What The Hell Happened To: Curtis Enis

Coincidentally, this number was also his total yardage that year.

Drafted in 1998 as the Bears' first overall pick (#5 overall), Enis was expected to fill the RB role immediately. Rashaan Salaam had given himself a season-ending injury in 1997 (soon to be career ending), and the Bears had a great draft position. Keep in mind, the Bears were looking at some guy named "Randy Moss," but Moss had come off like a complete asshole during meetings (he missed a breakfast meeting because he wanted to sleep). This is, of course, entirely different from expecting Enis' holdout. I still think we should have traded up to get Ryan Leaf so that we wouldn't have taken McNown the following year, but I digress.

Enis compiled "amazing" 1998 numbers with the Bears, gaining 497 yards on 133 attempts (sound familiar?). The Bears decided to give Enis the full load the following year, and Enis "rewarded" us with 916 yards and only 3 TDs on 287 attempts (OK, now I'm seriously getting Benson Deja Vu). Need I also remind you that one of those touchdowns had a sliding "celebration" that involved a hideously ugly Enis posing in the endzone. I don't think I've recovered from the ocular damage (help me find this picture!)

After the 2000 season featured statistical regression (how is that even possible) and serious knee problems, the Bears decided to part ways with Enis -- he never played football again.

What the hell happened to Curtis Enis?

Enis retired in 2001 due to a degenerative knee condition. He appeared in an interview with Sports Illustrated about how "Champions for Christ," a Texas-based ministry, had "saved" him. This is also the same ministry that receives 10% of its funding from NFL players, and didn't exactly save him from that sexual assault case back in 1998. Also, Enis fired his CFC-based sports agent in 1999 to get "a new image," but so much for that.

After realizing that his knee was too damaged from his 1998 ACL tear, Enis gave up his dreams of returning to professional football. Taking a tip from other washed up players, Enis decided to go to Europe to try his luck there. He set his sights on Russia...

...except that he apparently never took a single geography class and wound up in Russia, Ohio. He tried to take up a sales job, but that unfortunately did not last. After realizing that no one knew who he was, Enis decided to settle down and take a job at Clopay, a building company that mostly specializes in garage doors and cabinetry. Enis spent a few years at Clopay (working the third shift), but decided that he should probably get an education.

Most recently, Enis was seen attending Edison State Community College with the cooperation of Miami County's Sheriffs Office to join...

\I'm gay! Really!

...the Ohio Basic Peace Officer Academy -- that's right, Enis wants to pull over people for speeding (something he could never do). Maybe when Benson retires next year, he and Enis can be the cops on a Dukes of Hazzard remake.