Thursday, November 29, 2007
In the beginning
Chicago is all kinds of badass.
From our devotion to losing teams to our obsession with Mike Ditka, we have more professional sports testosterone pumping through our veins than even Rex Grossman could handle.
However, since our quarterback isn't as good looking (or overtly homosexual) as Tom Brady and our basketball team refuses to trade for a marquee guy like Rapist Bryant or even our own homegrown KG, we are decidedly irrelevant. Even when the Sox brought home the first World Series in almost 5 Sean Taylor's, nobody seemed to give a shit.
And it's not like we're some small city like Green Bay or Minnesota, where the rest of the country only pays attention when there is a need to fellate Brett Favre or Adrian Peterson. We are the 3rd largest city in the entire goddamn country and home to legendary franchises like the Bears and Bulls.
There must be at least a handful of our neighbors that would rather read about the Garland trade or Benson's ankle than the exact volume of ARod's latest bowel movement or which salvation army suppplies Belicheck's game attire. For those of us living in exile, ESPN and the Internet have proven to be a shitty resource for Chicago sports.
We do not pretend to be experts, professionals or particularly well-endowed. Nevertheless, to quote the great Mike Tyson: "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."
God bless that man, he gives us all hope.