Monday, July 21, 2008

Urlacher is a master (bator! bator!) negotiator

You don't deserve to be the face of a franchise

The Bears best defensive player of all-time just re-upped today, signing a multi-bazillion dollar contract for the rest of his conscious existence (through 2012).

On the one hand, this is awesome. Urlacher is the shit, plays hurt, dominates every year and is clearly the face of the franchise. Until recently, he also wasn't a whiny bitch but I'm pretty sure that phase is over (you'd be whiny too if Lance "AA" LamBriggsini was making more cash than you).

On the other hand (when it's not engaged in other behaviour), Urlacher is coming off NECK SURGERY this offseason and COULDN'T FUCKING WALK a few months ago. He's also just past his prime and will be a depreciating asset for the rest of his contract.

Let's hope he bounces back with a vengance and earns his paycheck for the next few years. I also don't know what I'd do if he ever played for another team... probably kill myself, like all the Packers fans when Favre signs with someone else in a month.

Sidenote: Lance Briggs is a fucking genius. Seriously. He was seen at 3 clubs that night, got completely drunk, drove his half-million dollar car into a pole in the middle of the highway and just ran the hell out of there on foot. So... they can't bust him for being drunk (he didn't even admit to driving the car until the next day and was never breathalized) and he got off with "leaving the scene of an accident and improper lane usage". No jail time, no DUI, no team discipline and no drinking accusation. Take notes Cedric... oh wait, too late dipshit.

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