Moments after Sosa was revealed to be a cheaterLoyal Dong Reader Bloomerqueef sent in the following response when asked if he was "surprised" about Sosa being labeled a cheater. We thought we'd share:
"Does a bear shit in the woods?
My mother who knows nothing about baseball knew that Sammy Sosa was taking steroids. Seriously is anyone surprised? I thought it was just sort of common knowledge that the HR race of 97 or whenever that was was fueled entirely by horse pills, bitch tit suppressors, anabolic steroids, and yes, Flintstones vitamins. I don't get why everyone is so shocked. I never had much of an affinity for Sammy though, as he disappeared in the playoffs (like so many of his Cub brethren. How fitting).
Yes, the Cubs are horrible. Jim Hendry and Lou Pinella gave the team the old cleveland steamer when they traded in Mark DeRosa, a clubhouse guy who everyone liked and produced offensively and defensively at every position, for Milton Bradley. Bradley is a clubhouse cancer who is perpetually injured and, after raising his batting average 100 points, is hitting .234. It was a horrible trade. The bullpen sucks, the new closer sucks, and the only thing keeping the team afloat is that the starting pitching has been good enough to keep them in almost every game. Don't even get me started on Aaron Miles. I want to punch my own cock when I think about the moves that they made in the off season to "improve" the team.
Is Kenny Williams on the hot seat yet? Has anyone realized that Ozzie was on the right side of luck in 2005? Not that it wasn't a good team, but come ON! I guess that's baseball for you. A bunch of juiced up millionaires who can't earn their living.
At least we have Cutler!"
Couldn't have said it better myself. Also, I would much rather that Ozzie be on the hot seat than KW - at least Kenny has made some real steals for the club (see: Carlos Quentin, Podsednik Part Deux, Danks, Floyd...etc). As for Ozzie, he routinely runs players into the ground until they submit to a doghouse role (Anderson, Fields) or are traded (Broadway, Swisher, Betemit). I believe that Ozzie was a reason that Peavy wouldn't come to town as well.
At least we have Cutler.
After yesterday's White Sox win, it's time to start looking for an explanation. You know what I mean - the inexplicable "winning" thing that seem to have taken off around, oh, May 19th (incidentally, the day Brian Anderson was activated from the DL...). Okay, we've been over this before, but it needs to be said again: the White Sox are winning because of Brian Anderson. I don't really know how else to explain it - as much as Ozzie wants to keep Anderson in the doghouse (oh, and if you were wondering why Lance Broadway was traded last week, look no further than Ozzie), it cannot be denied that he is our lord and savior.
Just look at these stats from May:
Games Played: 28
Games Played Without Brian Anderson: 16
Games Played With Brian Anderson: 12
Record in Games Without Brian Anderson: 4-12
Record in Games With Brian Anderson: 9-3
That's just all sorts of batshit crazy. Sure, Anderson is actually sort of productive at the moment (hitting .275), and is lightyears better than having Lillibridge start on the roster, but let's be honest here - he's Brian Anderson. He's not going to keep this up (as much as I want him to).
Yesterday's game was a prime example.
The Sox were up against the best pitcher in the AL (Zach Greinke), and were trailing until a mini-rally in the 5th. DeWayne Wise, in his first game back from the DL, did absolutely nothing. The score remained tied until the 9th, when Ozzie finally relented to reason and decided to bring in his best player:
Goddamnit! OK, Fine! I guess I have to put in that douchebag Anderson...
And hey, guess what? Anderson draws a walk in his only at-bat, scores, and facilitates a 3-run 9th inning that blows the game open. Jenks comes on, White Sox win, and Anderson saves the day yet again.
Anyone else a believer in the Cult of Brian Anderson?
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As written by the author of "S is for Steriods" and "U is for Moises Alou's Urine"After four games without a homer, the Sox decided that maybe - JUST MAYBE - finishing in the top 5 for homeruns hit over the last decade may have had something to do with winning (longest drought since...April 2005?). Case in point, the Sox hit three homers last night, and managed to win (Cubs hit two last night, and also pulled out a win...but who wants to talk about those guys anyways?).
First of all, what the hell is the deal with the Sox and ex-Royals pitchers? In the last three years, I can think of at least SIX ex-Royals relievers on our team (Sisco, MacDougal, Dotel, Carrasco, Hanley Ramirez, and most recently, Jimmy Gobble). Seriously - what is Ozzie's obsession with picking up Kansas City's crap!? With Richard and Carrasco both pitching a chunk of innings, it looks like the next 5th starter will be Lance Broadway (full rest) - otherwise Ozzie is going to be using two players to get through five innings again next week.
Second, can we talk about this "brilliant" lineup Guillen trotted out? If I haven't stated this before, Brent Lillibridge should not be starting. Ever. I don't care if there's a nuclear holocaust and all of the players are dead - Lillibridge sits his ass on the bench until a pinch-runner is needed. Instead, Ozzie decided to trot out Podsednik AND Lillibridge in the worst defensive outfield I have seen in a long time (since...last week).
Why do you mock me, Ozzie? Why do you refuse to start Alexei Ramirez in CF (where he is probably our best defensive option), but instead bench him to start Nix instead? Why not let Getz play the outfield too? As is my understanding you have six guys to play three infield spots tolerably (Nix, Getz, Ramirez, Betemit, Fields, Lillibridge), meaning that you can play the hot hand (Fields, Nix, and Getz) and put the remaining players (like Ramirez) in the outfield if they are qualified to play there. Don't just play the hot hand and then bench a talented defensive player who needs more at bats to get his swing back on track.
If things don't clear up for this team, I'm looking to deal the vets at the All Star Break: Dye, Thome, and Colon get dealt to bring in young pitchers and a legit outfield prospect (imagine having Jeremy Reed or Ryan Sweeney back...that'd be nice right about now). Who's with me?
Shortly after posing for this photo, Jose snapped this guy's neck and slept with his girlfriend. Seriously.
Fuck. You.
Maybe this wil inspire the Sox to turn things around as of late... Hell, according to ESPN, Prince Fielder brawling with his starting pitcher will "improve teamwork and chemistry" and Ken Lucas (the guy whos nose is broken via Steve Smith) said his fight "might be the best thing to happen to the Panthers chemistry. Am I taking crazy pills? ...what are these pills anyway, someone's been leaving them on my desk every day this week...
I'm super, thanks for asking!
Bottom line: Ozzie is a winner. I don't care if he's passionately inappropriate and everyone hates him. You win games, you earn respect. Everything else is irrelevant.
Ozzie: This is total bullshit! No fucking way! I'm right here, and he was over there, and then the stuff happened!
Ozzie: I want everyone to know it was because of my superior managerial skills.
