Sunday, October 10, 2010


Luol Deng on Luol's Dong

It seemed like it was never going to happen, but today was the day, ladies and gentlemen. Luol Deng has signed Luol's Dong. As I expect to be struck down by a lawsuit within the next 72 hours (hey WTTW, we're also defacing Bozo the Clown's likeness on our t-shirts as well - two for one on lawsuits!), it's best to get all of this amazingness out in the open right now.

The day started innocently enough - due to some amazing timing and the incredible help of reader/slave Joseph, we were granted access to the Bulls' autograph session and open practice. The beginning of the day started with Benny the Bull and his best Whitesnake impression (although I didn't catch it on film, he did definitely spread eagle on that van).

Once we got inside, it was a mad dash for Luol Deng. I mean, this guy is CLEARLY the most popular player on a Bulls team that just got Carlos Boozer and already has big names like Joakim Noah and Derrick Rose - it's no wonder that there would be a huge line for Deng (note - it took us approximately 30 seconds from entry to get to Deng's table, and another 2 minutes to get to the front of the line. Sad).

This, ladies and gentlemen, is history:
But wait! How do we know Luol Deng can actually read?! I mean, sure, he went to Duke, but as long as you're either a basketball player or a rapist, you can make it there (note to Duke: want to make it three lawsuits? The more the merrier!). Obviously, this was going to require a little more work.

Next was John Lucas III and Kyle Weaver:

There was only one other signature on that shirt - of COURSE we got Luol to sign it! What, you think that we just wanted to get more autographs and made a dash to the shortest line (note: sorry guys, but you just don't have as much draw as looking at Boozer's fucked up hand - longest line on the 300 level).

But wait, what about the new guys? People that may not be familiar with the Dong need to be initiated proper, and so we go to Brian Scalabrine and Roger Powell:

As Scalabrine says, "That's Terrible." I mean, it's perfectly fine to do an autograph session for courtside tickets and deal with "autograph saturation", but COME ON. I love how he says he's not going to sign it, and then after a headshake, signs it anyways. Love it.

Powell's Signature - GOD BLESS!

By the time we finished with Scalabrine, there would be no more time for we did the next best thing and talked to some ushers. There's so much love here...

Yeah, that whole reading thing is hard. Obviously. Here are a few other reactions from the finest folks at the UC:

"Do you guys have business cards?" (Yes, he really asked this)

Proud fans

Clamor and commotion over the Dong

Luol's Dong? I dunno who it is.

So what's the moral here? If you're a new Dong reader, the point is this: we have accomplished what we set out to do. If lawsuits come to destroy us before we can send out T-Shirts to Scalabrine and friends, then so be it. We came, we saw, we were retarded. Vini vidi vitard.


Keggers said...

We've reached the pinnacle. Kudos, Gepetto, you've taken us to the promised land.

tb727 said...

That's REALLY funny. You guys should drop the "blogspot" in the URL, it'd be worth it so it's just lmao.

Maybe you can also get started a

Gepetto said...

Why not Derrick's Hose?