Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ah, love

And stay the fuck out of my Captain Crunch!

This is one of those stories you read that's just too good to pass up:

Man loses eye in Cubs-Sox argument in Huntley

Steele and his fiancĂ©e, April Bieze, said they went to the Abby Cadabby-Sesame Street-themed party that afternoon for Bieze’s 2-year-old niece. Bob Czapla and the other men were drinking vodka and beer and started taunting Steele with claims that White Sox fans had missing teeth, Bieze said.

“We were going to leave, but they convinced us that they were just joking around,” Bieze said.

Yet the taunts escalated and turned more personal, Steele said. Bob Czapla punched Steele, and the pair began to struggle before the two other men helped knock him to the garage floor and started kicking him in the head, Steele said.

Steele’s nose and orbital bone were broken and he lost his right eye in the attack after he was kicked in the face with a steel-toed boot.

So, let me get this straight: you're at a fucking SESAME STREET-themed party, drinking heavily with your fiancee. This is already slightly ridiculous. Then, you start arguing with a Cubs fan who has been drinking. This is like calling Olive Oyl a slut to Popeye's face at a Spinach factory - probably not the best idea.

Best of all, the guy has friends! Two other guys helped get this dumb bastard to the floor and beat the shit out of him. You've gotta wonder what sort of comeback he had to "Sox fans have bad teeth" to get that sort of reaction out of a bunch of drunk Cubs fans.

My guess:

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom."
"Thanks for inviting me."
"This party sure was fun. My kids are having a great time."
"That's a mighty fine drain this garage has - I'd like a closer look."

So, the logical thing happens - Cubs fans beat the shit out of you and knock out your eye with a steel-toed boot. Go fig. The victim has a "hilarious" joke afterwards:

"They said I’ll be able to do pretty much everything except fly an airplane,” Steele joked. “If I fall down, my family’s going to fall down. I’m up for my family.”

I don't get it.


Anonymous said...

Haha..Caption = winner winner chicken dinner

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

"calling Olive Oyl a slut to Popeye's face at a Spinach factory" = possibly your best line ever on the Dong. Also that photo rules.