Freaks

Marshawn Lynch's Sister

Every now and then, I go through our site tracking information. Let me tell you right now, there are some sick fuckers out there who read this site. Some of the things people type in to Google and use to peruse our website are kinda weird. Here's 10 of my favorites from this past week:

#1. "dong dangerous"

I don't even know what the hell that means. It would be a cool detective name or something, I suppose, but you're probably in the wrong place.

#2. "what the hell happened to the badgers"

I clearly have no fucking clue. Stop asking.

#3. "dong the bounty hunter"

Dear lord, did someone actually search for this? Either someone really wanted to take part in our DVD giveaway, or there's a knockoff gay porno floating around somewhere. I'll ask Keggers later.

#4. "visual masturbation"

Yes, our material is JUST. THAT. GOOD.

#5. "fuck onion"

Somehow, that just seems messy...and probably a serious irritant to your man-parts.

#6. "dangerous creampie"

What is it with you people and the dangerous sex?! Am I missing something here, or does the danger get you off?

#7. "neckbeard contest"

Really a great idea...but we don't have one. Maybe when we get readership up, we'll give em what they want...right? And who actively LOOKS for a neckbeard contest, anyways? "Man, I haven't shaved my neck since '03...I'll bet I can win ANY neckbeard contest!"

#8. "cade mcnown sex"

Does anyone really actively look for that? He's going to missfire, and she'll put on her clothes and leave.

#9. "ohio basic peace officer academy curtis enis"

Oh, did you mean the Curtis Enis who went to the Ohio basic peace officer academy this year or the one who went to the Ohio basic peace officer academy last year? Please be more specific.

#10. "ditka on orton"

If not for the other 9, I would have assumed you meant commentary. Instead, you guys are fucking sick for wanting to see that (although, good call, Ditka WOULD be on top).

Shaving Cream Pies Are Dangerous

If you've seen a full season of White Sox baseball, odds are you've seen the shaving cream pie during the post-game interview as much as anyone. First rookie win as a pitcher? Cream pie in the face. Clutch hit? Pie in the face. Nick Swisher was bored? You guessed it.

With all of that cream pie-related shenanigans, someone was bound to get hurt:

"With an American League Central title at stake, the White Sox might consider ending one of their post-game victory traditions.

Backup catcher Toby Hall said his right shoulder was fine after teammate Jermaine Dye blocked his attempt at placing a shaving cream pie in his face during a post-game interview following the Sox's 13-5 win over Seattle.

Hall had his right shoulder wrapped in ice but assured reporters he didn't not re-injure his shoulder, which he separated in spring training of 2007."

I understand the "aw shucks I missed him," but an ice-pack!? That's just ridiculous. It's not like his pie toss got blocked and then Dye took him down with a Judo throw or something. At this rate, not only did Toby likely re-injure himself, but he probably did irreparable damage to Dye's fragile forearms too.

In unrelated news, Scott Podsednik heard this story and promptly hurt himself by smiling too hard. He will miss the remainder of the season.