Saturday, November 20, 2010

Gepetto vs Keggers?

Yes, our teams really are that bad

This week is big.

Much like Christmas and Independence Day, there is one day in the year that I look forward to more than any other:

The day that Keggers and I play each other in Fantasy week.

I prefer to call this day "Scrambled Eggs Day" or "Judgment Day" or even "You Will Fucking Lose" day. Currently, my team is in last place. That's right boys and girls - as a (karma induced?) victim of the buzzsaw in multiple weeks, I find myself in the top half of the league in points scored, but number one in points against. Last week was an especially painful loss (130 - 140) that pushed me further into the depths of the basement as I clawed my way towards freedom.

Let's see how this week's matchup is going to play out, shall we?

QB - Eli Manning (21) vs Jay Cutler (9.57). I've got this one easy. As much as I love Cutler, Thursday night's conservative offense did Keggers no favors. If Manning tops 100 yards and a TD (and I expect he will with a shootout against Philly in the making), then I already get more points. Winner: Gepetto

RB1: Rashard Mendenhall (17) vs Steven Jackson (14). Despite fucking me over last week with a non-existant performance, the universe knows that Mendenhall is generally good for 16 points any given week. Throw in the fact that he has a matchup against Oakland, and you can bet that the Steelers will try and control the game with the run. SJax is also quite a player, although I expect that he will largely be taken out of the game to block once St Louis starts losing early to Atlanta's high powered offense. Winner: Gepetto

RB2: Fred Jackson (11) vs Shonne Green (11). Even though Jackson had an insane week last week, Buffalo is still a team with only one win on the season. If I believed for a second that they could hold a lead against Cincy, I would give myself the nod here. On the flip side, Green has been non-existent almost all season, and has taken a serious backseat to LT. I say both get about 10 points for their owners. Winner: Push.

WR1: Calvin Johnson (21) vs Hines Ward (11). Not even close. Hines is a baller (when he isn't concussed), but there is no stopping Calvin this year. Shaun Hill has no problems with force feeding him jump balls, and CJ couldn't be happier. Winner: Keggers

WR2: Jabar Gaffney (9) vs Brandon Marshall (5.6). Normally I would have given Keggers the edge here, but 5.6 points? Really? Gaffney is averaging 9. I think I've got this one in the bag. Winner: Gepetto.

WR3: Mike Thomas (9) vs Pierre Garcon (13). While Thomas had an amazing week for me last week, he has a tougher matchup and a pretty low chance of catching a 50-yard hail mary off of a riccochet. Garcon has all the tools to be amazing (and a WR1), but so far has been a huge disappointment this season. Even so, the guy can be much more dangerous than Thomas when he's clicking. Winner: Keggers

TE: Jacob Tamme (13) vs Tony Gonzalez (6). Tamme is the best TE in football right now. The man has put up double-digits in each of his last three (and only three) starts. Try and keep up when all you're doing is blocking for the run game, Tony. Winner: Gepetto.

K: Shayne Graham (9) vs Adam Vinatieri (12). Both are good, but Graham seems to be a little less accurate than the guy with the superbowl rings and the more potent offense. It's gonna be close, but I give Vinatieri the nod here. Winner: Keggers.

DEF: Bears (18) vs Kansas City (9). If the Bears hadn't already played, I would give this one a push. Frankly, Arizona is awful and KC should put up a big game against them. Then again, the Bears already gave me a delicious 18 points. You're fucked. Winner: Gepetto

Tally it all up, and what do you get? I'll tell you. Final score 118 - 100. Gepetto wins despite the monster day from Calvin Johnson. Kneel before Zod.


Keggers said...

The Bears fucked me, yet, I couldn't be happier.

Even if I lose, we win brother.

Gepetto said...

Yeah...that FJax/Green differential? Not so much.

Instead of "EVEN" I should have written "I get 20 more points than you"