Sunday, November 28, 2010


I thought the circus clowns left Chicago last week...

Despite Daryl Johnston's off-field distractions, the Bears just won the biggest game of the season.

We contained Michael Vick, shut down the most explosive WR tandem in the NFL (Jackson, Maclin) and we put up points on the #3 ranked defense (albeit without Asante Samuel).

We are now unequivocally the best team in the NFC and with the Packers losing earlier today, we also have a commanding lead in the NFC North.

A few quick observations:

  • Our offense looks balanced. The fans and weak O-line forced Martz to commit to the run 3 weeks ago. It's not unrelated that we've gone 3-0 since then. Forte is explosive and dangerous with enough touches while the run game as a whole keeps the defense honest, grinds the clock and plays to our O-line's strengths (undersized - stout and quick).
  • Julius Peppers is a constant difference maker. Every play, all game long, he's going 110%. It's insane. He's clearly inspired the rest of the unit to pursue through the whistle (something we've lacked for the last 2 years). Idonije and Melton are clearly learning from Peppers and his motor is contagious.
  • Special Teams gives us a huge advantage. Hester has been incredible (thankfully, they finally decided to rotate him at WR instead of forcing him to be a WR1) and Dan Manning is a beast. we gain an extra 20-40 yards every change of possession. Field position is so underrated.... especially when we have a coffin kick specialist in Maynard.
We're playing inspired football right now. We've got the us-against-the-world-attitude just like we did in 2007 when we went to the Super Bowl. All the "experts" have been saying we're overrated and have huge problems with the O-line and with Cutler's attitude. (Also, I loved his unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. SHOW ME THE FIRE, JAY!). Look, if nobody wants to take us seriously, that's fine - see you in Dallas.


Friday, November 26, 2010

MJ gives LeBron a Steaming Hot Carl

I assume this is a mashup someone made but holy crap is it awesome.

Someone should force LeBron to watch this on repeat until he wins a championship.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Gepetto vs Keggers?

Yes, our teams really are that bad

This week is big.

Much like Christmas and Independence Day, there is one day in the year that I look forward to more than any other:

The day that Keggers and I play each other in Fantasy week.

I prefer to call this day "Scrambled Eggs Day" or "Judgment Day" or even "You Will Fucking Lose" day. Currently, my team is in last place. That's right boys and girls - as a (karma induced?) victim of the buzzsaw in multiple weeks, I find myself in the top half of the league in points scored, but number one in points against. Last week was an especially painful loss (130 - 140) that pushed me further into the depths of the basement as I clawed my way towards freedom.

Let's see how this week's matchup is going to play out, shall we?

QB - Eli Manning (21) vs Jay Cutler (9.57). I've got this one easy. As much as I love Cutler, Thursday night's conservative offense did Keggers no favors. If Manning tops 100 yards and a TD (and I expect he will with a shootout against Philly in the making), then I already get more points. Winner: Gepetto

RB1: Rashard Mendenhall (17) vs Steven Jackson (14). Despite fucking me over last week with a non-existant performance, the universe knows that Mendenhall is generally good for 16 points any given week. Throw in the fact that he has a matchup against Oakland, and you can bet that the Steelers will try and control the game with the run. SJax is also quite a player, although I expect that he will largely be taken out of the game to block once St Louis starts losing early to Atlanta's high powered offense. Winner: Gepetto

RB2: Fred Jackson (11) vs Shonne Green (11). Even though Jackson had an insane week last week, Buffalo is still a team with only one win on the season. If I believed for a second that they could hold a lead against Cincy, I would give myself the nod here. On the flip side, Green has been non-existent almost all season, and has taken a serious backseat to LT. I say both get about 10 points for their owners. Winner: Push.

WR1: Calvin Johnson (21) vs Hines Ward (11). Not even close. Hines is a baller (when he isn't concussed), but there is no stopping Calvin this year. Shaun Hill has no problems with force feeding him jump balls, and CJ couldn't be happier. Winner: Keggers

WR2: Jabar Gaffney (9) vs Brandon Marshall (5.6). Normally I would have given Keggers the edge here, but 5.6 points? Really? Gaffney is averaging 9. I think I've got this one in the bag. Winner: Gepetto.

WR3: Mike Thomas (9) vs Pierre Garcon (13). While Thomas had an amazing week for me last week, he has a tougher matchup and a pretty low chance of catching a 50-yard hail mary off of a riccochet. Garcon has all the tools to be amazing (and a WR1), but so far has been a huge disappointment this season. Even so, the guy can be much more dangerous than Thomas when he's clicking. Winner: Keggers

TE: Jacob Tamme (13) vs Tony Gonzalez (6). Tamme is the best TE in football right now. The man has put up double-digits in each of his last three (and only three) starts. Try and keep up when all you're doing is blocking for the run game, Tony. Winner: Gepetto.

K: Shayne Graham (9) vs Adam Vinatieri (12). Both are good, but Graham seems to be a little less accurate than the guy with the superbowl rings and the more potent offense. It's gonna be close, but I give Vinatieri the nod here. Winner: Keggers.

DEF: Bears (18) vs Kansas City (9). If the Bears hadn't already played, I would give this one a push. Frankly, Arizona is awful and KC should put up a big game against them. Then again, the Bears already gave me a delicious 18 points. You're fucked. Winner: Gepetto

Tally it all up, and what do you get? I'll tell you. Final score 118 - 100. Gepetto wins despite the monster day from Calvin Johnson. Kneel before Zod.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Too funny

I couldn't not post this. So awesome.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Bears D beats Dolphins

Holy crap, are we 7-3?

That was the most boring football game I've ever seen.

Tyler Thigpen sucks, yet, was only marginally worse that Jay Cutler (both had a QB rating ~60). Cutler escaped with only 1 INT (he actually threw 3 but they were dropped or on penalties) and no TD's. However, his "decision making" was somehow better, according to Joe Thiesmann, who might be some kind of self-aware cookie trapped in a human body.

It wasn't pretty, but the Bears improved to 7-3 on a short week (4 days rest) and sit on top of the NFC (which will look even better when the Giants lose to the Vicks on Sunday). We're also undefeated in the division with wins over the Packers and Vikings.

Most importantly, the Bears showed 3 major improvements:

1) The offensive line is getting better. Not quite good yet, but better.
2) We can establish a run game, it just takes time. Forte/Taylor can drive the ball and our schemes are decent, when Cutler is hitting his short passes.
3) The pass rush actually can cover up for our weak(er) secondary. Should out to big Henry Melton, who has been getting better every week after replacing Mark Anderson. He and Israel Idonije have been bringing the heat with the attention focused on Peppers/Urlacher/Briggs.

I'm not convinced we can cover big physical WR's (Marshall could have had 200 yards if he wasn't a spaz and didn't get hurt) but our defense was VERY good tonight. Let's not forget, Thigpen was no worse than Cutler and they boast Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams in the backfield yet, they couldn't move the ball at all, all night long.

Feeling good right now, even though we SHOULD be 9-1 (Washington and Seattle were very winnable) but can't complain.

The whole season comes down to the next 6 weeks - if we can finish over .500, it's playoff time.


P.S. How awkward must that meeting have been for Cutler and Marshall? They could have set every conceivable Broncos record playing together in Denver for 10 years and instead, both complained their way out of town. Now, Cutler is dying for a go-to receiver (like Marshall) and Marshall is dying for a big-armed, over confident QB (like Cutler). Grass is always greener... idiots.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Pack Your Bags?

This is a VERY important game for the Bears.

With a win, the Bears go to 6-3 with division wins against the Vikings and Packers and we're looking good for a playoff berth.

With a loss, we drop to a single game above the Vikings and 2 games back of the Packers. We also have a really tough remaining schedule (MIA, PHI, DET, NE, MIN, NYJ, GB) so a win here is critical.

We'd be lucky to go 3-4 in these last seven games and I worry 9 wins won't be enough for the playoffs.

And, of course, if we're not headed the playoffs, Lovie better be able to pack a quick suitcase.

Last time we played the Vikings, Favre carved us up for a million yards. Let's hope we can hit the old man a few times and get a few turnovers (cause god knows we're going to give them the ball at least 3 times).

Big game. Let's go Bears.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Joe Noah is Fucking Awesome

He may look like a hippie but big Joe isn't afraid to drop bombs...

From ESPN Chicago:

Joakim Noah's candor is a quality that separates the Chicago Bulls center from many athletes, and when the subject is Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett, Noah's candor can turn into biting commentary.

Noah has gone from a fan who once had a Garnett poster in his room to someone who probably has a Garnett photo on his dartboard.

"Kevin Garnett will not -- will not -- get a Christmas gift from me," Noah said with a tinge of humor Wednesday on "The Waddle & Silvy Show" on ESPN 1000. "I don't like him."

The feud started, or perhaps escalated, during last season's playoffs. After Garnett was suspended for throwing an elbow at Quentin Richardson, Noah -- who was in Cleveland playing the Cavaliers -- chimed in that Garnett was a "dirty player."

The most recent incident was Friday night in Boston when Noah received a technical foul, and afterward said of Garnett: "He is who he is."He's a very mean guy," Noah said Wednesday. "Where's the love? None at all. Ugly, too."

Noah said what makes the relationship difficult is how big a fan he was of Garnett before entering the NBA in 2007.

"I had his poster in my room," Noah said. "I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down. And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don't know why, but that's who he doesn't like. He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet." The Bulls play in Boston on Dec. 3.

I love Joe Noah.

We all know KG is a huge prick. He's been a huge dick ever since his skills started slipping and he started getting a rep for being soft. He's always barking at everyone, notoriously picking on smaller and weaker players. Last week he got in trouble for telling Charlie Villanueva that he looked like a cancer patient. (Pathetic attempt to dig himself out of it by claiming he said he was "a cancer" to his team. What a cock.)

Joe Noah is the shit. I don't know how anyone doesn't like him or his game. He plays hard all the time, hustles like crazy, holds his own against anyone and gets better in big games. He's an awesome teammate and I'd argue one of the best overall centers in the NBA.

I also love that he has no qualms about calling out KG in public. Reminds me of when he called out LeBron for being a bitch last season. LeBron was doing his little dance and shit and taking an hour to shoot free throws and Noah just started ripping into him (mind you, this is an during an away game):

I respect the hell out of Joe Noah. I can't say enough good things about the guy. I just want to hang out with him... seems like an awesome dude to have a beer with and a guy you'd want on your side in a street fight. I feel like Champ in Anchorman. "I think you and me should get an apartment together!"

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


At Keggers' request, I'm uploading (and reviewing) a very special video from his childhood. What we have here is some classic cinema, '80s style. Let's get started, shall we?


OK, let's take a minute and review what's going on here. First things first: This Fisto guy is a total bear. I mean, let's examine the facts here:

1. Beard.
2. Tiny shorts
3. Christ on a cock, his name is FISTO. Which, as some of our Latino readers might notice, is Spanish for "fist." Don't even get me started on that spider thing that shoots sticky white stuff. The only way the show's writers could've been more blatant is if they named this character BUTTFUCKO, and gave him a boy sidekick who was walking funny and bleeding out of his asshole.

Back to the show...

I like how Fisto is reluctant to accept help from the girl at the end. Kind of like Bennett from Commando: "I DON'T NEED THE GIRL!!" And how he feels that Skeletor won't take him back now that he's "changed." I bet that's how a lot of young men feel after coming out to their parents. There's a deeper lesson to be learned here, people.

Well, now you know what Kegs talks about in therapy. For Luol's Dong A&E, this is Fisting Andrew Golota, getting the fuck out of here.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Grumpy Old Men

Enough of this basketball bullshit! You think I care about Luol Deng dropping points - let alone anything other than his engorged hoagie? You sir, are mistaken. Also, Lu, if you're reading this, your shirt is in the mail. More on this later...

Instead, let's talk about Omar Vizquel for a sec. Y'see, father time here is going to be sticking around with the Sox for another season. What does that mean for us? Well, it's actually going to mean a few things, but this one is the most important:

We're probably not re-signing Konerko

Sure, I could have told you that he's due a huge payday that the Sox can't really afford during mini-rebuilding, but Reisndorf would suck a golfball through a garden hose for that guy. It's not about the money. It's about having a place to play. Currently, the expected infield works out to something like this:

3B: Vizquel (spelled by utility infielder X...probably Morel/Lillibridge)
SS: Ramirez
2B: Beckham
1B: Teahen
DH: Viciedo
C: Pierzynski/Castro (Flowers isn't ready yet)

There's two schools of thought. School of thought one is that Viciedo is the DH, The other is that Viciedo plays 1B. Either way, Teahen has shown that someone twice his age is better with the glove (and Teahen is on the hook for a while too). Also, Mark Kotsay will probably be buried before he gets cut, so that's another fleshy body to throw at the 1B position.

Unless Kenny gets into "win now" mode again (and I don't think he can given how much the division is going to be improved from last year), Paulie is going to be an Angel.

Can anyone make my fantasy team win a game? Jesus.

Deng Dong!

Remember me?

A few things to consider:
  • Luol Deng is only 25 years old and this is already his 7th season.
  • Three years ago, he was nearly traded for Kobe Bryant (possibly the third best player of all time).
  • He's become the best all around defender on the Bulls and arguably one of the best defensive SF's in the NBA.
Everyone was so adamant about getting LeBron to fill the "void" we have at the 3 spot over the summer and now that same group of fans are loudly clamoring for Melo after 2 games, after a few bad shooting nights from Deng. Let's not forget that Luol Deng is a versatile, all-around talent who has managed to contribute at a high level on very different rosters in an array of roles: scorer, defender, facilitator, swing man, rebounder, whatever. He gets the job done at both ends of the court and he's a good teammate.

Deng went 14/19 for 40 points and also locked down All-Star Brandon Roy (4-12, 17 points). He hit outside shots, drove to the basket and opened up the court for Rose. He's doing all the things Melo would do, minus the god complex.

When Boozer gets healthy, the Bulls will have a top 5 PG who can shoot and slash, a top 5 low post scorer who can hit shots and finish at the rim and a top 5 center who hits the boards and is a defensive monster. Pair those 3 up with Deng, who can be the glue (rather than a guy who needs the ball like Mel0) and it just makes everyone better. Not necessarily on paper, but in chemistry and in wins, which is all that matters.

Deng might be the Horace Grant or the Lamar Odom of this team: he'll do whatever needs to get done in order to win. He has the swiss-army knife of tools to contribute anything on any given night. I think that makes him more valuable than Melo for this stacked Bulls team, despite the gap in talent.

The Bulls look great through 3 games (2-1 with a tough loss to the Durants). I'm loving Thibodeau's defense and chemistry. Loving the improvement from Rose/Noah and can't wait for Boozer to hit the court. Deng might just be the missing piece that nobody is talking about...