Friday, July 29, 2011

Do you know who you're talking to?

Didn't know Justin Beiber and JC share clothing...

I wasn't going to comment on this whole wedding breakup story (because it's asinine) but get a load of this:
So how was his relationship with former fiancee Kristin? “Kristin would call Jay a loser and a p**sy, and she’d scream it at him so everyone could hear. They would have fights about Jay being too conceited. They would also argue over how mean he was to people. She would make a point of saying hello to people in the hall, just to piss him off,” our insider laughingly tells us.

In January, they got into a big blow-out argument after Jay injured his knees during the NFL playoffs. He was diagnosed with a MCL sprain. “Kristin called Jay out, saying she thought he was faking the injury and told him he was worthless.”

If I'm the superstar franchise QB of the historic Chicago Bears, do I really need to listen to this verbal diarrhea from a 3rd rate reality TV castoff? I'm not saying JC has the right to be an asshole to everyone but he certainly doesn't need to come home from a long day at work, mostly comprised of 300 pound men trying to tear his limbs off for 3 hours, and get called "a worthless conceited pussy" by anyone, let alone some unaccomplished attention whore.

No doubt JC is a crappy boyfriend (human being?). I mean, look at this face:

He just found out he got a $50M contract.


He may be all the adjectives listed above but being exceptionally rich and famous generally allows you to create your own reality - including one without a nagging, ball-busting wife. (Yes, life is ultimately unfair. Sorry.)

Hey, at least we signed Roy Williams!


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Williams Deals, MLB Reels

For some reason, I always assumed that a beard was digitally removed from this image.

Well, that was quick!

In the blink of an eye, the Sox traded Mark Teahen and Edwin Jackson to get Jason Frasor and Zach Stewart. For those of you looking for a reason to complain, the Sox dealt Jackson (who is in the midst of the best season of his career) and a utility man for a relief pitcher (not something we need) and a prospect.

I couldn't even sell this as Devil's Advocate. I fucking love this trade.

  • Gigantic Salary Dump
  • Adds a RHP to bullpen (Bruney isn't exactly legit - Frasor is)
  • Frees up roster space for DeAza (and we saw how that worked out)
  • Gains Type B FA in Frasor
  • Gets Humber back into rotation
  • Weakens offensive bench versatility (does it really?)
  • Lose Type A FA in Jackson
  • Didn't get more for them
All in all, this is a great deal. The Sox bullpen is now truly filthy (Sale-Thornton-Frasor-Santos-Crain...holy shit), and Omar Vizquel was a better platoon partner than Teahen anyways. The move also allows the Sox to keep Lillibridge on the roster (also better than Teahen) while taking a free roll of the dice on Stewart.

The biggest "risk" here is that we lose offensive pop at 3B - it's between Vizquel and Morel now, and honestly, Teahen wasn't doing much there anyways. I would rather have the rock-solid defense. No one remembers, but the 2005 White Sox didn't exactly have a power offense either. 2 runs is enough to win a game if the pitching is there.

The real question is what does Kenny do with Quentin? He's on a hot streak right now, and this is probably the highest his value is going to get. The Phillies have also been drooling over him. The Sox have a 2012 option on him too, so it's not just a quickie rental for an interested team. Lillibridge can fill in while Viciedo heals, and then it's time for the Tank to get some at-bats. Not sure what we would get, but I suspect it would also be a cash-freeing move.

If only someone would take Rios...

I thought Cubs fans were the dumb ones...

Sunday, July 24, 2011

We're all in...sadly

This is bad.

Let's take a minute to realize what's going on here:

#1. The Cubs are terrible, the NL Central is a joke, and the PIRATES are in first place. Ergo, there will be no more Cubs discussion this year. Expect Fukudome to be traded along with Marlon Byrd and whatever else can get jettisoned.

#2. The AL Central is a crapshoot. Despite a hot start, the Indians have given way to the Tigers (1.5 game lead), who are only 4 games ahead of the Sox and 6 games ahead of the Twins. This is really anybody's game except for the Royals, who haven't been a factor in 20 years.

#3. The Sox have yet to get above .500.

So really, we have a lot of work to do before we can start talking about how the Sox are still "in it."

The major problems we have had are that money is being invested in abysmal performances. Dunn, Rios, and Teahen were all supposed to be worth their paychecks. Dunn was projected to hit over 40 HRs, Rios to have a .270 BA, and Teahen to bring some lumber. How's that working out for us? Oh yeah - it's pretty bad.

The other thing is that we're pretty stacked with these bad performances. It's one thing when you've got bad players making big money, it's another when they're blocking good youth from playing. Currently, everyone is stroking themselves numb about Viciedo and De Aza and we frankly have no room to bring them up. We have Brent Morel splitting time with Teahen, and Lillibridge fighting Quentin for playing time.

And we can't trade anyone.

Oh yes, we have holes to fill. We need a better CF. We need a better catcher (I like AJ, but come on). We need a better RF, and we can put whatever's left at DH. But let's face it, Dunn and Rios cannot be moved. Even if you bench them for the rest of the season, you need to trade pieces to make room for them.

The only possible pieces I can see the Sox moving are Quentin and Edwin Jackson. Jackson became expendable when Humber came to life (at a fraction of the cost), and Quentin seems to have peaked. I mean, yeah, the guy can carry you when he's hot, but when was the last time that happened? Quentin should be filling the role of DH or LF on a team, not RF.

Let's do a hypothetical here. Let's say that the Braves make a move for Quentin, and the Sox get some prospects. Viciedo gets the call up, plays RF. Is that actually better than Quentin starting there?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Fucking Warhol Museum

(Hank Willis Thomas, Something to Stand on: The Third Leg, 2007, Courtesy the artist and Jack Shainman Gallery, New York)

My buddy Horse sent me this picture from the Warhol museum in Pittsburgh - apparently, they have an exhibit open now on masculinity and sports and this is one of the pieces of art on display.

Um, are you kidding me? Number one, this shit isn't art (or you can call us "artists" for making up our logo 2 years earlier) and number two, this fucking Hank Thomas guy is straight up stealing our shit.

/quick google search on Hank Willis Thomas

Can we get sue for a billion in royalties? I bet that museum makes at least like, $100, and we would settle for somewhere in the $5-10 range (exponentially increasing our current revenue from this website). I'd also make a deal to settle for no cash but our "piece" gets a spot in the exhibit... it's only fair.