Speaking of Twitter

Today's Twitter-related stupidity comes from Dong reader David Gonos (check out his stuff at Open Sports).

Twitter has become an athlete’s way of skipping the media altogether and communicating directly with their fans. The cynic in all of us knows that this is just a marketing tool, but the spectator in us enjoys the random non-retractable comments we might otherwise never have read.

Little did you know, though, that Twitter has actually been around for almost a century now, and has only recently become mainstream. I took time to do some deep research, and I came up with the 10 best “tweets” you might have missed over the past 100 years.

10. BostonBillBuck: big win last night, up 3 games to 2, headed to shea! curse of bambino almost over!!!

9. SD_GM-Beathard: Didn’t want Peyton anyway – can’t win the big game. Leaf will domin8!

8. THE_REAL_BABE: Hey Boston, how my ass taste?

7. Charlie_Hustle14: Hunch --gonna beat the Dodgers by 1.5 runs tonight. ;-)

6. OJuice: Ugh, bad day. Bronco got dirty, ruined Bruno Magli’s, lost a glove, almost missed flight and got just five McNuggets. Is it Friday yet?

5. Bonds40-40: #FF @JCanseco, @RogerRocket, @A-Rod_Money, @BALCO, @CaminitiKen, @Pettitte_Pitcher, @Big_Giambi

4. FavreQB4: Montana to KC!? Come on, Joe! Ur a legend, know when to hang it up!

3. Georgia_Peach: Baseball has gone to hell. :-( RT @JackieRobinson_42: Guess who’s playing 2B for the Dodgers!?!!!

2. CoryLidle1972: Tweeting @ 5000 feet, LOL - This is gr

1. Stilt_Wilt: 10,000!!!!!!! :-)

No. 2, tasteless, I know. Going to hell, yadayada.

I still think that we're missing a couple of Chicago-based ones. Namely...

motherf#$%@ing_oz: counting the days until I can bench @ghetto_anderson for @dewayne_is_wise.

the1trueneckbeard: what a weekend! wtf...did i just wake up in denver?

sexyrexy8: @andres_johnson cant wait to show the cheerleaders here my deep ball

da_coach4ever: @jesus choose your god.

Twitter update

Update:

LuolsDong officially has 2,001 followers on Twitter.

That's a lot of follows.

A giant black monolith like in the 2001 a Space Odyssey.

My balls - twitter them.

-KEG

Twitter (my balls)

(my balls)

In our glorious crusade aimed at spreading the good word and gospel of The Dong to the masses, we have reached an astounding 1,800 followers on the intertubes Twitter machine .

Obviously, LuolsDong is a an equal opportunity follower and will return the favor to anyone cool enough to follow us in the first place.

Apparently, the evil Twitter gods are attempting to thwart our rise to upper echelon of twitterdom by capping our ability to follow people at 2,000. For those of you who don't use twitter, this is the equivalent of trying to make friends in a pickup game of basketball without being allowed to talk to more than 3 of the 10 guys on the court. You'll probably pick 3 guys on your own team that you kinda know already, and you might end up with 3 better buddies but you'll definitely get 7 guys that think you're an asshole.

In twitter talk, we now have people following the Dong and we are not allowed to follow them back. It's an ugly faux paus (like clicking "I don't know this person" in LinkedIn or de-friending people on Facebook).

Reminds me of an old buddy from overseas:

Too harsh? Absolutely not.

NOBODY GIVES FUCKING ORDERS TO THE DONG.

Nobody can tell us who we can and cannot be friends with. This is a free fucking country. If people want to follow the Dong like an erect landmark, guiding them to great Chicago sports coverage and witty anecdotes, then they should at least be allowed to receive our return follow, like feeling the presence of the lord, and be given the honor to bask in our greatness.

I understand that twitter may be trying to curb aggressive marketing tactics, but 1800 of our 2000 follows are people that are already following us!

So here's to you Twitter, you communist nazi bastard. You can try to rubber the dong but our girth cannot be contained.

-KEG

**Update: Picture of Hitler was removed due to angry bubbie.

The TPC becomes a man

My best friend, the infamous TPC, got married last night.

It was awesome.

Some highlights from the filthy jew-fest:

Propeller Nami snapped off the helicopter:

Gets funnier every time.

DZ rides the Horse with no hands, muzzle:

I was pretty sure DZ was going to die.

Only for the TPC would the big guy don a Wrigley jersey (although I've got tons of vendor pride). Note - I'm not the dirty mexican on the left...

Grow a goddamn mustache already...

The Mouth does a pretty good Billy Joel:

Pex (aka The Mouth) after a few too many Goose Islands...

On a sidenote, we were honestly REALLY FUCKING CLOSE to renting an actual goat to show up at the wedding. It would have been insane. Instead, we got a Horse, which is never a let down.

Haaaaaaas! (Yes, he was an actual cheerleader)

So, here's to you TPC.

Happy wedding, enjoy the remaining doldrums of married life.

Twitter my balls.

-KEG

UPDATE:

This is funny.

Around the horn

News team, assemble!!

1) Charles Barkley is out of his mind (and totally awesome).

If you haven't seen this clip calling his producer a pussy on live TV yet, you're missing an all-time great highlight.



Is it just me or is Chuck on an awesome-spree since serving time for posession? I love the total disbelief of Kenny and Reggie. "Um, Chuck, I don't think you can do that." 

2) Derrick Rose is (confirmed as) an idiot.

Is anyone really surprised by the news that he cheated on his SAT? I mean, seriously, come on. In an era of cheating at epic proportions, this is like faking sick to stay home from school when you're 9 years old. Nothing to see here, move along.

3) Twitter update: The dong is fully engorged with 1,400 followers. That's a lot of people loving the dong.  And for those people who we follow and don't follow us back, prepare to be dong slapped.

-KEG

The Truth Hurts

Ouch.

Last night was another gut-wrenching, stress-inducing, ludicrously entertaining basketball game in a series that is becoming an instant (ESPN) classic.

I'm not going to do the whole recap thing (if you didn't watch the game, then you mostly suck anyway, and you can always read ESPN, Yahoo, etc for a rundown) but I'll share some thoughts:

1) Live twittering (my balls) is fun: Loved the comments flooding in throughout the game in real-time. It felt like watching the game with a big group of awesome Bulls fans. We shall do this again.

2) Ben Gordon is both awesome and ridiculous at the same time: He took some bat-shit fucking crazy shots during the game. Gordon finished with 26 points but needed 31 shots to get there (by comparison, it took Pierce, who had another off-night, 5 less shots to get his 26. Granted, Gordon hit some amazing shots (the announcers kept saying "that's a bad shot" every time he pulled up but they had to eat their words when he eventually hit a huge jumper and got fouled on a 3 to keep us in the game). He is as streaky as anyone I've ever seen and his shot selection is pretty crappy but there is nobody else I'd rather have take a last second shot on our team than BoGo. As a matter of fact, there ISN'T anyone else on our team that CAN take that shot...

3) Joe Noah is legit. The Big Circus is now tied with Captain Kirk for my favorite Bulls player. The guy is an animal on the boards and is ferocious on D. He's managed to get some offensive credibility through hustle put-backs and good positioning for quick dunks. He can't shoot for shit but unlike Ty Thomas, he knows/understands that fact and doesn't take any shots he can't make. He's got surprisingly high basketball IQ and his energy is infectious. I get really pumped up when he's on the floor and I'm sitting on my couch.

4) VDN can't coach for shit. I don't think we ran a single set play in overtime. For most of the 4th quarter and all of OT, we basically let Rose try to take miscellaneous defenders off the dribble and have everyone else get out of the way. Ok, I've got a crazy idea: set a high screen for Rose, keep Gordon on the perimeter and let Rose finish, find Noah for the dunk (or Miller for the elbow J), or kick out to BoGo for 3. It's not so hard. It's not the triangle offense. Just give the kid some options. I also couldn't stand our lax defensive set - Rose was playing 40 feet off of Rondo and it lets him see the whole court. He sliced through us all night, again.  Individual efforts were good (Thomas, Salmons, Noah) but our switching and transition D were awful again.

5) Derrick Rose is still a rookie. As much as I like to watch him with the ball, he didn't handle the pressure well last night. Part of it has to do with bad coaching (see above) but he has WAY too many turnovers, especially late in games, and made some poor decisions and lots of unforced errors. I was begging my TV screen for Hinrich to take over the PG duties in the 4th. This is not to say Rose isn't amazing - he is - but he's too raw to be taking the whole team on his back at the end of the game and isn't yet assertive enough to lead properly (he can't even get the ball out of BoGo's hands when he's firing crap against triple teams. Jordan would have killed Pippen for shots like the ones BoGo took last night).

All in all, another exciting game in a historic series.

I've already put an order in for a pacemaker and defibrillator for game 6.

-KEG

Around the horn and Bulls basketball

Most exciting match-up in the NBA

Is anyone else excited for the game tonight? My balls are twittering...

If not for the game 3 shitfest, this would be the most consistently awesome series of all time. Every game has come down to the last second, even in OT. Both teams have cold blooded killers (Allen, Gordon), and young emerging stars (Rose, Rondo) along with compelling storylines (Garnett, Rondo averaging a triple double, Thomas and Noah coming into their own). 

The series is tied 2-2 and we'll need to win a game in Boston to get to the second round. I don't love our chances in game 7 at the garden (their fans are ferocious) so our best bet is winning tonight and then closing it out at home - taking 3 in a row from the defending champs.

I'll be live twittering during the game (www.twitter.com/luolsdong) and should entertain you all with meaningful insight and important observations.

Around the Horn:

-Lance Briggs pulls a Derrick Rose (here)

-Joe Noah earning some much deserved respect around the league. Great article on his generalawesomeness and how everyone hates him (here) 

-Ben Gordon says fuck you JoBu (here)

-Iglesias likes the Bears, the Bears like Iglesias (here)

-Dan Haren owned the Cubs last night (here)

-If you like weird videos, this kid with no arms or legs just (shockingly)  lost his first MMA fight (here)

Twitter my Dong!

Ladies and gentlemen, Twitter now has a purpose.

The Dong has arrived!!!!!!  (Cue singing choir, release birds, unleash floodlights.):

www.twitter.com/luolsdong

Now you can get real-time updates of blog posts and subject yourself to other insightful, inane minutia. 

If you have a twitter account, you should follow us. It makes us look cool and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. You'll also benefit from the most condensed form of awesomeness available over the tubes of the internet (awesomeness in under 140 characters - my personal guarantee).

If you don't have twitter, well, then how are you going to twitter my balls?

Swarm, my minions!

-KEG

Havlat? OT? 12 seconds? Yes!

Like many hockey-disenfranchised chicago sports fans aged 15-35, this is the first season where I've had the opportunity to watch exciting Blackhawks hockey on TV.

Bill "Hitler" Wirtz refused to allow the games to be broadcast on that newfangled television thingy for as long as I can remember (and over 40 years) and the only way to watch the games was to buy tickets. Genius idea to keep the stadium sold out although it completely tuned out an entire generation of hockey fans.

With a young, talented, exciting team in a new era of young hockey stars (Ovechkin, Crosby, etc) and current network capabilities (internet, TV, mobile, etc) it's time to get back on the hockey bandwagon and it's time to get back on the Blackhawks bandwagon.

Khabibulin was amazing last night. Toews is a total stud - love his hustle, he's going to be good for a really long time. And of course, Havlat (after getting sucker punched in the face in the first face-off) completely dominated the game.


Have Lat, you scurvy!

Bottom line: hockey is cool. No reason to hold a grudge against the new blood for previously crappy ownership. Embrace the Hawks. Life is good. Twitter my balls.  ....mmmmm yes.

-KEG