Monday, December 29, 2008

Press Conference

Phew! It's awfully hot under these interview lights. Let me tell you, there is no excuse for the way we performed today. I was watching the same game you guys were, and there's no mistaking it: we deviated from the gameplan.

Did you guys see Kyle out there today? He had two passing touchdowns - two! - and no interceptions. We're not running some Peyton Manning-style bullshit out there, Kyle! I expect to see at least two picks. And that rushing TD? What the fuck was that?! That play was supposed to have you get mauled in the pocket while your receivers all run in circles! I don't care if the season is over - we're going to practice the ZJ-Right-66 until next season if we have to in order to get it right!

Oh, and don't get me started on Devin. I had such high hopes for this kid on offense. Did you see the way that he took our offensive scheme to heart and completely stopped functioning on kick returns? Hell, we had to give the job to Ladyname Manning. That's true commitment right there! So why am I seeing six catches for 85 yards? You know what that looks like to me, Devin? That looks like showmanship. You think you're better than the playbook? There's a reason that you don't run any routes that take advantage of your speed! Remember we tried that, and for a few times, it worked when Kyle would horribly underthrow you. But making catches in stride? Just who the hell do you think you are!? Respect the coach!

Phew...I'm sorry, it's just that gameday gets me all riled up. You know how it is. Uh, I guess what I really want to say here is that while this season wasn't perfect, we did still manage to lose enough games to miss the playoffs. You can't lose every game - the Lions just happen to be the best at what they do. I'm going to be studying a lot of their tape in the offseason as they are the team to be beaten by next year, if you know what I mean.

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