Scalabrine Taking Us Into Number 900

For post #900, I give you...

THE BEST OF SCALABRINE

Go HAWKS!

Quick Thought

I know we talked about this before, but where the hell are all the good Chicago mascots?

Here's a quick rundown of what we have right now:

Bulls: Benny the Bull

Bears: Staley The Bear (who...?)

Blackhawks: Tommy Hawk

White Sox: Southpaw (retired?)

Cubs: ...Ronnie WooWoo?

Seriously, I had to actually think beyond Tommy Hawk and Benny the Bull to get to Southpaw, and even after that it was straight to Wikipedia to figure out the rest of these.

Is it that hard to find cheap mascot costumes? Or discount mascot costumes for that matter?

Benny and Tommy are actually pretty kickass, but the rest of these aren't going to cut it. What good is Southpaw with Buerhle gone? Here are some quick new suggestions for the Bears, Sox, and Cubs.

Bears: Quarterbear.

• Appearance: Looks like a real bear, except one arm is in a sling. The other arm has the playbook on it. May or may not be attached to someone annoying from "The Hills"
• Attitude: Sulks, gets injured right before the playoffs. Has Wilford Brimley on speed dial.

Sox: Anti-Fan

• Appearance: Looks like a normal Sox fan, except instead of wearing pro-Sox materials, simply wears anti-Cubs gear. Sports a "Cuck the Fubs" hat, T-Shirt with a billy goat on it, and generally seems surly.
• Attitude: Points out jubilantly when the Cubs lose, chants "1908", and tunes out mid-season once both teams are out of contention.

Cubs: Bleacher Bob

• Appearance: Drunk. Very very drunk. Is surrounded by incredibly hot drunk chicks.
• Attitude: Super-chipper, very friendly, completely oblivious to the fact that he's anywhere near a baseball game.

Thoughts?

Drugs Are Bad, M'Kay?

Sam Hurd, your talents make football more enjoyable. When you were acquired from the Cowboys, I was so excited. I said to myself, "That guy looked like a playmaker with Romo - imagine what he could do with Cutler!"

I had no idea that in addition to playing football, you could also be one of the largest coke dealers in the history of Chicago. I mean, that's just flat-out impressive. Nate Newton's 213 lbs of Mary Jane? Small time. Hurd was apparently looking to buy 5 to 10 kilograms of cocaine per week for distribution in the Chicago-land area.

Despite currently looking at 40-years or more in the slammer, I still think I would rather have 60+ year old Hurd's hands than current Hester. Just saying.

Oh Well

So Orton's not coming here. At least we have this!

It's time.

Bingo.

In a noon press conference on Monday, Chicago Bears head coach Lovie Smith announced the team will pursue the services of free agent veteran quarterback. Coach Smith said the Bears expect to get Cutler back late in the year, but still anticipate signing an additional QB to backup Caleb Hanie, saying, "The plan is to look for a veteran, preferably." (here)

Fuck movember it's now neckbeardvember. All of Chicago needs to grow a thick, shaggy neck beard and petition to bring back our prodigal son... (frighteningly, this actually makes a LOT of sense).

Next stop: Super Bowl.

-KEG

Cutler Is Dead

It'll be OK...just ask for a double-check discount

Well, that's some lousy news. Cutler, out until (roughly) the playoffs, and during a year where he has largely been everything we paid for and more. Great pocket presence, great accuracy, and great insulin-taking...right when we need it.

So now we have this.

Frankly, I am in favor of what Cutler did on the play that caused all this. It's gutsy and dumb. It's exactly what I like. It's like buying hockey equipment in Mexico. And sure, he may be gone for now, but Hanie is enough to get it done.

Despite all the whining, the real issue here isn't even our team. The Bears have been great - the defense has improved markedly, and since Bennett has been back, there's an element to the offense not named "Forte." Even with Hanie at the helm, I'm not worried about our skill level or ability to win games.

I am worried about the Lions and Packers, who threaten to dominate the division anyways. Why can't we be in the AFC West? Or even the NFC West?

Bah

Chitown Homeboy Just Crushing It

Hooters Kiss - Watch MoreFunny Videos
via Break

Love the swagger on this dude. That's how we do it in Chicago.

Nice sweetness jersey.

-KEG

Bears Take a Dump on Detroit

Oh fuck yes. Revenge is delightful. The Lions are a bunch of assholes - cheap shots and dirty plays all over the place. Aside from losing Chris Williams for the season (NOOOOO!!!!), this was a statement victory.

Classic Bears win from all the things we do well: special teams, defense, take away's and limited mistakes on offense. Loving Cutler right now. And I guess we shouldn't pay Forte?? I like him running angry...

Now go back to not making cars, Detroit.

That was a pleasant surprise!

Good to have you back, Earl.

Bears 30, Eagles 24.

Our offensive line just dominated that entire game. Pass protection was great (Cutler was only hit ONCE tonight and it was a late hit penalty that saved our final drive), run blocking was great (Forte and Barber: 33 carries for 164, 1TD) and only a handful of penalties instead of the normal barrage of false starts and holding calls.

Cutler played yet another awesome game and looked a lot more comfortable in the pocket with big Earl out there as a safety valve. The Eagles were supposed to have one of the best secondaries ever assembled and we beat them pretty handily. We only punted twice all game (not including the final kick to run clock) and without the Forte fumbles, we probably would have put up even better numbers offensively. No problems converting 3rd downs and overall not a lot of mistakes.

Our defense was also stout - loved the hustle from Idonije and Briggs and really impressed with Peppers' ability to impact pretty much every play (even when he's hurt). Our inexperienced secondary was supposed to be a big question mark tonight but we completely locked down Jackson and Maclin. I really like Tim Jennings out there: fast, aggressive and doesn't give up big plays.

The only cons were the uncharacteristic Forte fumbles and the fact that Hester injured his ankle towards the end of the game, although the severity wasn't clear.

This leaves us at 5-3 with a legitimate chance of moving into 2nd place in the NFC North if we can exact revenge on the Lions next week (now a huge game). They kicked our ass a few weeks back but we're a better, healthier team now with a lot more confidence. If Cutler keeps leading the offense the way he's been doing the past few weeks (minus the TB game, he's had QB ratings of 99.6, 115.9 and 96.9), we should be in good shape. He finally looks comfortable back in the pocket and with Forte keeping defenses honest, we might be able to finally implement some crazy Martz aerial fireworks.

GO BEARS!!!

-KEG