Sunday, February 14, 2010

So Long Frank

You think my THIGHS are big...just wait and see

As of 2010, Frank Thomas is officially done with baseball (even though we knew he was finished after a sub-sub-subpar season with Toronto/Oakland in 2008). For anyone living outside of Chicago, you probably are thinking "Oh, OK. He was good. I guess."

No, Frank Thomas was not "good."

Frank Thomas was fucking AMAZING.

In an era where the "top hitters" tested positive for steroids, corked bats, and stupidity, Thomas provided consistent production year in and year out. A career .300 hitter, Thomas was not exactly known for being "fast" but he was known for playing smart (Little known fact - Thomas is the only player in Major League history to hit over 100 sacrifice flies and not collect a single sacrifice bunt. Yes, the links are there for you people that don't know the difference). He's fourth on the all-time list for sac flies, often helping drive in stranded Sox runners instead of striking out while trying to launch a homerun.

Not only was he an absolute monster with the long ball, but he was patient. Thomas drew 138 walks in 1991 - the most of any player in a single year in that DECADE, not to mention the most since the 1960s. Oh, and did I mention that he is the only clean player of the modern era to have over 500 HR and a .300+ average? That's a list of big names like Ruth, Williams, Aaron, and Mays, and two people that probably shouldn't be there (A-Rod and Manny).

Speaking of 'roids...

No one, under any circumstances, accused Thomas of using. He fucking HATED steroids. Not only was he ACTIVELY involved in the Mitchell report (he volunteered, and was the only active player to speak up), but he also advocated steroid testing way back in 1995. If I were the best fucking baseball player of the last 20 years and some assholes who kissed their fingers and launched 60+ HR stole the spotlight, I would be pissed too.

Once you take some questionable names off the list, Thomas is THE hitter of the 1990s, hands down. Yeah, I know we covered this before, but it needs to be said again: Thomas is the best.

So long Frank, and thanks for the memories. I will always remember the sight of your gigantic thighs as you slowly lumbered out of the batter's box on one of your many extra base hits.

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