Friday, December 31, 2010

Oney Guillen is a Douche Nozzle

Exhibit A

Look, I hate to rip on the Guillen family. Ozzie is a great ballplayer, he brought us a championship in '05, and watching the teleprompter try and figure out what the hell he's saying at live pressers is comedy gold. Even so, this shit with Oney has to stop.

Bobby Jenks is a fat alcoholic redneck with anger issues. In related news, the sky is blue, socks go on your feet, and you never go ass to mouth. That's some fine detective work, Oney. Seriously, you think people don't know that? Jesus Christ, look at the guy. You don't just come out and say stuff like that.

Likewise, you don't call someone else's integrity into question. Yes, Jenks "started it." Whoop-de-do. Jenks was pissed that he was getting mixed signals from the club, felt like he hadn't been treated right, and felt that he "earned" more respect. Fine. True or not, that is a direct shot at Ozzie (and maybe even Kenny) but no one else. Nowhere in Jenks' salvo did he mention you, Oney.

Where the fuck do you get off questioning someone else's integrity anyways? Last I checked, you got fired from a nepotistic dream job because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut. You are not the manager. You are not even associated with the team at this point. You are nothing more than the direct offspring of the manager. That would be the equivalent of expecting Terry Francona's kid to speak up. Come on.

While I'm at it, can you learn to spell or use punctuation? It's brutal! I can make a fake Oney post. Watch this:

i am a gigntic douchenozzle u should shut ur mouth bc im oney and im cool and stuff

Amazing. Talk about tapping into talent.

So where do we go from here? I expect Ozzie to do all of the following:

#1. Distance himself from Oney and lay down the smack. You do not want to be categorized as the manager who spills clubhouse secrets, and certainly don't want to be shown as nepotistic. Call out Oney for being a little bitch, and tell him to fuck off. Tough love.

#2. Ignore Bobby. What good is arguing going to do here? I think that Guillen is one of the better managers in the league when it comes to using his pitchers. There are some weird mental gaps there, sure, but can you blame him for not trusting Bobby after watching him get lit up three nights a week? Don't even acknowledge his comments. Wish him will in Boston, and move on.

#3. Set some ground rules. No more of this shit. Talk to all your kids, Ozzie. Have a clubhouse meeting. This is the sort of shit that divides clubhouses and gets people fired. Air your dirty laundry in a proper team environment (read: not the media). This cannot happen again. Make that clear.