Nice jersey Shaimster...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Long time no post, (sorry!)
So much going on, not enough time to write and can't choose which topics to cover.
Let's do some catching up and provide some weekend leisure reading:
1) Carlos Zambrano is insane.
Zamby threw a temper tantrum last week and went psycho on the gatorade machine in the dugout with a baseball bat. Video here.
Playing for the Cubs really brings out the best in people - I think this is the third time the gatorade machine has been destroyed since last season (Dempster and Ramirez).
2) GREAT article by J.A Andande from ESPN on the infamous Hue Hollins - Pubert Davis foul in 1994 here.
3) Bears sign IzzyIdonije and bring Tinoisamoa over from the Rams. Great news all around. We need some depth at LB and Tino is a hustler and a ball hawk. He'll probably spot start with Hillenmeyer but having him, Briggs and Urlacher will make us a lot more consistent. You'll notice the contribution in our run D with Mike Brown gone.
4) Derrick Rose probably cheated on his SAT. (here)
Nobody cares. You don't have to be able to read or write to win games. If you've ever heard him get interviewed, you know this story is true. Kid could NOT have scored higher than a 500.
5) Sox chasing Roy Oswalt (here).
I swear to god if this bastard no-trades us, I will burn his house down.
6) The TPC gets married this weekend!
The glorious TPC bites the bullet this weekend. We all wish him luck and godspeed (what, 2 pumps isn't fast enough?).
-KEG
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Two Wins, One Cup
Cubs:
You know there's a problem when the most meaningful quote from the game is this:
“How do you eat a whopper?” Piniella asked before the game. “You eat it one bite at a time, you don’t swallow it whole.”
Wow, Lou. That's deep.
Hoffpaiur and Fontenot kept the hit attack going, and Fukudome blasted another HR in a 6-1 Cubs win. I don't count this game as "breaking the losing streak" because I'm sure that the Cubs would have found a way to lose in the remaining three innings (rain delay wins are for sissies).
Other than that, who would have guessed that Sean Marshall would be the most consistent of all the Cubs starters? Zambrano spent a chunk on the DL, Harden is on the DL (first of many), and Dempster/Lilly have been flat out erratic.
Sox:
If Chris Getz needs to stay in the starting lineup, he needs to do two things. One is to start adjusting at the plate, and the second is to kill Jayson Nix. Nix hit two big HRs in a 4-2 win over the Angels. Bartolo's Colon was stretched a bit, working into the 7th, but otherwise had yet another masterful performance.
Signing Colon on the cheap was probably the best offseason move of any club. Seriously.
Also, the resurgence of Alexei Ramirez (8 hits in his last 4 games) has been remarkably helpful, and he's showing unusual patience at the plate (3 walks tonight puts him just 5 away from his 2008 total). Frankly, I'm liking the way this works.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, today marks the 7th consecutive game with Brian Anderson in the lineup. For those of you keeping score at home, that makes the Sox 6-2 since Anderson came off the DL, and 4-12 when he was on the DL. If anyone else thinks Anderson magically causes the Sox to win, regardless of his performance (e.g., 2006), this is further proof.
Monday, May 25, 2009
The feud continues...
Love him or hate him, Raimster is a loyal member of the Dong (Donger? Dongite?) and has earned the privilege to send me hate mail.
If you're keeping up with the blog, we're in the midst of a little disagreement regarding the awesome city of Chicago and the sphincter that is Pittsburgh.
To summarize: Pittsburgh has a historically shitty baseball team and can't afford an NBA franchise. The rest of the argument was a little confusing, so I'll conveniently ignore it.
The newest installment from Raimster McShaim:
>>>>>>
Dear DonkeyPornLovers,
Here's what I think of when I think of Chicago: Balls.
See, balls can be wonderful. Toys, even. They can be loving and tender, warm and safe. But balls can also be shriveled and hurtful, embarrassing and disdained. Chicago has such a rich tradition of flat streets, one iconic athlete in the last 30 years, and pizza. But you losers ruin it the same way you ruin everything. You're pessimists. You call it the Windy City and not something more gleeful, like the Breezy City or the Airy City. This is Marketing 101. Lousy negative nancies, you are. Like the picture of my wife you so dutifully exposed to your seven precious readers last week... Sure, she smells like ass and her farts may or may not have caused Katrina, but she's a real peach. Instead of exposing her exposed and sore thighs to the world, why not show the people a picture of the girl who sits next to me every year as I watch my precious black and gold consistently go 7-1 or 8-0 at home.
Kegs, jump on that fast... She turns 17 next week.
Chicago constantly takes the good and makes it bad and that is their facts of life. Which brings me to my next point.
When thinking of the differences between Chicago and Pittsburgh, you can pretty much sum it all up in the TV shows set in our beloved cities. The City of Steel is home to Mr. Belvedere, a wholesome sitcom family, adolescence, and, of course, sports. Mr. Belvedere was raw at times, dare I say racy, but never grotesque or hotheaded. I'd buy any one of the countless high-collar sweaters that covered Tracy Wells' possibly mountainous chest. It ended after a mere 8 seasons, constantly leaving viewers wanting more, not unlike Tracy Wells' sweaters.
Chicago, on the other semen-stained hand, is home to Love and Marriage, a hilarious-if-you-think-a-dude-sticking-his-hand-down-his-pants-is-consistently-funny show about pretty much nothing. The show was annoying every episode. It wasn't just on for a long time. IT WAS ALWAYS ON. It failed to make even a young Christina Applegate appealing and should have been a two minute skit on SNL. Had it been, I probably would have laughed.
In conclusion, I don't regret the day in 1994 I sold my Pirate soul to the devil in exchange for consistently great teams in my other sports.
Don't listen to the TPC, lovely residents of Beaver Falls, Aliquippa, McKeesport. You're a city of winners, optimists, and, most importantly, Mr. Belvedere.
4 hours till Buhrle v.Karstens
Sh. McB.
>>>>>>
There was also a wonderful article in ESPN this week, outlining the decades of shittitude that the Pirates have had endured since skinny Bonds. A delightful read.
If you're keeping up with the blog, we're in the midst of a little disagreement regarding the awesome city of Chicago and the sphincter that is Pittsburgh.
To summarize: Pittsburgh has a historically shitty baseball team and can't afford an NBA franchise. The rest of the argument was a little confusing, so I'll conveniently ignore it.
The newest installment from Raimster McShaim:
>>>>>>
Dear DonkeyPornLovers,
Here's what I think of when I think of Chicago: Balls.
See, balls can be wonderful. Toys, even. They can be loving and tender, warm and safe. But balls can also be shriveled and hurtful, embarrassing and disdained. Chicago has such a rich tradition of flat streets, one iconic athlete in the last 30 years, and pizza. But you losers ruin it the same way you ruin everything. You're pessimists. You call it the Windy City and not something more gleeful, like the Breezy City or the Airy City. This is Marketing 101. Lousy negative nancies, you are. Like the picture of my wife you so dutifully exposed to your seven precious readers last week... Sure, she smells like ass and her farts may or may not have caused Katrina, but she's a real peach. Instead of exposing her exposed and sore thighs to the world, why not show the people a picture of the girl who sits next to me every year as I watch my precious black and gold consistently go 7-1 or 8-0 at home.
Kegs, jump on that fast... She turns 17 next week.
Chicago constantly takes the good and makes it bad and that is their facts of life. Which brings me to my next point.
When thinking of the differences between Chicago and Pittsburgh, you can pretty much sum it all up in the TV shows set in our beloved cities. The City of Steel is home to Mr. Belvedere, a wholesome sitcom family, adolescence, and, of course, sports. Mr. Belvedere was raw at times, dare I say racy, but never grotesque or hotheaded. I'd buy any one of the countless high-collar sweaters that covered Tracy Wells' possibly mountainous chest. It ended after a mere 8 seasons, constantly leaving viewers wanting more, not unlike Tracy Wells' sweaters.
Chicago, on the other semen-stained hand, is home to Love and Marriage, a hilarious-if-you-think-a-dude-sticking-his-hand-down-his-pants-is-consistently-funny show about pretty much nothing. The show was annoying every episode. It wasn't just on for a long time. IT WAS ALWAYS ON. It failed to make even a young Christina Applegate appealing and should have been a two minute skit on SNL. Had it been, I probably would have laughed.
In conclusion, I don't regret the day in 1994 I sold my Pirate soul to the devil in exchange for consistently great teams in my other sports.
Don't listen to the TPC, lovely residents of Beaver Falls, Aliquippa, McKeesport. You're a city of winners, optimists, and, most importantly, Mr. Belvedere.
4 hours till Buhrle v.Karstens
Sh. McB.
>>>>>>
So, after shutting out the butt pirates in the first 2 games (6-0), the buckos manage to steal one in the 9th inning of game 3 to salvage a 1-2 series with the ChiSox (despite the Pirates superior record (come on, the NL is a joke anyway). To reverse quote Bobby Jenks:
"The way I look at it is if I blow one out of every 11, and if I get 44 chances, that's a pretty good year."
...And if you put together a good team one out of every 30 years, that's a pretty shitty franchise.
"The way I look at it is if I blow one out of every 11, and if I get 44 chances, that's a pretty good year."
...And if you put together a good team one out of every 30 years, that's a pretty shitty franchise.
There was also a wonderful article in ESPN this week, outlining the decades of shittitude that the Pirates have had endured since skinny Bonds. A delightful read.
Sidenote: it's Married With Children (not Love and Marriage, you fuck) and it kicks the living shit out of Mr. fucking Belvedere. And for your information, senior uninformed, Ed O'Neil (aka Al Bundy) was a stud football player in college and was signed by none other than the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1969 as an outside linebacker. Look it up on Wikipedia, babydick.
One last note to our loyal readers - do not allow the hot chick in the Steelers shirt to sway your allegience (uncle Keg will always take care of you):
-KEG
-KEGFriday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
CUTLER
(The entire Bears receiving core just jizzed themselves)
I could not be more excited, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A QUARTERBACK!
Dong minions, get ready for serious Chicago Bears football and get up to the minute twitter my balls updates from the Dong.
(Keggs couldnt care less about this picture, how sad)
PEAVY!?
How YOU doin'?Work prevents me from being on top of shit, but PEAVY!? Seriously?!
Where did this come from!
The Sox are sending Poreda and Richard for Peavy (actually, pretty fair. Both Poreda and Richard have potential to be a #2 or 3 starter), and are only waiting on Jake to approve the trade. There's just so much potential here.
On one hand, you have Peavy. Peavy is no doubt a lights out killing machine. He's under contract for a while (2013), and the Sox could no doubt use an ace like Peavy to go along with Buerhle, Danks, and Floyd to create one hell of a deadly 4-some. On the flip side, Peavy is from the NL, and plays for the Padres in their mammoth ballpark. The Cell is less than kind to flyballs, not to mention that we have that whole "DH" thing.
More importantly, eating Peavy's contract will come with ramifications. Keep in mind that Quentin and Danks are very close to free agency, and will be seeking beefy contracts. If that money goes to Peavy instead, you can probably kiss them goodbye.
Likewise, I don't know how much of an improvement in the roation Peavy will be over Richard. I like Richard A LOT. He's like my pitching equivalent to Brian Anderson (btw, record with anderson post DL? 2-0). Richard has been groomed to start, is capable of starting, and could easily be a 4 starter on most clubs AS IS. Given that he's young and has room for improvement, he could easily bump up in value (cheaper too).
Also keep in mind that Poreda, while Jewish and dominating in the minors, may not translate to ML success. I'm not saying not to do the trade (obviously in Peavy's hands now), but I'll bet we're talking about this one again - even if it doesn't go through - halfway through 2010.
Douchebag of the week
(Mazel Tov! This is a picture of Raimsters Wife)Hello Loyal Dong readers,
Welcome to the weekly addition of DBOW!
This weeks choice is very special for me because it is my friend, Ramister Mcshaim.
Raimster had the audacity to rip on Chicago sports and flaunt it on the Dong. No one disrespects the dong, NO ONE.
Shaimster, Shittsburgh is a second class city with about the ugliest fans in the world. Not to mention, besides Crazy Mocha and my sister, there is nothing in the town worth saving. Consider this, would it even make front page news if Shittsburgh was wiped off the map sodom and gomorrah style?
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