Friday, December 5, 2008

Holy Shit I Hate This Thing

OK. What. The. Fuck.

"You want to keep warm when you're feeling chilled
But you don't want to raise your heating bill
Blankets are okay, but they can slip and slide
and when you need to reach for something -- your hands are trapped inside
Now -- there's the Snuggie!"

The Snuggie? What the hell? Enjoy looking like a member of some sort of retarded cult with this backwards robe! I love the premise behind the ad, too - it's cold. Not only is it cold, but you're a spazz who can't sit still. Worse still, if you want to, y'know, DO anything, you need to take your hands out of the blanket!

What if I simply put on a sweater, or maybe some fucking pants? No...that's absurd. Why don't I get off my ass for 30 seconds and turn up the heat? No, that would be wasteful. I know! I'll spend my perfectly good money on a wizard's robe!

"It's a blanket with sleeves!"

Yes, we have a name for those in society. They're called "long-sleeved shirts." If you desire a shirt for colder weather, may I interest you in a "sweater." It's like a regular shirt, but WARMER. Profound.

"It's like a backwards robe!"

No, it IS a backwards robe. There is nothing magical about this, except for the fact that you get to wear a fleece hospital gown in the comfort of your own home.

"One size fits all!"

Yeah, that's the funny thing about wearing a giant tent - no matter what, it's going to drape over your body quite effectively. It's a really really big piece of fabric. You know...kinda like a blanket - BUT WITH SLEEVES.

"Wear it to sporting events."

No. This is where I draw the line. You want to live in a world where no-one invented sweaters? Fine. You want to have a family of cultist freaks who roast marshmallows like the blood of the "impure?" Go ahead. But you're going to wear that shit to a sporting event? You can't be serious. Unless I'm missing some information about teams like the "Jacksonville Jedi", I can't imagine you'll be allowed to live if you wear that outside your home. Hell, I'm surprised you haven't been sniped for wearing that IN your home.

"Available in Royal Blue, Sage Green, or Burgundy."

And now I know you're not wearing that shit to any sporting event because no team would have those colors. Not even for a book light. Fuck you, Snuggie, and fuck you Antonio Gates for assisting in the premature demise of my fantasy team.

Damn it.

1 comment:

stalkingerinandrews said...

lol - I thought the same thing when I first saw this commercial. This has to be the absolute stupidest of the "as seen on tv" products. I'll bet the person who invented this wore his bathrobe out in public, and when he got made fun of, he put it on backwards and said "it's not a robe, it's a, um,'s a snuggie! Yeah, a snuggie! Nobody will make fun of me now!" Wrong!