Ah, love

And stay the fuck out of my Captain Crunch!

This is one of those stories you read that's just too good to pass up:

Man loses eye in Cubs-Sox argument in Huntley

Steele and his fiancée, April Bieze, said they went to the Abby Cadabby-Sesame Street-themed party that afternoon for Bieze’s 2-year-old niece. Bob Czapla and the other men were drinking vodka and beer and started taunting Steele with claims that White Sox fans had missing teeth, Bieze said.

“We were going to leave, but they convinced us that they were just joking around,” Bieze said.

Yet the taunts escalated and turned more personal, Steele said. Bob Czapla punched Steele, and the pair began to struggle before the two other men helped knock him to the garage floor and started kicking him in the head, Steele said.

Steele’s nose and orbital bone were broken and he lost his right eye in the attack after he was kicked in the face with a steel-toed boot.

So, let me get this straight: you're at a fucking SESAME STREET-themed party, drinking heavily with your fiancee. This is already slightly ridiculous. Then, you start arguing with a Cubs fan who has been drinking. This is like calling Olive Oyl a slut to Popeye's face at a Spinach factory - probably not the best idea.

Best of all, the guy has friends! Two other guys helped get this dumb bastard to the floor and beat the shit out of him. You've gotta wonder what sort of comeback he had to "Sox fans have bad teeth" to get that sort of reaction out of a bunch of drunk Cubs fans.

My guess:

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom."
"Thanks for inviting me."
"This party sure was fun. My kids are having a great time."
"That's a mighty fine drain this garage has - I'd like a closer look."

So, the logical thing happens - Cubs fans beat the shit out of you and knock out your eye with a steel-toed boot. Go fig. The victim has a "hilarious" joke afterwards:

"They said I’ll be able to do pretty much everything except fly an airplane,” Steele joked. “If I fall down, my family’s going to fall down. I’m up for my family.”

I don't get it.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

"Smells like Head and Shoulders...but you don't have dandruff!"

"Exactly!"

I don't know what has happened to my favorite city rivalry in recent years, but I don't like it. Ever since the Sox won the world series in 2005 (not 1905), we've become smug and tolerant. I will see Sox fans going to Cubs games, and only showing an affiliation when the two teams play eachother.

That's not the way it's supposed to work!

Do you ever see Yankees fans root for the Red Sox when they aren't playing each other? I don't mean like when you root for the Cubs because they're playing the Tigers in a Sox pennant race. I mean like if the Cubs are playing the Cardinals, what self-proclaimed Sox fan would cheer for them?

Notice I say "Sox fan," and not "sports fan." I understand that there has recently been some sort of mutated offspring of Chicago sports fans that has produced "Chicago Fans," that root for both teams equally and generally hop on whatever bandwagon is best at the time. You are scum, and I hate you, but this article isn't about you.

No, this is a shout out to everyone that says "I'm a Cubs fan" and then goes out to root for the Sox. We may not be in your division, but we compete every year for fans and for presitge. With the Tribune no longer biasing the media (hopefully), things will be heating up even more in the coming months.

More importantly, I want to know what happened to my favorite anti-team shirts! Everyone knows the true strength of a rivalry by the anti-team shirts. Here's a basic look at what people should be wearing with pride:

#1.
Short and sweet. The years of failure on the bottom are a nice touch.

#2.
Again, classy and direct. Another clever play on the logo.

See, but these are where the creativity comes in:



I can't wait until baseball season...