Monday, July 5, 2010

Brian Anderson Update: Still Not on the All-Star Roster

I am Batman

Inexplicably, the All-Star voting did not result in Brian Anderson going to the All-Star game. It was not revealed how many votes he got (I'm sure it was on par with Albert Pujols), but there was some sort of behind-the-scenes collusion that resulted in a snub.

Of course, Brian took it all in stride, putting together his most impressive performance to date:

Anderson, the White Sox's first-round pick in the 2003 draft, threw a scoreless first inning Sunday in his professional pitching debut for Kansas City's rookie affiliate in the Arizona League. Anderson, the Sox's 2006 opening day center fielder, struck out two and allowed an infield hit to Yair Lopez of San Diego's rookie team.

Obviously, an overzealous editor got to this copy before it hit the press - let me give you the unedited version:

Brian Motherfucking Anderson, quite possibly the best player ever, threw a scoreless first inning Sunday. This should not surprise you, because he is fucking amazing. He fucking owned the other team. Seriously. They were all like "Oh Shit It's Brian Anderson!" and then the inning was over. Anderson, the Sox's 2006 opening day center fielder, struck out two batters, causing them to shit themselves. Also, it is believed that approximately 80% of the crowd wet their panties, including the males.

That's more like it.

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