And there's the white flag

We surrender! Please, get Jose Contreras out of here!

Well, this was something that I thought should have happened last offseason, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. The Sox traded away both Jim Thome and Jose Contreras last night, dropping the average age of the team by 5 years (10 when we learn that Contreras isn't really 30-something) and clearing a whole lot of cash for...well, we don't know yet. Probably re-signing Danks to a longer deal and then getting a free agent or two to replace the soon-to-be-gap from Jermaine Dye.

In exchange, the Sox sent cash to get these guys out of town and received Justin Fuller and Brandon Hynick. I don't know a lot about these two guys just yet, other than that Hynick (24) looks like he might be up for the 5th starter spot or long relief sooner than later. Don't worry about Fuller, as he looks like Brent Lillibridge part deux.

So what does it mean? There's a couple possibilities:

#1. The Sox want Tyler Flowers to get real experience
Flowers is hardly a defensive catcher, and with AJ being the force that he is right now, it's not likely that he would get the playing time he needs. However, I do see that a DH spot just opened up for a guy with bad fielding skills...

#2. Josh Fields is worth another look
Another possibility is getting Konerko some time at DH and having Fields play 1B more often. I find this less likely simply because Konerko is a great glove at 1B (he may not have the range, but he can pick missiles out of the dirt) and because Fields is allergic to belt-high fastballs.

#3. Scott Podsednik is unloved
If there's one thing I've noticed this season it's that Pods hasn't really gotten a lot of credit for anything since June, and he hasn't really done anything to earn it. With the acquisitions of Kotsay and Rios, KW is saying "I don't think you're an everyday outfielder." That said, expect Pods to be moved to a Timo Perez-like role next season if the basic outfield returns. If the Sox lose Dye or Quentin (or both), then he gets to keep his job in LF.

#4. Quentin?
Lost in all of this is that Quentin's contract (along with Bobby Jenks and a few other choice names) is expiring at the end of the season. As much as I want to think that the money saved on Thome and Contreras will be spent on a large FA acquisition or resigning a lot of these guys, I expect neither. Unless Quentin comes cheap (and with his injury history, he might), don't expect to see a lot of familiar faces next year. The only player who seems to necessitate a new contract is Danks. After that, it's all in KW's wallet.

N.O. to T.O.

Shirtless man for Keggers

Terrell Owens is a free agent. Whoop-de-do. All I've been hearing today is "I hope the Bears get him" and "How good would the Bears be with TO?"

The Bears AREN'T going to get TO, and here's a few good reasons why:

#1. TO's hands are turning to brick. Sure, he's still got great skills, but he would need to be that "first down guy" for the Bears. He drops more passes every season, and he's not getting any better. Seeing as the Bears rarely get the chance to complete a 3rd down because of our highly-predictable offense, having a guy around who may drop the occasionally good Orton pass could be catastrophic.

#2. Orton can't get him the ball. Aside from the fact that TO demands at least 10 pass attempts in his direction per game, Orton just can't get him the ball. The Bears offense is built around the run, and when we DO pass, they're short <20 yard passes. We don't do the deep ball because Orton can't throw it accurately. These things would not make TO a happy camper.

#3. Devin Hester is the deep ball. TO can do all the front lawn sit-ups he wants, but Devin Hester is still the faster player - especially as TO gets older. Seeing as the deep ball would be going towards Hester, that leaves TO with the possession role - not something I'm confident in.

#4. He's still a dick. Let's face it - you don't cut TO because he can't play. You cut him because he's a dick. He is the Manny Ramirez of football. He wants a trade every season, rips on his teammates, and generally causes a media stir wherever he goes. Seeing as the Bears like to stay low-key, I can't see this as a good fit.

#5. Moneymoneymoneymoneymoney. TO wants money, and a fat guaranteed contract to try and opt out of. We don't have that kind of money, nor would we spend it on TO if we did. Let's face it - the Bears have never given out big contracts, and if we did, we probably wouldn't have let Berrian go to the Vikings.

A Better Investment

One wipe for every Fukudome swing

To buy the Cubs, it takes $900 million. NINE-HUNDRED-MILLION DOLLARS. Good lord that's a lotta money! When you think about it, that's a pretty excessive investment for a team that's best known for losing. It's a waste of money in the extreme.

Here's some more useful things you can buy for $900 million:

Half of the New Yankee Stadium
3 brand new renovated Soldier Fields
4,283 naturally retarded ostriches
90 million copies of The Last Dragon
Repair Bulgaria's trade defecit - twice!
32 more years of Alex Rodriguez (at the current rate, no less!)
180 more years of Devin Hester

348,399,443 nights with Keggers
225 "I'm sorry for totally raping that girl" rings.
More than enough money to have Polka wiped off the face of the earth
36 billion game credits for that 6-player X-Men Arcade game
Some non-Rose talent for the Bulls
8 ZJs
14 different operations for Mickey Rourke's face

Man, someone get that family an investment agent, stat!

Guess Who Won't Be Buying the Cubs?

Cubs or hookers...Cubs or hookers...

Mark Cuban, accused of insider trading (with Mamma.com of all websites! How could you!?), will likely not be buying the Cubs any time soon. Aside from the $750,000 that he likely saved by selling off all of his stock early, he likely will have to pay many millions in the resulting civil suit. For a man with a net worth of $2 billion, that's a rather sizeable chunk of change. However hilarious that this may be (and I especially love Cuban's blog post), I don't give a rat's ass about Mark Cuban's finances.

What I do care about is if Cuban is still going to be a front-runner to purchase the Cubs. As of this precise second, I have two quick reasons that say "NO."

#1. Moneeeeeeh. Aside from all the money Cuban is going to lose for "damages," the economy is in the shitter as well. This is HARDLY a buyer's market, and Sam Zell wants to get every penny...including the ones that they threw at Kosuke Fukudome to warm the bench.

#2. Selig. Bud Selig spent the last few years trying to wipe away the shitstain on baseball that is steroids. After some careful work (investigations, upped steroid rules, blackballed Barry Bonds), the mess is "mostly" behind us. Still, that was a lot of work just because one thing slipped through the cracks. I really don't think Selig is in a hurry to bring in an owner with the possibility of illegal activity - and he does have the power to vote against him as an owner.

Cuban would really have been a good fit for the Cubs - deep pockets, cares about winning, and is a "man of the people." Hell, I'll bet he would have even found a way to force Nowitzki to play in right field. Not only would he have been a face on a franchise that has long been "faceless," but he would probably have given Chicago fans the vitriol we secretly crave.

Alas. He coulda been a contendah.

So Long Swagger

Damn it man, I said shave those sideburns!

Well, it was a fun idea while it lasted, but it looks like Nick Swisher and his incredibly friendly contract are headed for a different monochromatic ballclub.

Yankees Get:
Swisher
Kanekoa Texeira (I was so excited when I thought I saw Konerko and Texeira mentioned in the same sentence as the word "trade")

Sox Get:
Wilson Betemit
Jeff Marquez
Jhonny Nunez

The initial reaction I have is "damn it, we got fleeced." I think that Swisher is absolutely going to rebound from last season - Walker said something about there being a glitch in his swing that would take a whole offseason to work out of his system. If it would take Walker a whole offseason, you've got to figure that a competent hitting coach could probably fix it in less than a month. Likewise, Texeira pitched well in the minors, and has a good change to come up as a reliever, or maybe even get stretched out as a starter.

In return? We get Betemit, who is Swisher Lite. Betemit is a switch hitter and a utility infielder, but is much much cheaper than Swisher - and his career stats are on par with Swisher's worst season. In addition to Betemit, we get Marquez and Nunez, two unproven players in the minors. Marquez is already 23 and looks like he'll have a shot at being Nick Massett part deux (long relief, spot starter). Nunez, though, looks to be much more interesting, with a greater propensity for keeping the ball on the ground and not sucking.

Any way that you look at it, this deal means:

#1. The Sox want to free up some money. This is not surprising - money is nice to have. It may also pave the way for a FA signing this winter that may cost a little more than Jerry and Co. would like to spend, or maybe just to save some money. Who knows - maybe we could get some more of our guys under contract.

#2. Something was wrong with Swisher. This actually seems pretty likely the more I think about it. Swisher was in Ozzie's doghouse for the second half of the season (benched in the ALCS says something, doesn't it?). Even if it's not something between Oz and Swish, I still get the impression that it's an organizational difficulty of some sort. Maybe Swish was on 'roids? I hate to say it because I like the guy. I know Jerry and Kenny don't like to have users on their team, and maybe the writing was on the wall. I suppose only next season's stats will tell.

Stay tuned for more exciting off-season baseball!

Urlacher is a master (bator! bator!) negotiator

You don't deserve to be the face of a franchise

The Bears best defensive player of all-time just re-upped today, signing a multi-bazillion dollar contract for the rest of his conscious existence (through 2012).

On the one hand, this is awesome. Urlacher is the shit, plays hurt, dominates every year and is clearly the face of the franchise. Until recently, he also wasn't a whiny bitch but I'm pretty sure that phase is over (you'd be whiny too if Lance "AA" LamBriggsini was making more cash than you).

On the other hand (when it's not engaged in other behaviour), Urlacher is coming off NECK SURGERY this offseason and COULDN'T FUCKING WALK a few months ago. He's also just past his prime and will be a depreciating asset for the rest of his contract.

Let's hope he bounces back with a vengance and earns his paycheck for the next few years. I also don't know what I'd do if he ever played for another team... probably kill myself, like all the Packers fans when Favre signs with someone else in a month.

Sidenote: Lance Briggs is a fucking genius. Seriously. He was seen at 3 clubs that night, got completely drunk, drove his half-million dollar car into a pole in the middle of the highway and just ran the hell out of there on foot. So... they can't bust him for being drunk (he didn't even admit to driving the car until the next day and was never breathalized) and he got off with "leaving the scene of an accident and improper lane usage". No jail time, no DUI, no team discipline and no drinking accusation. Take notes Cedric... oh wait, too late dipshit.