Friday, December 31, 2010

Oney Guillen is a Douche Nozzle

Exhibit A

Look, I hate to rip on the Guillen family. Ozzie is a great ballplayer, he brought us a championship in '05, and watching the teleprompter try and figure out what the hell he's saying at live pressers is comedy gold. Even so, this shit with Oney has to stop.

Bobby Jenks is a fat alcoholic redneck with anger issues. In related news, the sky is blue, socks go on your feet, and you never go ass to mouth. That's some fine detective work, Oney. Seriously, you think people don't know that? Jesus Christ, look at the guy. You don't just come out and say stuff like that.

Likewise, you don't call someone else's integrity into question. Yes, Jenks "started it." Whoop-de-do. Jenks was pissed that he was getting mixed signals from the club, felt like he hadn't been treated right, and felt that he "earned" more respect. Fine. True or not, that is a direct shot at Ozzie (and maybe even Kenny) but no one else. Nowhere in Jenks' salvo did he mention you, Oney.

Where the fuck do you get off questioning someone else's integrity anyways? Last I checked, you got fired from a nepotistic dream job because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut. You are not the manager. You are not even associated with the team at this point. You are nothing more than the direct offspring of the manager. That would be the equivalent of expecting Terry Francona's kid to speak up. Come on.

While I'm at it, can you learn to spell or use punctuation? It's brutal! I can make a fake Oney post. Watch this:

i am a gigntic douchenozzle u should shut ur mouth bc im oney and im cool and stuff

Amazing. Talk about tapping into talent.

So where do we go from here? I expect Ozzie to do all of the following:

#1. Distance himself from Oney and lay down the smack. You do not want to be categorized as the manager who spills clubhouse secrets, and certainly don't want to be shown as nepotistic. Call out Oney for being a little bitch, and tell him to fuck off. Tough love.

#2. Ignore Bobby. What good is arguing going to do here? I think that Guillen is one of the better managers in the league when it comes to using his pitchers. There are some weird mental gaps there, sure, but can you blame him for not trusting Bobby after watching him get lit up three nights a week? Don't even acknowledge his comments. Wish him will in Boston, and move on.

#3. Set some ground rules. No more of this shit. Talk to all your kids, Ozzie. Have a clubhouse meeting. This is the sort of shit that divides clubhouses and gets people fired. Air your dirty laundry in a proper team environment (read: not the media). This cannot happen again. Make that clear.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Korver is absolutely killing it in this video.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Israel... always the aggressor

The Bears put a hurting on the Vikings on MNF yesterday, knocking Favre out of the game en route to a 40-14 victory.

With the win, the Bears move to a commanding 10-4 and lock up the NFC North.

I'm pretty sure that just about every "expert" predicted the Bears to finish third in the division behind the Packers and Vikings with 6-8 wins being the consensus. Well, we're not who they thought we were...

Turns out everything the coaching staff has been saying all season is accurate: the O-line just needed time to gel, the WR's needed time to get used to Martz's new schemes, the defense needed to get healthy and Cutler will be just fine. Turn the clock back 14 weeks and everyone is talking about how our O-line can't protect Cutler, how Cutler can't be a high-caliber QB while throwing careless INT's all the time (he can!!) and how Urlacher was washed up, Peppers was a waste of money, Hester can't play WR and is now ineffective at returning kicks and Greg Olsen needed to be traded.

Now, the picture is a bit different:

Division champs baby! Just another dominating performance by our defense and special teams - 2 critical factors for any team looking to make a playoff run. Both can dramatically change the game in an instant, especially with our takeaway-focused defense.

Let's kick the shit out of the Packers in week 17 just for giggles.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Congrats on 10K, TJ


The NY Times had an awesome article about TJ before the game yesterday, as he was on the verge of surpassing 10,000 career rushing yards.

After grinding out (and he doesn't run for yards, he only grinds or rumbles for them) 62 yards against the Rams, TJ is now only the third active player (Tomlinson, Fred Taylor) to hold that achievement in the NFL. At 32 years old, he's now #25 all time and aside from Terry Allen, the only player in the top 150 to play for 5 different teams (and Allen was traded late in his career, not in his prime).

The article played up the main themes that seem to always describe TJ: ridiculous work ethic, lack of pretense and being totally under appreciated. The Times took a similar approach in another article from last summer where they dug into his family background and his career history.

Jones is the kind of player that nobody ever talks about and is someone who will quickly be forgotten a few years after he retires (hopefully in 2020).

Nobody will talk about the punishment he took in Chicago, facing 9 guys in the box with Craig Krenzel, Rex Grossman, Chad Hutchinson, Kyle Orton and Brian Griese all taking turns missing easy 5 yard outs while playing make-believe NFL quarterback.

Nobody will talk about how he rumbled for over 1000 yards for every year of his 4 year contract with the Jets. Or that he holds the single game franchise record with 210 yards. Or the little things that get buried without statistics, like how he saved the Jets by converting and end of game 4th and 1 against an entire defensive set, 3 boulders and a small truck to beat SD in the playoffs last season.

And sure, Jamaal Charles is a nice change of pace back but TJ still runs the crowded box downs (1st and 2nd) and short yardage. He's 32. He's still averaging 4.0 yards/carry. He's still a beast. And I didn't even MENTION his biceps (which are glorious).

I've only heard him complain twice: the first time about Cedric Benson being entitled (holy shit was he right) and the second about Brett Favre milking attention (ditto).

Here's a guy who plays the game the way we always want our heroes to play - dedicated, committed, a great teammate, humble and leads by example. Just shut up and play hard, letthe stats speak for themselves. Winning always comes before personal accolades.

This is the kind of player we all want on our teams. He is the kind of guy we all wish was more like our own best player (especially if you live in Philly and have to root for DeSean Jackson, that insufferable egomaniac - compare his post game press conference to Devin Hester's and you'll know what I'm talking about).

So, congrats TJ. Just like everything you've achieved in your career, it's hard earned and well deserved despite being mostly unnoticed.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Respect the Dong!

Damn right Dtosh! "RESPECT THE DONG"

Quick updates, as it's been a few weeks:

1) Bears: Managed to steal another win from the Lions (holy shit those are some suffering fans) thanks to a fake penalty on Suh for trying but thankfully failing to kill Jay Cutler. I'll take it! tough loss to the Pats at home last week but we were due for a turd and there's no shame in dropping it against the hottest team in football. Let's just make sure we can bounce back this week and get a win against the Vikes (hopefully sans Favrenis) and maybe even at a neutral site after their stupid stadium had bad case of explosive Taco Bell-style snow diarrhea.

2) Bulls: Yeah baby! Riding high at 15-8 with 6 straight wins and Boozer is starting to round into form (22-18 last night). Derrick Rose is basically unstoppable and can play through injuries so the rest of the league is fucked.

Kobe said it best:

"I can tell when a player truly wants to be better and does what it takes to improve," Bryant said Thursday, one night before the rematch in Chicago. "It was a quality I had when I was growing up. … I admire that about him. I could really see it from last year to this year."

"He's got a long-range ball now," Bryant said. "He can pop behind the pick and shoot the jumper. He can pull up off the dribble and shoot it, and him getting to the rim goes unquestioned. He's putting the time in the gym, and I certainly respect that."

Also, this is adorable:

3) White Sox: Gepetto covered everything in the last two posts but I'm excited to have Paulie back. It would be weird to see him in another uniform... Also glad to bring Dunn on board, he'll hit a bunch of dingers in the Cell. Now, if we can get our rotation healthy...

4) Cubs:

How can anyone take this franchise seriously anymore? Can't throw money at the problems (well you can. And you did. And you failed.) so now what? The baseball gods show no mercy.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010



Where the hell is that Staples button, because that was easy. Three years, $37.5 million, and an insane 1-2 punch with Dunn for at least the next three years. That's exciting.

Let's take a look at our roster, shall we?

1B: Paulie
2B: Beckham
SS: Ramirez
3B: Teahen (really? I give this two weeks before Morel is playing 3B again and Teahen platoons)
LF: Pierre
CF: Rios
RF: Quentin (switch with Dunn as needed)
DH: Dunn

That's fucking good. With Rios, Dunn, Quentin, Ramirez and Paulie you're looking at 150 HR potential. Yeah, we're going to be "station-to-station" again, but we never really were built for speed. Deal with it, Ozzie.

Oh, and that pitching rotation?

1: Peavy
2: Jackson
3: Floyd
4: Danks
5: Buerhle

Holy fuckballs. That could be the best rotation in baseball. Yeah, Peavy may not be back proper this season (in which case we say hello to Lucas Harrel again - you could do worse). Yeah, our bullpen needs a few less question marks (Thornton, Sale, Santos...Pena...Nunez...Dolsi?). So what? This team has serious potential. Stay healthy, stay strong, and see you in October.

Oh, and the Cubs signed Tony Pena or something. Fuck that guy.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dunn Dunn DUNNNNNN!!!


Well, KW certainly has been busy this offseason. Look at everything he has accomplished in the last 72 hours:

#1. Sox sign Adam Dunn to a 4-year deal
#2. Sox trade Linebrink
#3. Sox sign Pierzynski
#4. Sox non-tender Jenks
#5. Ron Santo dies

Seriously, this is probably the best 72 hours I have experienced as a Sox fan since 2005. You can't argue with that kind of production!

Let's take these one at a time, shall we?

#1. Sox sign Adam Dunn. I like this move, and I don't like this move. On the one hand, it further cements the "Kenny Gets His Man" Mantra, which is something I would have hoped would have been disproved by now. I wouldn't be surprised if the Sox get Rafael Soriano in 2017 just because Kenny wanted him now (see: Griffey, Ken; Ramirez, Manny; Alomar, Roberto).

There's lots of signs that Dunn will play LF or DH next year if Konerko comes back, but as much as Reinsdorf loves Paulie, I can't imagine that he'll open the checkbook that far...especially with Ozzie trying to go away from the longball. Yeah, I know all about this "deferred contract" business, but c'mon.

That said, even though Dunn has more K's than the rest of the Nationals pitching staff combined, the guy can do some serious damage - especially at the homer-friendly Cell. If Paulie comes back, I'll upgrade this from a "passive excitement" to "holy shitballs."

#2. Sox trade Linebrink. Addition by subtraction. The fact that we got money out of this is even better (further evidence that Paulie is returning). Cofield is just a name to attach to this deal. Some would say it's a cash dump, I say I would prefer to start anything instead of Linebrink. Great move.

#3. Pierzynski re-signs. Not sure how I feel about this one. The contract is back-loaded, which means that we're going to be kinda fucked in 2012 when AJ is hitting .230 while commanding $8 million. The $2 million this year shows that he's willing to take a cash hit to get Paulie in (good show), and that we have no faith in Flowers or Castro. I personally think that once Flowers started ignoring the coaching staff's comments on his swing (and his average rose .200 points), he got to a better place. I guess we take a "wait and see" approach. AJ is still a good clubhouse character to have around. Who thought I would be saying THOSE words when AJ signed the first time!?

#4. Sox non-tender Jenks. Thank god. I was actually worried that the Sox were going to try and keep him on for whatever reason, or that they were going to offer Arbitration in the hopes that he declined so that we could get a draft pick. I can tell you right now that I wouldn't pay more than $3 million a year for his services - nowhere near the double-digits that he was expected to get from arbitration. Spooky.

#5. Ron Santo dies. Not sure how you pulled that one off, KW, but I gotta give credit for efficiency where due.