LUOL'S DONG ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT: FISTO'S FOREST

At Keggers' request, I'm uploading (and reviewing) a very special video from his childhood. What we have here is some classic cinema, '80s style. Let's get started, shall we?

Wow.

OK, let's take a minute and review what's going on here. First things first: This Fisto guy is a total bear. I mean, let's examine the facts here:

1. Beard.

2. Tiny shorts

3. Christ on a cock, his name is FISTO. Which, as some of our Latino readers might notice, is Spanish for "fist." Don't even get me started on that spider thing that shoots sticky white stuff. The only way the show's writers could've been more blatant is if they named this character BUTTFUCKO, and gave him a boy sidekick who was walking funny and bleeding out of his asshole.

Back to the show...

I like how Fisto is reluctant to accept help from the girl at the end. Kind of like Bennett from Commando: "I DON'T NEED THE GIRL!!" And how he feels that Skeletor won't take him back now that he's "changed." I bet that's how a lot of young men feel after coming out to their parents. There's a deeper lesson to be learned here, people.

Well, now you know what Kegs talks about in therapy. For Luol's Dong A&E, this is Fisting Andrew Golota, getting the fuck out of here.

Winston-Salem Penis

For anybody wondering, this is the logo of the White Sox's AA affiliate, the Winston-Salem Dash. I have taken the liberty of improving the quality of this image so that you can see the true source material as shown below:



I mean, seriously. We couldn't do better than this?

Way to go, Rook

(Queef: Joakim Noah)

The recent Joakim Noah news must be talked about in greater detail. I mean, the guy was not only suspended by his coach (normal) but also by his teammates (unprecendented). What does this mean for our #1 pick and for our team? I'll tell you: it means we are in deep shit.

First of all, Joakim is coming late to practice, not learning the plays, and mouthing off to coaches. How fucking hard is it to learn basketball plays? We're not talking about a QB learning a new offense -- this is essentially expanded tic-tac-toe. This shows me that we have once again wasted our number one pick on shitty potential -- don't try and tell me that because "he's a high energy guy" I should be happy. He will always be a role player and will most likely never amount to anything worthwhile in this league.

Now as for the team in general, whats the deal with suspending him a game.? C'mon...where is the team hazing? This would've never happened in the old days. As the great Captain O'Hagan said, "There was a time when we'd take a guy like him in the back and beat him with a hose. Now he's got his God-damned unions." Screw sitting out for a game. I want to see a team beatdown. Now that would do something. Can you imagine? Noch jumping off the top rope to land an elbow on Noah with Big Ben and Kirk cheering him on? That, my friends, is team unity.

"So that was the second times I got Crabs..."

So until we see a team brawl or some back-of-the-bus-action (Keggers, you know what I'm talking about) the Bulls will be doomed for failure.

Note: I am going to the Bulls game this Saturday night and I will give my first-hand impression of the Lovabulls...but more importantly, the Matadors.

"Does this make you randy, baby?"