And with the 18th pick...

Percy Harvin? What the hell kind of name is Percy Harvin? That sounds like the name of the guy who would polarize magnets for you just before sexually violating your dog. Even so, Mr. Harvin is who Yahoo! projects the Bears as taking as their first round pick. Frankly, I don't buy it. Sure, the Bears said they were looking for a premier receiver, but after the David Terrell incident, I just can't believe that the Bears would take another stab on a receiver.

Harvin, aside from having the least intimidating name ever, is a raw talent with speed and explosivenes...kinda like Devin Hester. Why have TWO receivers to underthrow when one is enough? Now, I'm not saying that the Bears should draft another QB (we learned our lesson with Cade, thanks), but we have better things we can do with that pick.

For example:

Eben Britton, OT. He's got good all around talent, and lord knows our line needs the work. All signs say that he should be available somewhere around our pick. Here's hoping.

James Laurinaitis, ILB. We should be looking at replacements for Urlacher right about now, and what makes Urlacher so good (other than his eagerness to drive skulls into the turf) is that he plays smart. JL here is a close second.

Brian Cushing, OLB. See above, just replace smarts for the whole "want to kill you" thing.

DJ Moore, CB. Finally, a speedy Cornerback, something the Bears have needed since...forever. Peanut Tillman just can't keep up with the big playmakers, and if I have to watch Steve Smith annihilate us one more time, I'm going to be sick.

Also, if we could nab Duke Robinson (OLG) in the second round, that would be a nice perk as well.

After that, I trust our draft. We usually do pretty well with drafting defense after that point. Go Bears!

Mock You!-Mock Draft Analysis

Sure it's only Wild Card Weekend, but does that mean it's too soon to look at some of the mock drafts floating around? If you say the answer is yes, then fuck off. How's that for a well constructed argument?

The following mock draft was compiled by the fine folks at Windy City Gridiron.


1st- Pick 14
Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh


I don't know anything about Jeff Otah. According to the words I just typed above, he played for Pittsburgh. From what I can recall about college this year, Pittsburgh beat West Virginia in the last game of the season, and West Virgina put the smizack down on Oklahoma last week. My high school mock trial coach would disagree with me, but I say this means Jeff Otah can beat Oklahoma. That's pretty snazzy. Then again his name is close to Utah, and when I think of Utah I think of Karl Malone and all the annoying he did to Michael Jordan. Once again, my mock trial coach would most likely disagree that this is no reason not to draft the guy, but he drove a Datsun with a mini disco ball hanging from the rear view mirror and wore corduroy ties. Than again I just read that Michael Lewis book The Blind Side, and he says that the only player that are more important than the LT on any given team is the starting quarterback. That means that no matter how awesome Jeff Otah is, this guy makes more money than him:


But we do need help on the line, so I say he's a good pick.


2nd- Pick 45
Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville

I would be happy to take the time to write out a list of all the starting quarterbacks we have had since the 1985 Super Bowl, but I would most likely work myself up into such an angry fervor, I would end up scrubbing myself down with steel wool and crying in the shower again. Then again, look at the digital representation of that sexy bastard. The Orson Wells-esque low angle and the way the sun sets in his presence leads me to believe we may be on the verge of a second coming....so to speak.


3rd- Pick 77
Michael Hart, RB, Michigan

Obviously Mike Hart didn't have any trouble convincing Lloyd Carr that his being just a Hobbit's hair shorter than 4 feet tall wasn't a knock against him. Unless this loud mouthed midget can return the ring to Mount Doom, I remain dubious. Plus look at the list of Michigan rejects the Bears have drafted in the past. On second thought, don't. Shit, I just did. I need to take a bath now.


4th- Pick 90
Michael Hamlin, SS, Clemson

When people bring up the idea of drafting a solid safety from an SEC school I kindly remind them that we have Mike 'Motherfucking' Brown. Then they kindly remind me that the ligaments surrounding Mike 'Motherfucking' Brown's knees are made out of apple cores and cotton candy. I then get them in a headlock and give them a nuggy that would send Mike Brown back to the IR by week 4.








4th- Pick 109
Nic Harris, FS, Oklahoma

If you accuse me of choosing this photo simply because it shows a dirty Oklahoma Sooner trying in vain to tackle the human bowling ball that is Hugh Charles, well the guilty as charged. Fuck yeah. Go Buffs.
Oh. Sorry. What? More defense? I'm all for it. If he's good enough to start for Bob Stoops, he's certainly good enough for Bob Babcock---I mean Babitch. I do that a lot.