4/13 Game Notes

Not quite what they meant when they said he uses "gas."

I went to today's game (if you can call it that) against the Tigers, and let me tell you, we may actually have a chance to win our division. I'm putting it out there -- I can't imagine that the Tigers will continue to suck this badly, or that the Indians will not walk all over the division, but it is certainly a possibility at this point.

10 notes from today's game:

#1. New Sox statue. Why? We already know that '05 was an awesome year -- 90% of the ballpark reminds us of it. There's the banner, the segment in the opening video montage, all of memorabilia...enough is enough. Besides -- are we going to have to put up a statue for EVERY World Series we win? This needs to stop.

#2. Today was Kids Day. Parents ruined social lives forever by dressing kids as Scooby Doo, Superman and other outfits...but these kids are sometimes 12. That gets you into some trouble, no? I think that to really make things fun for the kids, they should replace the "Race Scott Podsednik" game on the Fundamentals deck with "Race Toby Hall." You want the kids to win, right? Let a cardboard cutout of Toby "run", using his realistic time of 3.4 minutes to reach the next base. For extra amusement, have the cardboard cutout vomit and damage its shoulder as it finishes. That's quality fun.

#3. Holy shit Chicago is cold. We had great seats (and a broken camera phone), but the sunlight was RETREATING from our seats, meaning we had some brutal chill by the 2nd inning. For all you vendors out there, GET SOME FUCKING HOT CHOCOLATE TO SELL! No one wants to buy a Lemon Chill from you when you can piss into a cup and watch it freeze for free.

#4. Detroit looks awful. We knew that the bullpen would be an issue, but is their rotation really this bad? Rogers was struggling to reach 88 mph, like he was afraid he would go back in time if he threw any faster. The Tigers lineup looked pathetic (and well paid), but that's not even the whole problem. Just a total collapse by the Tiggies today.

#5. Some guy proposed at the game. He had Southpaw come over (WTF is Southpaw, anyways?) and then he dropped to one knee and proposed. Then Southpaw gave them some merch, and went off to hi-five some kids. How big of a tool do you have to be to not use the JumboTron? You obviously wanted to make a public spectacle out of it because you brought a gigantic green thing in a Sox uniform (who, for some reason, was dressed as a Mummy on top of it) to cheer you on at a public sporting event (in winter no less), so why not go with the JumboTron? Did you think she was going to say no, and you wanted to do some damage control? She's going to remember you whispering into her ear, "the ring was really fucking expensive -- I can't afford the JumboTron and I have to do some sexual favors with Southpaw later. You so owe me. Bitch."

#6. Some people can hit, some people can't. Konerko and Crede brought the heat today with a Grand Slam apiece, and Swisher and Cabrera both put us in a good position to score almost every time they got up to bat. However, Thome and Uribe continue to kill rallies with slow speed and easy outs. If Thome could run, I wouldn't mind him grounding out as much -- but it always turns into a double play. As for Uribe, he'll still provide you with some random power, but he can at least play solid defense to make up for his pathetic showings at the plate. In a game where the Tigers issue 6 walks in less than 6 innings, you figure Uribe would at least TRY to see more pitches. Sheesh.

#7. Among promotions that would net you a calendar (like I got), today was also "Office Depot Advertising Day," as people were given big blank sheets to draw on and hold up. My sign would have been the best: "Paulie - I'm Pregnant. :-("

#8. Speaking of crazy-ass promotions, can we keep our hockey and baseball separate? There's now a "shoot a baseball with a hockey stick" game. I don't see how this at all relates to the game. And yet, we can't have this sort of shit at the United Center. I just don't get it.

#9. I think there's a conspiracy to keep Brian Anderson out of Center Field. How many legitimate Center Fielders do we have? If you answered "more than 1," you're wrong. Swisher is a LF/1B, Quentin is a LF, Ozuna is a utility infielder, and Ramirez should probably be in the minors. Yet, for some reason, whenever Anderson comes into the game, it's in LF or RF. I just don't get it -- it's like putting Cabrera at 1B. Yeah, he can do it, but it's really a waste of his talents.

#10. Someone get Jermaine Dye out of RF. He can still hit, so it's not like I want him benched or traded, but he certainly has lost any and all speed. Some of you are saying "I see highlight plays of JD making diving catches all the time!" Sure you are. Now watch the WHOLE play. If the ball is hit 4 feet in front of him, he'll get a slow jump on it, trot over to it, and THEN realize he has to dive to make the play. He really looks slow out there. Put him in LF, and let Quentin play right. Or even give Thome a break and let JD play DH. We have a surplus of outfielders (even moreso when Owens gets back), so we could conceivably start Anderson and Owens, giving Swisher and Dye a break.