Meanwhile, back at the Halas Hall of Justice...
In an unprecedented move, the best and brightest of Chicago Sports have been recruited onto a special task force team to protect Earth in the name of truth, justice, and the American way.
[Carl Everett and Michael Barrett sit at a table playing a game of Connect 4]
Everett:
Gotcha! Diagonally!
Barrett: I hate this damn game.
Everett: Well, it's not like there's much else to do around here. Ever since Ditka became mayor, the crime rate is as non-existant as dinosaurs.
[Loud buzzing noise, followed by flashing lights]
Aaron Gray: BABY RUTH!!!!
Barrett: AUGH!
AJ: Augh! What the hell!
Barrett: You started it!
Everett: This looks big -- everyone to the main room!
[Regroup at the main console]
Rodman: Everyone, this is big -- there's been an attack on the city! Our longtime nemesis ESPN has unleashed unstoppable news coverage of the Patriots/Giants game! They are slowly draining the brains of all Americans!
Everett: This is serious! What can we do?
Alonzo Spellman: WHO INTERRUPTED MY WORKOUT!? I WILL KILL YOU! HULK SMASH!!!
Rodman: Not now, Alonzo -- save your strength for the battle ahead. I figure I'll take my invisible bike to do some recon, and then we can try for an all-out assault.
Everett: Yeah, no one will suspect the fag in a dress.
Barrett: That's not politically correct!
[Slugs AJ]
AJ: Seriously, man! What the fuck?!
Gray: BABY RUTH!!!
Rodman: You heard him, boys! Chicago Superfriends, AWAY!
He's old, he's fat, he's injury prone, and he has little to nothing in the way of loyalty to a team. Why do we care about him and why do we always try to get him on the team? Good god man, think of the headlines!
