Oh, well THAT makes it okay -- asshole.I'm taking Fisting Andrew Golota's role here, but we all need to bitch sometimes. In Chicago, there is some sort of unspoken rule that leaving a lawn chair in the middle of the street entitles you to physical property. I don't know where this idea came from exactly (*cough* Wrigleyville *cough*), but it needs to stop.
For the uninitiated, this practice involves shoveling out a parking spot (or waiting for a plow to do it), and then planting a lawn chair there. This somehow magically entitles you to that parking space for the rest of the winter, and no one can take it from you as long as the chair is there.
Fuck you, guy with the chairs.
There's no reason you can't hunt for parking like the rest of us. It's not like I put spike strips in front of my apartment to keep someone else from parking there. If you want a reward for shoveling out a space exactly three hours before the truck plows it, PUT YOUR CAR THERE. Isn't that reward enough? If you need your own personal spot, GET A GARAGE. Hell, if you're desperate, I can break your legs and you can appeal for a handicapped spot on the street (because my block REALLY needs more of those).
Not only that, but 90% of you didn't do a single thing to earn that spot. The city plowed the street, you went down into the basement, pulled out a lawn chair, and planted it there. This isn't some Lewis and Clark expedition bullshit -- that's city property. Were you one of those people that licked things whenever they didn't want anyone else to touch them? What if I went into your backyard and planted a giant "Luol's Dong" flag on your lawn? Does that make the lawn mine? I saw it first! Grow up.
Also, what on earth is to stop me from simply tossing your chair over into the snow? If you can get out to move it, SO CAN I. It's not like the chair-based version of Excalibur or something: it's a 3-lb plastic lawn chair. I could probably run the damned thing over without even taking a scratch. As for the guy in the picture above (who DELIBERATELY PILED SNOW ON HIS CHAIR TO MAKE IT HARDER TO MOVE), what the fuck is your problem!? Not only are you making it a bitch for you to move your OWN damned chair, but it makes it more annoying for the rest of us to toss your chair aside like you were going to do ANYWAYS! Do you think it's somehow going to be harder for us to move the chair, but miraculously easier for you to park there?
So for all you readers in Chicago, I implore you -- throw a lawn chair for me. I don't care if you want to park there or not. Just grab one off of the street and toss it back onto someone's grass. Better still, if you feel like having some fun, find a spot marked off with a lawn chair, and fill it with objects that are difficult to move. If that guy is willing to move a fridge, three oak cabinets and a lawn chair every day, then he earns that spot every day by being the only person willing to put up with that shit.
If I can't park there, then no one can.
