LeBron James: an open letter

Don't be a moron.

An open letter to LeBron James:

Dear LeBron,

I'm looking forward to your press conference tonight. I don't blame you for being an egomaniac. You're just reacting to an insane amount of public interest and the 24/7 prying of the media. Announce your decision (the biggest FA decision in NBA history) on your own terms. Give some money away to charity in the process... nice gesture. You are the best player in the NBA, you make any team an instant contender and you're in your prime. The spotlight is yours.

You have a tough decision to make: The Heat have Wade and Bosh, 2 of your buddies from the Olympics (also in their primes) and you can create a true dynasty in Miami. Even with scrubs filling out the rest of the lineup, you'll be in a great position to win a few championships and should have a lot of fun doing it. La de da, easy choice...

Wrong.

Miami is the worst decision you can make. If you succeed, you'll only add to Wade's glory. It's his team, his city. Miami-Wade County. Your accomplishments become diminished and even with multiple titles, you'll only be remembered as one of the big 3 (and potentially, not even the biggest... Wade will always have a title without you). If you lose... wow. It's ALL on you. The pressure is insane, with serious downside for your legacy. You also make less money and run the risk of ruining friendships (there will be finger pointing without titles). Also, the joke about signing Chris Paul next season? Financially impossible (although if everyone took a paycut to play together, you can ignore this paragraph because, fuck it, i'd want to watch that team every week).

What about the Knicks? Sure, if you can endure another few losing seasons and hope to have enough in the tank to make a run at CP3/Melo in 2011 AND develop enough talent to field a competitive team. Otherwise, it's almost as bad as in Cleveland. Now, if you know you can get CP3 in 2011 and can handle one more losing season (especially if you have to watch the Heat win from home this season) then MAYBE it's worth it. Big stage, chance to become legendary, good city, better prospects than the Cavs. But again, financially, no team can support that many superstars. 3 Elite players don't guarantee a title, in Miami or NY. You're better off going to the Heat and convincing everyone to re-work their deal in order to get Paul. If you want to WIN, the Knicks don't make any sense unless you are a totally self-absorbed egomaniac (very much in the realm of possibility).

But...

There is Chicago.

The historic Chicago Bulls. The city of broad shoulders. A chance to join the most well-rounded team with cap space to pay you what you deserve and a city that can rival NY for endorsement cash. A chance to win titles now and for the next decade. But most importantly, a chance to rival Michael Jordan as the best player of all time. BEST. OF. ALL. TIME. A lineup of Rose, LeBron, Boozer, Noah and Deng would be tough to beat. We could also move Deng, sign Korver and have space for improvement in 2011 (Melo?). This would give us the edge against the Magic and Lakers (a true C and PF in the front court, something the Heat or Knicks will not have - only the Bulls can matchup with Howard or Pau and Bynum).

If you care about winning and you care about your place in the pantheon of NBA legends, Chicago is the choice.

You only get one.

-KEG

Bulls get Drunk on Boozer

Boozer: 5 Years, $80M.

Perspective:
Wade: 6 years $125M
Bosh: 6 years $95-125M (depending on if it's a sign and trade)
Joe Johnson: 6 years, $119M
Amare: 5 years, $100M

I'm not unhappy - we still have room for a max (if Lebron want's to win a title) and didn't break the bank for a guy who averaged 1.5 less ppg and 3 more rpg than Amare last season. Also, if we missed on Boozer, we would have had to sign David Lee, who is useless.

This is a good deal, he makes us instantly better and is a great addition to Rose/Noah/Deng and provides much needed inside scoring.

I like it. I like it a lot.

Updated LeBron odds:
Knicks: 50%
Cavs: 20%
Heat: 15%
Bulls 15%


KEG

NBA Update: Bosh and Wade to Miami

Lebron Watch 2010:
40% Cleveland
25% NY
25% Miami
5% LAC/NJ
5% Chicago

We could still sign Boozer/D.Lee and JJ Redick/Ray Allen/Mike Miller and field a pretty solid squad with some depth. It'll be tough to get past Miami in the East though... especially if they DON'T get Lebron and sign 3-4 good support guys like the ones above.

This summer sucks.

KEG

NBA Free Agency: Like a Pedophile in a Kindergarten Class

Fags

As everyone knows (thanks to an insane amount of media coverage), this is the biggest free agent bonanza the NBA has ever seen. The big names include LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Amare, Boozer, Dirk, Pierce and Joe Johnson. Amare just signed with the Knicks (not a bad deal, if he brings others) and Johnson is going to stay with the Hawks for a max deal which is apparently fair market value. But if you're a Hawks fan, you want to find market value, and strangle it to death.

Since everyone else is doing it, here are some arbitrary grades and predictions!

Grades:

Knicks: F

Sure, they got Amare but it's clearly a last-gasp effort to get a blue chip FA before the big 3 spurn the big apple. Amare is a really good player. How he'll play without Nash on a weak team (and on a bum knee with one half of an eyeball) remains to be determined. Unless they ALSO get another really good player, this is a failure of an offseason, considering the tanked last year and traded everything just for the opportunity to get a top 3 guy.

Hawks: F

Seriously. 6 years, 120M for a borderline all-star. Did I mention you'll be paying him until he's 35? Stupendous!

Predictions:
Bosh: I think he'll flirt with the idea of creating a super-team in Miami but will eventually end up in Chicago. It makes too much sense: we've needed a low post guy forever, he can play the 4 with Noah at 5 and he'll get his max deal in a major market city. With NY signing Amare, barring a sign and trade to Cleveland (which I don't know how the Cavs would pull off) or a deal to Miami, I see him on the Bulls.

Team: Bulls

Confidence: Would bet my AC (it's 100 degrees out today)

Wade: This one is tricky. He's throwing everyone for a loop by flirting with Chicago after calling out the organization for being disloyal to former players. Is he distracting us while recruiting the other guys? Is he really considering Chicago? His family does live here and he is in the middle of a divorce... so, it's not crazy. Don't see him in NY but I think he likes Miami too much to leave without going into a sure-fire winning situation. So, either he stays and Miami gets Bosh too (fuck) or he goes to Chicago with Bosh (sure-fucking-fire).

Team: Miami

Confidence: Would bet my adopted son, Julio (he's retarded).

LeBron: the crown jewel of this FA class and the least predictable of them all. He's given no indication of where he'll go and has met with all the major prospects: Bulls, Nets, Clips, Heat, Cavs and Knicks. He makes any of those teams an immediate contender. The Cavs will not agree to a sign and trade, so for a guy who's money-conscious, he'd need to make up the cash difference in a major market (which all of these teams have). Honestly, I have no clue what he values, what kind of guy he is or how much he values loyalty versus living in the set of The Book of Eli. There are really only 4 options:

1) He joins a super team with the other guys in Miami.

2) He and Bosh/Wade join the Bulls

3) He and Wade join the Nets/Clips

4) He re-signs in Cleveland and they get Bosh

I think sadly, that 4 is the most probable although that increases the likelihood that the Bulls get Wade, which is nice. I don't see him joining a super team (it dilutes his Kingship) and I don't see him going to Miami (not a good team even with Wade). So he's either going to Chicago (yay) or staying in Cleveland (boo) and if he stays in Cleveland, he might take Bosh with him (boo!!). He's probably going to stay in Cleveland but I hope he moves, just cause it's more exciting.

Team: Clippers (just to be contrarian)

Confidence: Wouldn't bet my sack hair on it

Nobody knows anything and we're all waiting for Thursday anyway, so here's a clip:

KEG

Brian Anderson Update: Still Not on the All-Star Roster

I am Batman

Inexplicably, the All-Star voting did not result in Brian Anderson going to the All-Star game. It was not revealed how many votes he got (I'm sure it was on par with Albert Pujols), but there was some sort of behind-the-scenes collusion that resulted in a snub.

Of course, Brian took it all in stride, putting together his most impressive performance to date:

Anderson, the White Sox's first-round pick in the 2003 draft, threw a scoreless first inning Sunday in his professional pitching debut for Kansas City's rookie affiliate in the Arizona League. Anderson, the Sox's 2006 opening day center fielder, struck out two and allowed an infield hit to Yair Lopez of San Diego's rookie team.

Obviously, an overzealous editor got to this copy before it hit the press - let me give you the unedited version:

Brian Motherfucking Anderson, quite possibly the best player ever, threw a scoreless first inning Sunday. This should not surprise you, because he is fucking amazing. He fucking owned the other team. Seriously. They were all like "Oh Shit It's Brian Anderson!" and then the inning was over. Anderson, the Sox's 2006 opening day center fielder, struck out two batters, causing them to shit themselves. Also, it is believed that approximately 80% of the crowd wet their panties, including the males.

That's more like it.

Cedric Benson vs Texas police: Round 3

Durr, I am a total fucking idiot.

In arguably the most predictable story of all time, Cedric Benson was arrested for assault after punching some guy (I'm going to skip the "allegedly" crap) in the face at a bar in Austin, TX.

Given that this is his 3rd arrest for a physical altercation during an offseason in the past 3 years AND that there are multiple witnesses from the incident AND that it took place at 1:30am at a crowded bar AND that he's reached a 9.5 on the mongoloid scale... I think the following quotes are even more amazing (from ESPN):

Bartender Bryan White told police that once outside, Benson complained to people passing by that "all these white boys are ganging up on me and kicking me out."

One of Benson's attorneys, Sam Bassett, said his client "looks forward to telling his side of the story at the appropriate time."

"Though he does not entirely agree with the version of facts recited in the court filings," Bassett said, "he does not wish to make his comments public at this time."

/Still laughing.

Yeah, I can't wait to hear his side of the story. He doesn't ENTIRELY agree with the facts... so I assume he's completely blame free here. We're so quick to judge...

Anyway, after feeling like I got kicked in the balls last season this is a nice bit of validation for the Bears organization. I still don't understand why we drafted this cretin in the first place but at least I don't feel as bad about cutting his ass.

Nevertheless, when he manages to stay out of prison and on the field, the dude can play:

P.S. I still fully blame him for driving Thomas Jones out of town, which makes him my least favorite Bear of all time and set us back a lot of money and a draft pick (on Forte). It might have been easier to just keep the MOST PRODUCTIVE RB OVER THE LAST 5 SEASONS and call it a day. I'm mad just typing this. Fuck you Benson, you entitled, arrogant sack of shit.

-KEG

How To: Getting On The Bandwagon

Every Chicago resident, this post is for you. I know it hurt when all your friends were jumping on the Blackhawks bandwagon, and you just didn't know how to get on board. When you jumped for joy at a Byfuglien goal, they would oust you immediately when you incorrectly stated "Go Bi-Fuglian!" The sports world is a cruel and unrelenting beast, and fans that suddenly start rooting for the winning team are generally frowned upon*.

Luckily, I'm here to give you a chance to jump in with the White Sox, currently the hottest team in baseball. They're not in first place yet, and they just had their win-streak broken at 11, but they are definitely on the rise and have the potential to be an interesting team to watch down the stretch. Instead of waiting until August to care (and subsequently playing catchup on who the hell is on the team), let's get you some basic talking points to get in with some fans:

• "Gordon Beckham is really not having a good year...do you think he'll get demoted?"
• "Gavin Floyd has been insanely good lately but does not have the record to show it!"
• "Carlos Quentin is driving in a lot of runs despite his batting average!"
• "Will Omar Vizquel get playing time once Teahen gets back?"

Now, of course these are all questions and statements designed to make it look like you have a general idea as to what the hell you're talking about without actually requiring you to follow up with more information. There is no possible response to any of these four items that will result in you having to come up with a logical way to continue the conversation.

Once you get past these "icebreakers", it's on to the more hardcore questions:

• Do you think Andruw Jones is going to be back next year?
• When will they call up Carlos Torres?
• Did you know that Southpaw is actually a chick?
• What is Guillen's obsession with Kotsay?
• Have you noticed how they're protecting Santos?
  

Questions like these will get you "in" with even the most hardened Sox fan. Unfortunately, these also require you to back up the conversation with some additional facts if the other participant can't answer. In order, the answer to these questions is "No," "July," "Yeah, she totally is," "He just screams 'Swagger'," and "Yeah, after a few bad outings, they don't want him to get figured out."

Once you've gotten through this basic initiation ritual, you're free to blissfully ignore the rest of the Sox season until August, waiting patiently until the Sox either make the playoffs or tank, at which point you can either remain unaffiliated or declare that you were "there for them the whole time and not like those fair-weather fan fuckbags."

Happy bandwagoning!*

* Unless you're a Cubs fan, in which case you should kill yourself anyways.

Bye Bye Cap'n Kirk

(Looks like someone just credit carded the Cap'n)

In advance of the upcoming draft the Bulls are making moves. This just in from ESPN the Bulls are going to send Kirk to the Wiz kids and the 17th pick for cap space.

Im all for this, ive been wanting to see Kirk go for a while. Hes a good player but has no role on the bulls. Lets hope we can get two studs in the free agent market and start kicking ass like its the mid 90's.

TPC

This is too funny

Lifted from barstool (www.barstoolsports.com) this afternoon:



Just too good not to repost.

I love this guy.

KEG

Called it (yawn).

And of course, the Dong's favorite stud DBuff scores his 11th goal this postseason (beast!) and Patrick Kane redeemed himself with the OT game winner. If you haven't seen this shot yet, it's amazing (and not just because of the awesome mullet:



The cup returns to Chicago for the first time in 49 years. So wonderful. I think even 50 or 60 people watched the game. FYI in New York, the only indication that the Hawks won the Stanely freakin Cup was the bottom screen ticker on Baseball Tonight. Thank god for SlingBox and screw ESPN.

-KEG