 BA
2009: .258 BA
2008: .263 BA
2007: .246 BA (worst in the majors)
2006: .280 BA (top 10...a fluke?)
2005: .262 BA
2004: .268 BA
2003: .263 BA
2002: .268 BA

The White Sox, despite spending tons of money on hitters every year, failed to crack the top 15 team batting averages more than once in Walker's career as Sox hitting coach. This is a guy who was so bad that Frank Thomas insisted on going back to Walk Hriniak to salvage his swing. With the exception of Paul Konerko, the Sox have not had a consistent .300 hitter since 2003 or earlier.

This is a team that has had players come from other teams where they were successful and fail horribly after "adjustments" (Rios, Dunn...etc) and has had rookie hitters become unable to hit the ball (Beckham).

See ya!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Haiku, For You

Cutler is a mope
Martz has some saggy bitch tits
Our offense is bad

Matt Forte is good
Poor guy don't make no money
Still runs like a beast

Gabe Carimi, Jew
Faking a knee injury
For Holiday food?

Hope you found those amusing, could use a good laugh after getting beat up by the Packers at home (although this was pretty funny). Now, I'm going to go place another call into Jerry Angelo's office and remind him that nobody likes him.


Monday, September 26, 2011

The End of Ozzie?

For the last time...I TOLD YOU NO ONIONS!

Apparently, this may be Ozzie's last night representing the White Sox. The rumor is that the Sox have a deal in the works to send him to the Marlins (where he can be back with some old friends). I, for one, am wondering how we really got this far.

Let's all keep in mind: Ozzie is the only living manager to guide the Sox to a World Series victory.

That's a hell of a stat for your resume. It's like saying, "Hey, I AM THE ONLY PERSON ALIVE WHO CAN DO THIS." I, frankly, would interview him for pretty much any job if his resume told me he was the only living person capable.

Even so, Ozzie hasn't really done much else to get him on the good graces of the South Side brass. He runs his mouth, maintains a Twitter that rips on whoever whenever, tries to do a reality show, has an asshole son who gets himself into trouble, and Ozzie himself is kind of an asshole.

Oh, and then there's the questionable decisions. The repeated "gut calls" or "non-calls", such as letting Konerko run for himself in games where we're down run, batting Adam Dunn countless times despite his total uselessness, or obsessing over players like Jerry Owens for their speed and not much else.

Even so, when all is said and done, you gotta be able to respect a guy who comes into contract negotiations with this line:

“F--- more years. I want more money,’’ Guillen said. “I don’t work here for years. No, I want more money. Years, what, I’m going to die poor with the White Sox? Hell, no. Listen this is my job. It’s the only thing I can do. I have to make money out of somewhere. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer, where you’ll have a job for the rest of your life.

I mean, that's pretty baller right there.

Ozzie, if this your last game, I salute you.

Update: Yup. He gone!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Please Take Our Shit. I Beg Of You

Fellow readers,

I was recently offered the opportunity to do a giveaway by the fine folks at A&E entertainment. They told me "Hey - would your readers love the opportunity to win some free crap?" and I was all like "Yes I would like --- er, I mean, Yes our readers would like some things."

Then they showed up.

Let me tell you right now that no human alive needs two copies of "The Minnesota Twins 1991 World Series Collector's Edition" DVD set. Likewise, I could give a flying fuck about "Angels Memories: The Greatest Moments in Angels Baseball History." Do I look like a fucking Angels fan? THIS IS A CHICAGO BLOG. COME ON.

But wait, there's more!

What about "Magic in Minnesota - Remembering the 1991 World Series Championship?" I REPEAT - I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE TWINS. YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING IN ROUGHLY 20 YEARS. GIVE IT A REST.

Oh, and then there's "Baseball's Greatest Games - 1986 World Series, Game 6." Yeah, go Mets over BoSox! Or Maybe "Baseball's Greatest Games - Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit?" Bonus points for being recent, but again, who gives a shit?

And did I mention that they sent me TWO OF EACH DVD!? This is the same company that has actual television shows that people watch! You know, ones that AREN'T ABOUT THE FUCKING MINNESOTA TWINS!

So please, I beg of you, take this DVDs from me. Write an email to GepettoZHog AT with the subject line "I'LL TAKE THE SHIT!" and you can take some DVDs from me. Because I sure as shit don't want them.

PS - As part of this "giveaway," I must list the Amazon link to the product. Here. Now, I know what you're thinking - you're thinking "THIS HAS VALUE! I WILL TAKE THEM AND RE-SELL THEM!" and you would be right.