It's a lovely day...

Now, some of you might expect me to be the sort of person who would carefully savor each morsel of the Chicago White Sox's victory over the hapless Chicago Cubs, but I'm going to prove you all wrong and take the higher road. I will not sepnd the time reflecting on how completely inept your team is, how the Sox bludgeoned your "ace", or how the Cubs managed to blow countless scoring opportunities.

Because they suck.

And are the scum of the earth.

Instead, here's some things I noticed:

#1. Milton Bradley is a bigger defensive liability than I would have imagined. Imagine Scott Podsednik. Now, take Podsednik and break both of his legs. Maybe gouge out an eye to make the depth perception a problem too. Now put him in right field. Every ball hit to right field became an extra base hit because runners (rightfully) challenged Bradley's ability to get to the ball and throw it to the second baseman. I don't watch a lot of Cubs games, but I can see this being a problem.

#2. The infield fly rule apparently applies to a shitty outfield as well.

If you caught the game (and if you didn't, you're probably a "Chicago" fan and need to be killed), you'd know that if your fielders are JUUUUST bad enough, the infield fly rule applies...outside the infield. Not complaining about it (we scored a run because we TAGGED UP), but I am mightiliy amused by this.

#3. The White Sox are getting faster.

I remember last year when the Sox went through baserunning stretches of "station-t0-station" misery. No one could run, no one could PINCH RUN, and generally, unless there were three hits in a row, no one was scoring. With Pods, Anderson, Wise, Bechkam, Getz, Fields, Ramirez, and Nix, you've got a bunch of guys that can all run (being realistic, I did not include Dye on that list). It was nice to see Ozzie bust out some small ball on Sunday, even trying to pull the squeeze with Pods and Wise.

#4. I fucking hate DeWayne Wise.

There, I said it. It's not (entirely) because he takes time from Anderson - it's that he just shoudn't be starting on any major league team. It would be like if Timo Perez were signed to play and we started him over Pods in LF for an entire week. It's the wrong choice! Other facts: I hate his plate approach, I hate his inability to hit, I hate his crappy read on the ball in CF, I hate that his speed is his entire crutch...I even hate his AB music ("Ain't I" by Yung LA)! This marks, what, the third day in a row without Anderson!?

#5. I almost pooped myself when I heard DeRosa was going to the Cardinals.

It was close. I may have sharded a little, but I don't think that counts. Now, if the Cardinals are serious about getting Holliday also, I may need to start bringing an extra pair of pants with me.

Quick thoughts

1) NBA Draft: The Bulls drafted the most generically named athlete of all time, James Johnson.

He's not bad.

Much better highlight reel here: http://multimedia.foxsports.com/m/video/22468775/draft-preview-james-johnson.htm

He's a good fit on the team, doesn't indicate we're shopping anyone (good news) but I was hoping we could pacakge our picks and get a better low post option. Whatever, right now everything depends on whether we re-sign BoGo and if Deng still has any skills.

2) Michael Jackson is dead. Sad. He's a freak but still lovable (in the way special needs adults are lovable).

MJ and MJ at a better time:

3) I'm not wearing pants

4) Geo Soto is blazingly awesome.

5) The Big Hurt is "95%" close to retirement. I thought this happened already... (http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/news/story?id=4286837)

6) I'm finished.

7) Keg

Michael Jackson May Be Dead...

...but even from beyond the grave stuff like this continues to surface. Good lord he was responsible for some fucked up shit.

Drink, Drink, and Be Merry

What's mine say? Dude! What's mine say? Suite!

Who likes booze? Okay, who likes baseball?

Well, here's a reminder: Jim Beam has a contest to win Sox-related stuff.

You can to win the experience of a lifetime with Jim Beam’s “Take the Mound” sweepstakes. One lucky winner will get the opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a White Sox game, four (4) tickets to the U.S. Cellular Field Jim Beam Club, and autographed White Sox memorabilia! Please let your readers know that all they need to do is visit http://www.jimbeam.com/takethemound and register to win.

I'm not saying that mentioning Luol's Dong might give you an edge in the competition...but I'm not saying it won't. Get my drift? Me either.

Idiots

I don't care how good the Dodgers have been this year - if you send every pitcher up there to throw fastballs down the heart of the plate, you're going to give up 6 HRs. Best of all, the one time that they decide to change it up and throw a breaking pitch is against Josh Fields...the guy who can't hit a fastball! Hilarious!

As a further testament to our inability to move runners or play smart ball, ALL TEN WHITE SOX RUNS WERE SCORED ON HOMERUNS. That's right - not a single runner crossed home on a base hit, sac fly, or anything like that. If it wasn't out of the park, the runners weren't scoring. The 6 HR were the most in a game since 2004...if anyone cares.

Even better is that this game somehow became close when Jimmy CockGobbler was put into the game. Why is does being a lefty somehow entitle him to a spot on this team? I would rather have a pitching machine out there - at least the machine can throw strikes. Instead, in what should have been a blowout, Octavio Dotel has to get called in to pitch, along with Bobby Jenks (and it's extremely distressing that Dotel has a WHIP of 1.63). What a waste.

And now, here's Paul Gilbert with some astronauts:

This is actually really funny

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
Terrell Owens Apologizes
www.comedycentral.com
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

I must say, TO does a nice job with this bit. Maybe he has a future in acting...

-KEG

Always stand by your teammates

Why no congressman, I don't recall eating the old Sammy Sosa...

Ryne Sandberg just become the second ex-Cub that I can tolerate (I've always liked Mark Grace, I'm sorry, really can't help it). According to Ryno, Sosa (and any other steroid abuser) does not deserve to be inducted into the Hall of Fame due to the "integrity" requirement.

Couldn't agree more, big guy.

You cheat and lie about it to the fans (and the government), you don't deserve to be immortalized as an athlete that represents the best of the game. It's pretty straightforward.

From the NY times (which apparently employs better writers than the Dong):

Sosa, who is sixth on Major League Baseball’s career home run list and last played in 2007, had long been suspected of using performance-enhancing drugs, but until now he had never been publicly linked to a positive test.

At the hearing in 2005, Sosa testified that “everything” he had heard “about steroids and human growth hormones is that they are bad for you, even lethal” and that he “would never put anything dangerous like that” in his body.

“To be clear,” he added, “I have never taken illegal performance-enhancing drugs. I have never injected myself or had anyone inject me with anything.”

During that hearing, McGwire, by then retired, repeatedly declined to answer questions about possible drug use, saying he was not there to talk about the past. His statements were widely viewed as an admission of guilt, and since then he has had little involvement with baseball except for privately serving as a hitting tutor for several major leaguers.

At that same hearing, Palmeiro pointed his finger at committee members as he said: “I have never used steroids. Period.” Five months later, he was suspended for 10 games as a result of a positive steroids test."

Could this whole thing be more obvious? How the hell did Sosa outlast Palmeiro and McGwire by 4 years?? Is he some kind of media genius? His case was the most obvious of all... What did we pay congress to do about this again? What a fucking joke.

-KEG

Bull Shit

(Can you say baby Brand?)


I know its hard in the midst of baseball season to think about the Bulls, but stop crying, clean out your vaginas and deal with it.

NBA draft is this week and it will have huge implications for the bulls. I know some of you may be thinking that the Bulls coming off a great playoff performance are set for next year, think again.

This bulls team was at best mediocre this year and had a great playoff series against the Celtics (Minus KG). We are lacking in several positions and still need to figure this Ben Gordon situation out. So it kills me to read this in todays tribune, ""We may take a point guard if we feel that's the best player available," general manager Gar Forman said at a Berto Center news conference."

When are we going to learn that doesnt work. We already have a franchise point guard, and a back up point guard (hinrich) why would we waste a first round draft pick on a point guard that will never see the floor?

Ever since the bone head Brand trade, we have not had a bigman that can consistently score. Tyrus, as much as I love him has not developed and Joe Noah aka the big circus will never be a big scorer.

Please Please Please draft a legit big man that can score. And what the fuck is happening with Luol Deng?



(Ben Gordon respecting the awesome power of The Dong and twittering balls)

Speaking of Twitter

Today's Twitter-related stupidity comes from Dong reader David Gonos (check out his stuff at Open Sports).

Twitter has become an athlete’s way of skipping the media altogether and communicating directly with their fans. The cynic in all of us knows that this is just a marketing tool, but the spectator in us enjoys the random non-retractable comments we might otherwise never have read.

Little did you know, though, that Twitter has actually been around for almost a century now, and has only recently become mainstream. I took time to do some deep research, and I came up with the 10 best “tweets” you might have missed over the past 100 years.

10. BostonBillBuck: big win last night, up 3 games to 2, headed to shea! curse of bambino almost over!!!

9. SD_GM-Beathard: Didn’t want Peyton anyway – can’t win the big game. Leaf will domin8!

8. THE_REAL_BABE: Hey Boston, how my ass taste?

7. Charlie_Hustle14: Hunch --gonna beat the Dodgers by 1.5 runs tonight. ;-)

6. OJuice: Ugh, bad day. Bronco got dirty, ruined Bruno Magli’s, lost a glove, almost missed flight and got just five McNuggets. Is it Friday yet?

5. Bonds40-40: #FF @JCanseco, @RogerRocket, @A-Rod_Money, @BALCO, @CaminitiKen, @Pettitte_Pitcher, @Big_Giambi

4. FavreQB4: Montana to KC!? Come on, Joe! Ur a legend, know when to hang it up!

3. Georgia_Peach: Baseball has gone to hell. :-( RT @JackieRobinson_42: Guess who’s playing 2B for the Dodgers!?!!!

2. CoryLidle1972: Tweeting @ 5000 feet, LOL - This is gr

1. Stilt_Wilt: 10,000!!!!!!! :-)

No. 2, tasteless, I know. Going to hell, yadayada.

I still think that we're missing a couple of Chicago-based ones. Namely...

motherf#$%@ing_oz: counting the days until I can bench @ghetto_anderson for @dewayne_is_wise.

the1trueneckbeard: what a weekend! wtf...did i just wake up in denver?

sexyrexy8: @andres_johnson cant wait to show the cheerleaders here my deep ball

da_coach4ever: @jesus choose your god.

Twitter update

Update:

LuolsDong officially has 2,001 followers on Twitter.

That's a lot of follows.

A giant black monolith like in the 2001 a Space Odyssey.

My balls - twitter them.

-KEG