Monday, May 23, 2011

Why I Hate Basketball


That, right there, is why I hate basketball.

In what other sport are you not only able to be a gigantic pussy but are ENCOURAGED to do so in order to win? I mean, look at LeBron there - he is 100% flopping. The only way that could be a bigger flop is if he were advertising Gigli and the Rapture at the same time. Flat-out bullshit.

You try that in any other sport, and you become a pariah immediately. In football? You want to claim that the bad man hit you? Shut your fucking face or you will be annihilated. Ditto for hockey - you stop play in hockey because you're missing too many of your teeth for you to close your mouth without gagging on the blood. Anything else and you play through it. Hell, people frequently come close to death in hockey and play doesn't stop until the guy is near death.

The only other sport you can even come close with is baseball (let's face it, this is America, and therefore soccer is only good for watching the hot ass that the players import). In baseball, the only injury you can fake is pretending to be hit by the ball when you weren't. MLB is a non-contact game played by some incredibly out of shape people. Case in point, Mo Vaughn.

Take the picture already! All this standing is wearing me out...

Basically, baseball players are also floppers in their own way. They claim to lose balls in the ivy when they're too lazy to make a play, they need 40 minutes between swings to adjust their batting gloves, and they often take themselves out of games due to poor conditioning. Even with all of that, these guys are basically having bullets fired at them. Bullets that can kill people, ruin careers, and break bones. Frankly, if you get hit by a fastball, you deserve a base.

Basically, fuck you basketball and your goddamned flopping.

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