Sox Notes: 6/30/08

Coincidentally, this is also the number of times Wood is expected on the DL this year.

Believe it or not, I'm not writing this to rub in the sweep. Let's face it - the third game of a highly televised series, with a sweep on the line? Why would I want to write about the fact that Brian Anderson, Jim Thome, and Carlos Quentin all went deep off of the highly touted Cubs? Why would I mention that Buerhle held them to just one run, and that the bullpen locked them down? Why would I even toss in that Alexei Ramirez is fucking incredible, and that the Cubs need to go back to AAA to learn baserunning?

No, here at the Dong, we're better than that.

Instead, I'd like to talk about some of the"finer" behavioral points I witnessed at US Cellular last night. See, when you get a bunch of drunk people, and then make them wear different colors, you'll eventually get some sort of violence. I happened to get a good look at a serious beat-down that happened near the Walgreens sign at left-center. No clear winner, but security took their sweet time getting there...



...because they were busy breaking up this doozy near the right-field foul pole. Want to know why they took so long to bail this douchebag out? That's right: there was ANOTHER fight going on!

Brian Nolan of Woodridge was charged with theft related to Saturday's fight in the upper deck at U.S. Cellular Field, police said. Nolan allegedly picked up some money that fell out of a woman's purse and refused to give it back. That led to several fans punching Nolan.

I mean, really? Really? Come on. You and I both know that the elotes at the cell are delicious and overpriced ($4 a pop!), but you don't pretend that the money is yours. What kind of passive-ass criminal are you, anyways? Kick her ass and TAKE her money, you pussy. Nobody questions someone with initiative.

The moral of the story: Don't fuck with the guy in the Thome jersey.

Cactus League

Buehrle needed a bigger mullet for his bigger truck.

Today is the first Cactus League Sox game (against the Rockies, at 1 PM). Here are the top 5 things that we're looking at:

#1. John Danks. Does he actually have a cutter? Is it as good as Josh Fields made us all hope it was? Please let it be a nasty pitch -- I don't expect a forkball, but something to keep your fastball looking, well, FASTER.

#2. Alexei Ramirez. Apparently takes grounders well enough to impress Guillen, but needs to show that he can pound the ball. It also doesn't hurt that Richar is still stuck in the DR.

#3. Kenny Williams. If he does this on a regular basis, he might just get more press than Ozzie. Let's hope he gets on someone else's case today.

#4. CF. Can Nick Swisher actually play CF? Will Owens be playing here after tweaking something the other day? Will Brian Anderson get a shot?

#5. Jim from Sox Machine. Bring us all the dirt that we want and can't afford to fly out to Tucson to get. Ask Jim to bring back things here.

Cuba Gooding

Alexei Ramirez looks good in that video -- he hits the clutch home run, and he runs 10x faster than Konerko just trotting around the bases.

Also, tearing at his shirt and then having another man slap his ass gets him extra points with Keggers.

You've got to wonder how they can do the whole "line of high-fives" before the game is even over. Maybe they were going to kill the loser with a lawnmower. Yeah, that sounds intolerant enough.

My gut instinct tells me to like Ramirez. Technically youthful, plays 2B, CF and SS, and is essentially a whole season's worth of Pablo Ozuna.

Then again, this is Cuba we're talking about. Converting from Cuban years is kind of like converting to dog years. Ramirez is listed as 26 in Cuba, which means that he's probably 38 in American years. He's going to be playing under his career numbers, you say? Um, he hit .332 with 87 home runs and 391 RBIs over the past seven seasons. Cuba ball is equivalent to AA ball, but shit -- he could play to 2/3 of those numbers and still be better than anything we've had at 2B or CF in a while.

I'm not going to make any crazy conclusion that the Sox are going to beat Detroit and Cleveland for the division, but hey, at least we're one step further from starting Richar, Anderson and Owens at the same time.