Sunday, April 6, 2008

Just a Reminder

Just wanted to let all you Cub fans out there know that we still care about you at the Dong. Not only do we care, but since all the Cub-fan writers here are gone, we don't have to pretend we like you. Even sports coverage my ass!

Therefore, less than a week into 2008 baseball, let us have a little chat about some of the finer points the Cubs have brought us this season, hm?

#1. The pitching. Ah yes, the pitching. Nothing like having your ace get hurt (again) because of too much tug-o-war with Cyclops. That's a forearm injury that'll nag all year. Oh, but Kerry Wood is And maybe even tomorrow. Hasn't stopped him from coughing up the lead yet. Also, let us ruminate on your amazing bullpen of Carlos Marmol Marmol. Don't try and tell me that Howry is legit -- you know you're full of shit.

#2. The offense. Take Skullfuck out of the equation, and what do you have? Ramirez, Lee, Soriano and the guy who isn't Brian Roberts all sucking it up. Ramirez is below the Mendoza line, Soriano is below the Royce Clayton line, and hopefully, Sammy Sosa is physically crushed under the Red Line.

#3. Charlton Heston. He's dead, and it's your fault. Fucking Cub fans -- you were the 11th plague.

Enjoy 100 years.

UPDATE: Everyone knows you suck too.