Back to the (wrong) Basics

As written by the author of "S is for Steriods" and "U is for Moises Alou's Urine"

After four games without a homer, the Sox decided that maybe - JUST MAYBE - finishing in the top 5 for homeruns hit over the last decade may have had something to do with winning (longest drought since...April 2005?). Case in point, the Sox hit three homers last night, and managed to win (Cubs hit two last night, and also pulled out a win...but who wants to talk about those guys anyways?).

First of all, what the hell is the deal with the Sox and ex-Royals pitchers? In the last three years, I can think of at least SIX ex-Royals relievers on our team (Sisco, MacDougal, Dotel, Carrasco, Hanley Ramirez, and most recently, Jimmy Gobble). Seriously - what is Ozzie's obsession with picking up Kansas City's crap!? With Richard and Carrasco both pitching a chunk of innings, it looks like the next 5th starter will be Lance Broadway (full rest) - otherwise Ozzie is going to be using two players to get through five innings again next week.

Second, can we talk about this "brilliant" lineup Guillen trotted out? If I haven't stated this before, Brent Lillibridge should not be starting. Ever. I don't care if there's a nuclear holocaust and all of the players are dead - Lillibridge sits his ass on the bench until a pinch-runner is needed. Instead, Ozzie decided to trot out Podsednik AND Lillibridge in the worst defensive outfield I have seen in a long time (since...last week).

Why do you mock me, Ozzie? Why do you refuse to start Alexei Ramirez in CF (where he is probably our best defensive option), but instead bench him to start Nix instead? Why not let Getz play the outfield too? As is my understanding you have six guys to play three infield spots tolerably (Nix, Getz, Ramirez, Betemit, Fields, Lillibridge), meaning that you can play the hot hand (Fields, Nix, and Getz) and put the remaining players (like Ramirez) in the outfield if they are qualified to play there. Don't just play the hot hand and then bench a talented defensive player who needs more at bats to get his swing back on track.

If things don't clear up for this team, I'm looking to deal the vets at the All Star Break: Dye, Thome, and Colon get dealt to bring in young pitchers and a legit outfield prospect (imagine having Jeremy Reed or Ryan Sweeney back...that'd be nice right about now). Who's with me?

At least the Hawks have the right idea

Might need a new banner after this season

With the Blackhawks going nose-to-the-grindstone and pulling out a big win, it makes me wonder what the hell the baseball teams are doing right now. The Hawks don't have the injury problems the other teams do (although after seeing Kane and Toews get splattered about 20 times in the 3rd period of Saturday night's game, I'm surprised they don't), but it's not about the roster - it's about heart.

"Falco, this team needs heart...and I need the number of that chick from the bar. You know who I'm talking about."

Instead of putting up a fight, both the Sox and the Cubs have been laying down in the mud to die for the past couple of days. Sure, there were some wins that came out of it, but realistically, both teams should be lucky with the wins they have.

Cubs:
I don't even know where to start here. Trading DeRosa to free up the contract for Bradley could still pay off, but right now the Cubs are starting a paper-thin infield of Aaron Miles, Theriot, and Fontenot. If any one of those three guys gets hurt or need a night off, there's going to be all sorts of problems (Freel isn't even healthy yet, and the next in line is Bobby "How Did I Get Here" Scales).

Next, there's the interesting case of the rotation. First of all, everyone and their mother should have known that Ryan Dempster was due for a harsh dose of reality - he's got the potential to be good, but he never should have been as good as he was. It was like Jon Garland in the first few months of the '05 season - just completely out of character. Likewise, Lilly and Harden have been streaky (and I still fully expect Harden to take a trip to the DL soon - have I mentioned that you never EVER trade with Oakland?). Zambrano is also out for trying to be a hitter when he should have been a pitcher. And the bullpen? Please. Marmol and Gregg are the most "consistent" out of the 'pen with only two heart attacks per 5 IP. Oh, and for those of you keeping score at home, Michael Wuertz has a 1.62 ERA with 14 K in 16 IP with OAKLAND. Yikes.

Sox:
It's so depressing I can hardly stand it. Not only was Brian Anderson sidelined after a hot start, but with Wise also nursing injuries, Brent Lillibridge is seeing daily action (Ozzie refuses to put Ramirez in CF...why?). Lillibridge is the equivalent of a fantastic dump - you don't mind looking at it for a little bit to marvel your handiwork, but then you realize the fumes have killed your cat and you flush it away. You don't sit there and let the shit permeate your home - which is exactly what Lillibridge is doing.

Next, you've got the problem of the "free swingers." Alexei has a swing as long as Luol's Dong, and it's making him completely useless. Josh Fields is also showing less patience than the beginning of the season, and don't even get me started on Lillibridge again. All in all, it makes for some serious rally-killing, as the only guys who DO get on base are too slow to take more than one bag at a time. I still think we should trade as many vets as possible at the deadline to take a legit shot at being a 2010 or 2011 contender.

Finally, the pitching staff is JUST Buerhle and Danks. Floyd has been as erratic as I feared he would be, showing that a curveball just isn't enough to get it done. Likewise, Colon has just run out of gas (pun intended) in most of his starts, providing 5-6 solid innings of work but not much more. Contreras is just godawful, and is likely done barring a remastery of his forkball. And instead of calling up Poreda or giving proper rest to Clayton Richard (who has been groomed as a starter since...forever), Guillen is looking at Broadway or Carrasco to pick up the slack. Welcome to the 5th starter black hole once again.

The Rest:
The Bears are rumored to be interested in Amani Toomer - if you can't get Torry Holt, why not get the older and slower imitation? Maybe he'll bring in a veteran presence.

Jeremy Mayfield became the first NASCAR driver to fail a drug test. What the fuck do you need to take 'roids for in NASCAR!? Is the wheel that hard to turn? Did you need a few extra feet off of your victory backflip? Do you need to hold the car up during pit sessions? Jesus you're dumb.

Look how much faster I can go!

Humpday Indeed

Interestingly enough, a Google search for "failure images" popped up the Cubs at #3.

I don't even want to talk about the Bulls right now - the wounds are still fresh, and I don't claim to be much of a basketball analyst. I'll say this much - we took a shitload of bad shots, and we were lucky that as many of them went in. The Celtics stopped taking shitty shots somewhere around the 3rd quarter, and look what happened. Goddamnit. I'm going to leave that miserable recap for someone else.

Instead, I want to talk about all the things that went WRONG in yesterday's White Sox double-header (most notably, because it wasn't a Bulls game).

#1. Anderson in leadoff. I know Chris Getz is hurt, but you have to be fucking kidding me. Anderson is just fresh out of the doghouse, and went 0-4 in the first game. So bat him leadoff in the nightcap? You must be insane. Leave Anderson in the 8 or 9 spot to see what he can do. If Getz is still hurting, put Fields in leadoff, or even AJ - they're both seeing the ball real well right now.

#2. Fields is a butcher in the Field. Look - we tried Fields at third. It's just not gonna work. He doesn't charge the balls he needs to charge, doesn't grab the grounders he needs to grab, and ultimately doesn't have much else going for him other than a strong arm. Try working him in the OF or as DH to give Quentin/Thome a break every now and again (such as yesterday's games) and play Betemit or, frankly, anyone else. Our pitchers will thank you.

#3. Poor performance. 2 hits and 2 errors is not a way to win a ball game. Frankly, Colon pitched better than expected and we got really lucky that Seattle couldn't get it together in game 1. In reality, we shouldn't have one either game.

Also, one scary trend that keeps rearing its ugly head is that no matter how shitty the pitcher is, if the Sox haven't seen him before, we flail away and look bad. Case in point, Chris Jakubauskas (just rolls off the tongue, right?) was looking at a 7.00 ERA before the game. What happens? Barely two runs, and the guy pitches a complete game.

Well shit.