Why the Bulls Can Win Tonight

"Room 443. Here's the key. See you tonight, stud."

Change of pace. Baseball season IS over, but it doesn't stop me from liking it more than the Whine-B-A. Even so, the Bulls head to Boston to play against the reigning champs...and I think they can win? Here's why:

#1. That guy in the picture above. Derrick Rose has provided the Bulls with the "star" player they've been waiting for all these years. Lots of guys with fundamentals is always good, but having one beast makes everyone that much better (see: Lakers). Interested to see what he can do against the champs - and you know he's got to be beating himself up over those four turnovers against the Bucks.

#2. The offense was spread and involved against Milwaukee. Yeah, I know it's only one game and one win, but the fact that the Bulls had six players with double-digits for points is always good (and directly a result of Rose's 9 assists the other night...). Oh, and Tyrus Thomas looked like the big rebounding machine we need him to be.

#3. Statistics. The Bulls lost every game against Boston last year, so you know they're going to try and get a bit more fired up this time around. Not only that, but Boston isn't playing that well - Paul Pierce is a one-man show to be sure, but if Garnett and Allen can't get their shooting percentages up, they may open themselves up for a beating.

Griffey is no Fonz

"Eyyyyyyyyy!"

In a move that surprises no one, the Sox have officially cut ties with Ken Griffey Jr. I always liked Griffey as a "clubhouse presence," but you can only pay so much per year for guys like that (*cough* Thome *cough*). As such, the Sox dropped a cool $2 million to make Griffey go away, meaning the Sox have a (larger) vacancy in Center Field. Notable options include:

#1. Brian Anderson. He's got the "field the ball" part down - he just needs to stop taking so many pitches that happen to be right in the strike zone...and then swinging horribly at sliders way out of the zone. A better plate presence will help, as I still believe Anderson has the tools to succeed as something more than a replacement OF.

#2. Jerry Owens. Just like last year, right? Owens is Podsednik reincarnate, and that comes with the good and the bad. He's a good contact hitter with blazing speed, and when he's getting on base, he can make opponents pay. On the other hand, Ron Santo could outrun one of his throws from CF, and Owens gets hurt as often (if not more often) than Podsednik did when he played here. Will likely need to stay healthy for an extended period of time to be considered anything more than a reserve OF/pinch runner.

#3. DeWayne Wise. Well, I kinda ran out of options here. If, for some reason, Wise is still with the team next year, he'll have an outside shot of making the team as a reserve OF. He can get on a hot streak with the bat and make himself useful on the basepaths, and his fielding is above-average.

#4. Free Agent. Given Anderson's track record - and the fact that he's the front-runner for the job, you've got to believe that this mystery player is the best option for the slot. Any guesses as to who it's going to be?

5-Tool Tool

This guy is Jayson Nix. Long story short, he's 26, coming off of his best (read: only productive) year in the minors, and the Sox just signed him.

The Good:
#1. He's young. Being 26 makes him younger than 90% of the team.
#2. He's an infielder! We can't have too many of those.
#3. He's coming off of a great year in the minors, posting a .303 average and .591 OBP over 303 at-bats.
#4. He reminds me of Iceman from Top Gun.

The Bad:
#1. He comes from the Colorado. Consider all those stats padded by at LEAST .050
#2. He lost the starting 2B gig...twice. This would normally not be a big deal, but he lost the job for the ROCKIES! They're awful!
#3. He got hit in the face by a pitch. Nice. Well, I suppose it's a plus that he was on the Olympic team...except when you consider all baseball talent in MLB is from Cuba or Venezuela.

Actually, as much as his stats may be padded, I like this move a lot. We get a relative nobody for 400k who can play the infield and is still on the right side of 30. If he's an offensive nightmare, we can see if he has the defense and speed necessary to make the team as a reserve. 400k to NOT have Juan Uribe is something I can look forward to.

Oh, and if he can hit? Hello starting 2B (or 3B, depending on Getz's progress)

Are we ready to care?

As far as I'm concerned, Chicago is a three-sport town. We like our football, baseball, and basketball (probably in that order), but generally spend our time worshiping the same teams instead of the good ones. I'll bet more people can tell you about Dragan Tarlac than name a single player on the Chicago Fire (who just clinched homefield advantage for the playoffs). I'll bet there's a good chunk of you out there than can name the entire starting roster for the Cubs and Bears, including reserves, but can't name half the starting lineup for the Blackhawks (now 3-0 at home).

The difference? By season's end, if the Blackhawks keep it up, you'll care. If the Fire win the whole thing - again - well, life goes on. The Fire gets no media attention - newspaper or television. I understand that no one gives a shit about soccer, but when you have a team in your town that's dominating, you tend to give them some attention and ride the wave. See a game, cheer from your couch, or at least get to know the game a little better so that you can pretend you "know" the team or followed them (sounds a lot like a bandwagon fan...Chicago clearly has NONE of these...). The Fire deserve your time, and are generally one of the best soccer teams year after year.

The Blackhawks are doing as much this year to draw attendance as ever (new record set at a homegame last week), and not blacking out games on TV definitiely helps. The Fire? I think I've seen one game - by accident - on channel 3 before I switched over to AUX to watch the White Sox 2005 Championship DVDs for the 3000th time (where's the Blu-Ray release!?).

Do yourself, and your town, a favor. Get yourself to care about the Fire - talk about Chris Rolfe's 9 goals (three of them gamewinners), Jon Busch's masterful defense (10 shutouts with a 1.10 goals-against-avg), or Andy Herron's inability to score a goal despite taking so many shots (the Larry Hughes of MLS). Also, and much more importantly, soccer players date hot chicks. Get the Fire some media time, and the Chicago Tribune will be a daily subscription to Maxim.

Freaks

Marshawn Lynch's Sister

Every now and then, I go through our site tracking information. Let me tell you right now, there are some sick fuckers out there who read this site. Some of the things people type in to Google and use to peruse our website are kinda weird. Here's 10 of my favorites from this past week:

#1. "dong dangerous"

I don't even know what the hell that means. It would be a cool detective name or something, I suppose, but you're probably in the wrong place.

#2. "what the hell happened to the badgers"

I clearly have no fucking clue. Stop asking.

#3. "dong the bounty hunter"

Dear lord, did someone actually search for this? Either someone really wanted to take part in our DVD giveaway, or there's a knockoff gay porno floating around somewhere. I'll ask Keggers later.

#4. "visual masturbation"

Yes, our material is JUST. THAT. GOOD.

#5. "fuck onion"

Somehow, that just seems messy...and probably a serious irritant to your man-parts.

#6. "dangerous creampie"

What is it with you people and the dangerous sex?! Am I missing something here, or does the danger get you off?

#7. "neckbeard contest"

Really a great idea...but we don't have one. Maybe when we get readership up, we'll give em what they want...right? And who actively LOOKS for a neckbeard contest, anyways? "Man, I haven't shaved my neck since '03...I'll bet I can win ANY neckbeard contest!"

#8. "cade mcnown sex"

Does anyone really actively look for that? He's going to missfire, and she'll put on her clothes and leave.

#9. "ohio basic peace officer academy curtis enis"

Oh, did you mean the Curtis Enis who went to the Ohio basic peace officer academy this year or the one who went to the Ohio basic peace officer academy last year? Please be more specific.

#10. "ditka on orton"

If not for the other 9, I would have assumed you meant commentary. Instead, you guys are fucking sick for wanting to see that (although, good call, Ditka WOULD be on top).

Bulls looking good!

Derrick Rose is going to be nasty...

The Bulls are 3-4 this preseason, with a lot of big injuries (Hughes, Gordon, Thomas, Ruffin). Blah blah blah... everyone knows preseason scores are meaningless. The only important thing to keep track of is development of the young guys and for the Bulls, things are looking really good.

First of all, Derrick Rose looks fucking awesome. It's one thing for a rookie to make a few highlight-reel plays and score a few points but Rose is dropping a LOT of points (30 last game) and the whole team turns to him in the clutch - and he delivers. He's taken his college game to the next level, using ridiculous speed to blow by defenders and he's able to finish the most incredible shots... high glass, dunk, floaters... the guy is unstoppable.

Tyrus Thomas looked strong in the first few games before he rolled his ankle, Hinrich seems to be comfortable with his reduced role and BoGo is as streaky as ever. This team is going to have a lot of energy with Noah and Thomas and a crapload of talent on the court. If Thomas can learn a few offensive moves (instead of just logging 2-3 awesome dunks and a few ferocious blocks every game) we might be in business.

Oh, and I can't get enough of this photo:

He kinda looks like a cross between Kurt Rambis and an angry gorilla.

Ponder that.

-KEG

Offseason Notes: White Sox

Although it looks altered, I didn't do a damned thing to this photo

So, I did it for the Cubbies, and the White Sox also have their own problems. Here's 5 quick moves that make the White Sox much better in '09.

#1. Trade Josh Fields. He's a butcher at 3B, strikes out more than Sosa in his prime, and is more of the same old "home run or bust" mentality that gets us nowhere. His inability to draw walks magnified by his unacanny ability to get hurt means a full season of Fields kills whatever trade value he has right now. Deal him in a package for a vet, or deal him for some relief pitching. Honestly, I would rather have Juan Urine up there. Yeah, I said it. This goes double if the Sox re-sign Urine on the cheap.

#2. Re-sign Toby Hall and Bobby Jenks. This is a no-brainer. Hall filled in admirably for Pierzynski, and has shown full recovery on his shoulder. Also, we've been REALLY lucky AJ never misses time. Gotta hedge your bets. As for Bobby, he's going with more finesse over power these days, but he still has the heat - did you see the post-season radar gun? Triple digits!

#3. Find a way to deal Thome or Konerko to the Angels. This is probably the least likely thing to happen, but it's a necessary move to fix a major problem with this ballclub. Two slow sluggers past their prime? Yeah, not digging it. Supposedly, there's a chance the Sox could nab Chone Figgins as part of a Konerko deal, in which case, I'm all for it. High average speedsters with a glove (read: Pablo Ozuna pre-suck) are always welcome here.

#4. DON'T trade Javy Vazquez. OK, he's a turd in the clutch. We get it. He's also a workhorse during the season. He gets a lot of K's, and usually gets his job done. For a 5th starter next year (after Richard), you can't do much better. Besides, if we deal him, you had better believe we're eating his contract anyways. Javy is a big step over Broadway, so I'm OK with it.

#5. Give Swisher the keys to first base. He's a step down from Quentin and Dye in the field, and putting him in center gives me bad nightmares of Mackowiak. He's got a good glove for a 1B, and if Paulie or Thome goes, you had better believe that the guy who sticks around becomes DH. I would much rather Anderson hit .230 in CF than Swisher hit .250 there.

Bears Postgame

The Bears "held on" against the Vikings on Sunday, and head into a bye week feeling pretty damned good about themselves. In case you missed Sunday's game:

THE GOOD:

- Orton. Again. Sure, he has one shitty underthrown pass every couple throws, but he definitely has the game smarts you need to succeed in the NFL. Hell, he's turning into a fantasy football option!

- Speaking of fantasy options - Greg Olsen is giving Keggers a reason to live. Also, he's making Orton's day easier, and made some niiiiiice catches Sunday. Oh, and Bears D? YOWZA.

- Booker's legwork to make a big TD for Orton. I guess you had to see it for yourself.

THE BAD:

- Booker's HANDwork on the two dropped TD's. Gotta work on that - the way we cough up leads, 50pts may not be enough.

- Everyone is hurt. Tillman, Vasher, Hester, Lloyd, McBride (bicep, right?) and so on. We're going to be doing our scouting mid-season at this rate. Looking for work, si? Trabajo?

- Since we dedicated everyone to the run, you'd think we could at LEAST hold down Purple Jesus. Nope. 100+, 2TDs, and over 5.5 per carry. If not for Gus Frerrote helping our offense, this post would be a lot less lighthearted.
THE UGLY:

- Marshawn Lynch. He's not on the Bears or Vikings, but he's just very unattractive.The ORIGINAL Geico Caveman

Bitch

BLUE ASH, Ohio – Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman is facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accuse her of refusing to give back their football.

Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash.

Police say one child's father complained that Jester kept the youngsters' ball after it landed in her yard. Police Capt. James Schaffer says there has been an ongoing dispute in the neighborhood over kids' balls landing in the woman's yard.

Jester said Monday she has received many calls and didn't have time to discuss the matter any more.

Jester is to appear in court next month. The maximum penalty for a petty theft conviction in Ohio is six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

I don't know what's funnier - the fact that this actually happened, or that this is the first time I've heard of it happening.

Oh, and, um, Chicago.

Mike Ditka alters the course of history (again)

An interesting tidbit I found on CNN:

Could Mike Ditka, the former head coach of the Chicago Bears, have changed the course of U.S. history?

It’s not that farfetched a question. Briefly, in the summer of 2004, Ditka was being pursued by Illinois and national Republican leaders to step in and run for the United States Senate against a newcomer to the political big leagues: Barack Obama, an Illinois state senator.

Jack Ryan, who was expected to be the Republican nominee on the November ballot in the Illinois race that year, had dropped out, and his party was scrambling for a replacement. They approached Ditka; he gave it serious consideration, and then, citing family and business obligations, said no.

The Republicans, in a puzzling move, then recruited Alan Keyes to come to Illinois from Maryland to run against Obama. Obama trounced Keyes, and now, if everything goes his way, may be a few weeks away from the presidency.

But what if Ditka had chosen to oppose Obama four years ago– and what if he had defeated Obama and been elected to the U.S. Senate?

“It would have been interesting, I'll tell you that,” Ditka said over the phone. From our journey on the campaign road I had called him in Chicago, to see if he, too, had thought about what might have been.

“I don’t know what would have happened if I had run,” Ditka, 69, said. “I really don’t. Could I have beaten him? Maybe. Maybe not.”

A lot of people in Illinois thought Ditka had a pretty good chance to win, had he accepted the invitation to run. Remember: four years ago, Obama was a relative unknown. He was back in the state senate after having been defeated badly in a 2000 primary in which he sought to run for the U.S. House of Representatives.

Ditka, on the other hand, was one of the most famous– and in many, many places, beloved– people in the state of Illinois. He was controversial, yes, but that’s what his admirers liked about him. He was instantly recognizable in every corner of the state– he would have drawn enormous crowds to rallies. Mike Ditka, the icon, against Barack Obama, the novice?

You can read the whole article by clicking the link above.  And while it's exciting to think about what could have been, keep in mind that this is Illinois -- Republicans usually don't get elected to jack shit here.