Speaking of Twitter

Today's Twitter-related stupidity comes from Dong reader David Gonos (check out his stuff at Open Sports).

Twitter has become an athlete’s way of skipping the media altogether and communicating directly with their fans. The cynic in all of us knows that this is just a marketing tool, but the spectator in us enjoys the random non-retractable comments we might otherwise never have read.

Little did you know, though, that Twitter has actually been around for almost a century now, and has only recently become mainstream. I took time to do some deep research, and I came up with the 10 best “tweets” you might have missed over the past 100 years.

10. BostonBillBuck: big win last night, up 3 games to 2, headed to shea! curse of bambino almost over!!!

9. SD_GM-Beathard: Didn’t want Peyton anyway – can’t win the big game. Leaf will domin8!

8. THE_REAL_BABE: Hey Boston, how my ass taste?

7. Charlie_Hustle14: Hunch --gonna beat the Dodgers by 1.5 runs tonight. ;-)

6. OJuice: Ugh, bad day. Bronco got dirty, ruined Bruno Magli’s, lost a glove, almost missed flight and got just five McNuggets. Is it Friday yet?

5. Bonds40-40: #FF @JCanseco, @RogerRocket, @A-Rod_Money, @BALCO, @CaminitiKen, @Pettitte_Pitcher, @Big_Giambi

4. FavreQB4: Montana to KC!? Come on, Joe! Ur a legend, know when to hang it up!

3. Georgia_Peach: Baseball has gone to hell. :-( RT @JackieRobinson_42: Guess who’s playing 2B for the Dodgers!?!!!

2. CoryLidle1972: Tweeting @ 5000 feet, LOL - This is gr

1. Stilt_Wilt: 10,000!!!!!!! :-)

No. 2, tasteless, I know. Going to hell, yadayada.

I still think that we're missing a couple of Chicago-based ones. Namely...

motherf#$%@ing_oz: counting the days until I can bench @ghetto_anderson for @dewayne_is_wise.

the1trueneckbeard: what a weekend! wtf...did i just wake up in denver?

sexyrexy8: @andres_johnson cant wait to show the cheerleaders here my deep ball

da_coach4ever: @jesus choose your god.

Twitter (my balls)

(my balls)

In our glorious crusade aimed at spreading the good word and gospel of The Dong to the masses, we have reached an astounding 1,800 followers on the intertubes Twitter machine .

Obviously, LuolsDong is a an equal opportunity follower and will return the favor to anyone cool enough to follow us in the first place.

Apparently, the evil Twitter gods are attempting to thwart our rise to upper echelon of twitterdom by capping our ability to follow people at 2,000. For those of you who don't use twitter, this is the equivalent of trying to make friends in a pickup game of basketball without being allowed to talk to more than 3 of the 10 guys on the court. You'll probably pick 3 guys on your own team that you kinda know already, and you might end up with 3 better buddies but you'll definitely get 7 guys that think you're an asshole.

In twitter talk, we now have people following the Dong and we are not allowed to follow them back. It's an ugly faux paus (like clicking "I don't know this person" in LinkedIn or de-friending people on Facebook).

Reminds me of an old buddy from overseas:

Too harsh? Absolutely not.

NOBODY GIVES FUCKING ORDERS TO THE DONG.

Nobody can tell us who we can and cannot be friends with. This is a free fucking country. If people want to follow the Dong like an erect landmark, guiding them to great Chicago sports coverage and witty anecdotes, then they should at least be allowed to receive our return follow, like feeling the presence of the lord, and be given the honor to bask in our greatness.

I understand that twitter may be trying to curb aggressive marketing tactics, but 1800 of our 2000 follows are people that are already following us!

So here's to you Twitter, you communist nazi bastard. You can try to rubber the dong but our girth cannot be contained.

-KEG

**Update: Picture of Hitler was removed due to angry bubbie.

Twitter my Dong!

Ladies and gentlemen, Twitter now has a purpose.

The Dong has arrived!!!!!!  (Cue singing choir, release birds, unleash floodlights.):

www.twitter.com/luolsdong

Now you can get real-time updates of blog posts and subject yourself to other insightful, inane minutia. 

If you have a twitter account, you should follow us. It makes us look cool and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. You'll also benefit from the most condensed form of awesomeness available over the tubes of the internet (awesomeness in under 140 characters - my personal guarantee).

If you don't have twitter, well, then how are you going to twitter my balls?

Swarm, my minions!

-KEG

Weekend News

Fuckin Monday.

Bulls beat the Rockets, Rose finally hits a big shot at the end (he's missed a lot of those, despite having big 4th quarters) and our namesake Mr. Deng might be out for the season with a broken leg.

White Sox beat the Dodgers in spring training, puts em at 3-2 (nobody really cares) but Buehrle got some throws in and Manny was nowhere to be seen. Can't blame the guy for trying to get paid but I wouldn't want him on my team 2-3 years from now either...

Cubs finally lost their first of the preseason, blah blah blah who cares, win something worth a damn, you craptards.

Other news:

Shaq has a twitter feed... it's hilarious.

Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel were traded to the Chiefs for a second round pick. This doesn't seem to make a lot of sense but if Belicheck pulled the trigger, you can assume Vrabel has some contagious flesh eating disease and Cassell is secretly dying from AIDS. All the other theories are stupid (money? helping Pioli? anyone?). Apparently, he passed on the 12th overall pick...

The Lions and the Raiders improved this offseason (too soon?)

Warren Buffet's Berkshire Hathaway published their Annual Report, Warren is a funny dude... his letter is very readable, even if you don't own shares or you're not too business savvy.

-KEG