Talk About High Stakes

"Swear to me!"

First off, before I go into batshit crazy mode, let's take a second here to recap understand what has happened. The Bears allowed the Packers into the playoffs by not finishing the job in Week 17. Instead of watching the Giants get steamrolled by the Eagles (or Falcons), we have watched Green Bay fight against the odds to make it to the NFC title game. Likewise, with a commanding win over the Seattle Junior Mints, the Bears are in the NFC title game as well.

Has there ever been a more exciting Bears-Packers game? Answer: NO. 1941 gets second place, but come on. Winner goes to the Superbowl. Loser goes home. Holy shit.

I'm not going to sit here and break down both team by position. That's stupid. The game is always close, both teams always leave it out on the line, and no matter what happens, you never feel like anyone dogged it.

This is for more than bragging rights. THIS IS FOR THE FUCKING SUPERBOWL. The very same Superbowl that will NOT feature the Colts or Patriots. This is a Superbowl against the Jets or Steelers - two teams that rely on a strong defense to win, but are both certainly beatable. We could very well see the Superbowl winner come out of next week's game.

Tickets are $500 a pop and rising. Who's with me!?

Superbowl Observations

Because we're in Chicago, we really have no pull one way or another regarding the Superbowl. Sure, part of me wants Arizona to win to make Leitch happy (and see more cookie sheet hilarity), and on the other hand, Pittsburgh amuses me because of Ben's supposed obsession with Choco-tacos.

Here are just a few of my observations:

- Steve Breaston looks like he should be in the 70s.

- The coaching staff spent the first three quarters looking for plays to call against Arizona. Cornerback punches Fitzgerald in the face? "Inciting violence - offense - 10 yard penalty." Apparently, a check must have bounced somewhere in the 4th quarter.

- Some questionable playcalling by the Steelers in the first half. Mike Tomlin just isn't as good without House.

It's 3rd and long? Try a run...and then follow up with an angiogram.

- Arizona's defense is terrible - why are the Steelers making them look useful?

- The commercials this year? Subpar. Where are the promised "1 second commercials" from Miller? Where are the funny commercials? Why are 50% of the ads featuring the goddamned Budweiser clydesdales!?

- That INT-to-TD return was hilarious and awesome to watch. Equally amazing was Fitzgerald's TD reception, and Santonio Holmes' "two feet in" catch for the win. Nice highlight reel.

- It's amazing what plastic surgery can do. Looking at Brenda Warner doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out - now I just feel queasy.

Old and busted: I love you grandma - er, I mean, "honey."

- Did Rooney really just thank Obama? Saying "If I weren't a Bears fan, I wouldn't hate them" is hardly an endorsement.

- Namath is so tanked that he just kissed a guy on his way to bringing up the Lombardi trophy. What a hero.

- Why didn't they review that last play where Warner "fumbled" the ball? It looked pretty clear that it was a forward pass motion (meaning that it would have been an incompletion giving Warner another 5 seconds to heave it to Fitz), yet the ball went to PIT immediately. Kind of a lousy way to win.

- The hats are Seahawks colors. Nice.

Trick question, Ditka IS god...

DITKA WINS!!

Obviously the most important part of the superbowl was that against all odds, Ditka predicted a Giants victory.

Having lost the regular season to heavy favorite Keith Jackson, Ditka stuck his neck out on Sunday and nobody gave the old man a shot.

Jackson had been extremely accurate all season while Smith and Johnson proved to be a formidable 1-2 punch in the playoffs. Ditka barely eeked into the playoffs by edging Mortenson 171-168 and picking against all odds, he predicted the biggest upset in Superbowl history.

Picking against hall of famers like Emmitt Smith, and Keith Jackson would have been hard enough but going against all 4 opponents in front of a record crowd would crush lesser mortals. Clearly not intimidated by Brady's strong arm and good looks, Ditka was able to anticipate a strong Giants pass rush and an unflappable (retarded?) Eli Manning. And, if you look closely, you could see Ditka licking Plaxico's tears...

Being such a huge underdog and picking the biggest upset in history, Ditka was thoughtful in his response:

"Who the fuck are you? Stop talking to me."

Graceful, elegant and always appropriate: Mike Ditka.