We're still not getting a Cutler

Both of these guys are named Jay Cutler. One of them takes steroids directly into his penis, slathers himself in tanning oil, gets ridiculous hair dye jobs, and wears a speedo on a regular basis.

The other one is a bodybuilder.

Zing!

More Losers, Please

I done gone and shit mah-self!

Just to clarify for the hundreds of rumor-starved media outlets - Lovie Smith is under contract for a few more seasons, and is not going anywhere. The only way that the Bears get a new head coach by next season is if the Bears have an utterly abysmal season - and that's still not going to be assessed until 2010.

That said, it looks like the Bears are ideal suitors for the homeless folk that call themselves the Marinelli. It's seriously like giving a hobo a dollar - as soon as you've shown you'll help more, the others will flock to you to pick your flesh from bone. In this case, offering a warm meal and a bed to Rod Marinelli produces these vultures:

"If I had an opportunity to work for Lovie Smith, I would cherish it," said Barry, who was fired as Detroit's defensive coordinator when Marinelli was dismissed as the Lions head coach.

Translation:

"Change? Mister? Change?"

Dude - Lovie didn't offer you a job, but now he's going to feel guilty about only helping one of you. At first, he'll do what he can to help (like freeing up some coaching spots with the removal of some defensive coaches). However, once all the Phil, Dave, and Shaniqua Marinelli start coming out of the woodwork, Lovie's going to start taking a different way home from the train.

Nothing Happened

I fucking love Chunky soup!

Uh, nothing really happened yesterday. At all. The Bulls, Bears and Blackhawks all had the day off, and there really wasn't anything in terms of baseball news or rumors, unless you count the possible pursuit of Joey Gathright...and I don't.

Hell, I can't even make the "Donovan McNabb might show up in Chicago next year" throwaway post because, well, it's not gonna happen. McNabb is probably run out of Philly, but why would the Bears overpay for someone who's not getting the job done - especially when we have the cheap and effective Neckbeard?

Here's hoping one week from tonight has The Beard with a huge game against the Pack, and a crushing loss for the Vikings.

Go Bears.

John St Clair Sucks My Asshole

Jesus, give the guy a pocket protector and call it a day.

I just want to say that St. Clair is supposedly a legend as being one of the best linemen from Virginia's history. I also suspect that there are also only two linemen ever to come from Virginia, and one of them got killed immediately after graduation. How on earth we can afford to start this guy for a whole season, I don't know.

I meant to write about St. Clair's ineptitude after Sunday night's game, but I just never got around to it. He was absolutely atrocious Sunday night, making turnstiles look like they do their jobs more effectively. He was beaten off the line on every play, and generally just looked like he was sorry for getting in the way of the opposition.

The logical assumption, then, is that if Orton had a better lineman in his place, he would have thrown for 300+ and 3 TDs.

Yes, that seems about right...

I got nothing

No time for a legit post, but if you thought Christian Bale's Batman voice has gotten a little insane since the "Swear To Me" days, you might appreciate this.

The NL Central of the NBA

Things took a turn for the worst in the second half when an anonymous fan waxed the floor.

How bad do you think the Bulls are -- just on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being average and 1 being the worst team ever)?

If you answered anything below 2, you're wrong. Not only are the Bulls better than someone (Milwaukee), but they're somehow still in the playoff hunt. With the Bulls only two games behind from that precious 8th spot, there's actually a chance that they can turn out a .600 winning clip for the rest of the games and walk away with a playoff spot.

As a matter of fact, the Bulls could probably LOSE more than half of their games and still get a playoff spot. This conference is pathetic! On one hand, I like that the Bulls still have hope for competing, but on the other hand, I'm worried that Pax will hoard all of his players for a second-half resurgence.

If only baseball playoffs worked the same way.