Press Conference

Phew! It's awfully hot under these interview lights. Let me tell you, there is no excuse for the way we performed today. I was watching the same game you guys were, and there's no mistaking it: we deviated from the gameplan.

Did you guys see Kyle out there today? He had two passing touchdowns - two! - and no interceptions. We're not running some Peyton Manning-style bullshit out there, Kyle! I expect to see at least two picks. And that rushing TD? What the fuck was that?! That play was supposed to have you get mauled in the pocket while your receivers all run in circles! I don't care if the season is over - we're going to practice the ZJ-Right-66 until next season if we have to in order to get it right!

Oh, and don't get me started on Devin. I had such high hopes for this kid on offense. Did you see the way that he took our offensive scheme to heart and completely stopped functioning on kick returns? Hell, we had to give the job to Ladyname Manning. That's true commitment right there! So why am I seeing six catches for 85 yards? You know what that looks like to me, Devin? That looks like showmanship. You think you're better than the playbook? There's a reason that you don't run any routes that take advantage of your speed! Remember we tried that, and for a few times, it worked when Kyle would horribly underthrow you. But making catches in stride? Just who the hell do you think you are!? Respect the coach!

Phew...I'm sorry, it's just that gameday gets me all riled up. You know how it is. Uh, I guess what I really want to say here is that while this season wasn't perfect, we did still manage to lose enough games to miss the playoffs. You can't lose every game - the Lions just happen to be the best at what they do. I'm going to be studying a lot of their tape in the offseason as they are the team to be beaten by next year, if you know what I mean.

Busting Out All Over

HOCHULI SMASH!!!

OK, so maybe it wasn't the best day for Ed Hochuli, but this is ridiculous. For those of you that are unaware, Hochuli made a poor choice that allowed Jay Cutler (who had only moments ago fumbled away the football) a second chance to win the game after calling his fumble an incomplete pass.

We get it, he fucked up. Still, why am I seeing national news coverage of Hochuli being "graded down," or pointing out that he hasn't worked a Broncos game in 7 years because he was unfair to them in 2001, and now he's overcompensating? The guy made an initial bad call by whistling the play dead (not a great view, and it was a pretty unlikely fumble scenario), and then the rules of the NFL prevented him from overturning it. He called it a fumble himself! It's not like he refused to see the play in review - there was just nothing he could do after initially whistling it dead. The call stands, the Broncos get the ball, and have to go back and earn that winning TD (they do - and go for 2!)

More importantly, why is Hochuli getting coverage at all? Off the top of my head, I can think of one ref more deserving of death threats and media exposure:

Phil Luckett

Now HERE'S a guy with a track record! While Hochuli is well known for being Brett Favre's personal statician and bodyguard, Luckett has been in all sorts of trouble:

- 1998 Seahawks bs Jets. Vinny Testaverde pulls a QB sneak on 4th down, and Head Linesman Earnie Frantz ruled that Testaverde scored (even though the ball did not cross the plane). As a result, Luckett receieved bad press for over a week about how he blew the game. It's his fault and he doesn't even make the call!

- 1999 Thanksgiving game between Steelers and Lions. With the game headed into OT, Luckett preps the coin toss. Jerome Bettis calls "Tails." Luckett thinks he says "Heads," and awards the ball to the Lions - who promptly drive downfield and score. Oops.

- 2000 "Music City Miracle" between Bills and Titans. Titans throw a lateral pass that appears to go forwards in a crazy play that results in a game-winning touchdown for the Titans. The Bills believe the pass was a forward pass, nullifying the play (and giving them the win). Luckett steps in to review...and rules it was perfectly parallel, and therefore a legal pass. Bills fans everywhere watch Marshawn Lynch play college ball for the next 5 months.

And these are just the first things that come to mind for Luckett - frankly, I'm too lazy to do any real research here. Besides, we all know that according to Hawk Harrelson, whoever is the ump when they walk a batter is responsible for "the worst umpiring call ever."

Got a better candidate for worst ref? Post below.

FUCK GOD DAMMIT FUCK

I was having a flashback of 2003, when it was interrupted by two consecutive Griese-bomb interceptions.

Maybe this will make the impending doom a little easier.