Mini News - Hot off the press!

#1. Bartolo's Colon and Jose Contreras (combined age of 236) seem to be functioning at normal capacity - this is a good thing. Are we going to see both of them pitch 200+ innings? I don't think so, but a COMBINED 200+ innings isn't an impossibility...

#2. Likewise, Cabrera seems to be going to Oakland. 2nd round pick and sandwich pick, here we come!

#3. Housh on the Seahawks? Seriously? Man, the Eagles are going to be pissed...

#4. Micah Hoffpauir is a goddamned machine. If Spring Training meant anything in the regular season, this guy would be leading every ballot. Instead, he's totally going to be on utility duty this season. Sorry, buddy.

#5. Jay Cutler is not coming to the Bears. Where the hell did that possibility even come from? This story is so ridiculous that I'm not even going to explain WHY it's not going to happen - just trust me on this one. Now, Jake Plummer...

#6. Deng has no stress fracture. Please, continue sucking and playing at half strength. I almost WANT you to miss the time so that Salmons will get more minutes.

#7. Johnny Red Kerr and Stormin Normin - still dead.

Stories We Missed

Just a quickie here - two gems about Chicago today that we totally missed:

#1. The Blackhawks have heart, soul, and Happy Meals.

#2. The Cubs are a scandal waiting to happen (I actually toyed with writing something about this today, but what can you do?)

Around The Horn

Dumping links like a guy who ate too much sausage:

#1. Gotta have hustle in this town. It got Podsednik two extra years of suck, didn't it? Props for remembering that Gault existed. [Top Ten Chicago Sports]

#2. Finally! I can support Obama AND my love of baseball attire! [Big League Stew]

#3. Swagger-watch is officially in full swing. Let's see if AJ and Swisher try and get the stooges back together. [Sox Machine]

#4. The cheapest franchise in baseball upgrades...to this? [On 205th]

#5. The Bulls made some trade yesterday or whatever, but Toma Ohka!? WOW! [Foul Balls]

#6. If this is a common response to showboating, Tiger Woods had better watch out. [Deuce of Davenport]

#7. Sick, twisted, and unusually thought-provoking. Tough call. [Chicago Bull]

What You Missed

Dumping some links like a guy who ate too much sausage:

Julian Tavarez is doing juuuuuuuust fine...away from Chicago. [Center Field]

The 22 WORST DUNKS EVER. I especially like the guy who gets his leg stuck in the hoop and all of his friends abandon him [On 205th]

Ozzie's just being Ozzie -- which is another way to say batshit insane. I love it. [Foul Balls]

Possibly the Best Prank Ever. [With Leather]

Will Leitch came to visit our great state for (at least) his third stop -- and did you even say hi? [Deadspin]

Around The Horn

Around The Horn

Milt, please come coach the White Sox hitters. I'm not going to ask again [Bugs and Cranks]

This is the best story I've heard all week. Absolutely amazing. [Deadspin]

Who loves cleft lip? Have fun with the hate mail, guys. [Chicago Bull]

I've read it twice and I still don't believe it. This has got to be the worst partnership ever. [Deuce of Davenport]

You have got to be shitting me. THIS is why I hate Boston. [Dumbass Petition]

Around The Horn

Gotta love Carlito

1. Aaron Gray loves Baby Ruth and Louis Vuitton. In other news, Gray is literate. Wait, what? [Chicago Bull]

2. Finally! Maroney can get some shoe-action -- Oh Yeah! [Deadspin]

3. Osi, is there anything you CAN'T do..do? [With Leather]

4. Combaton. Getting through The Lull faster than ever. [Deuce of Davenport]

5. I don't know what's worse: that Drew watches Grey's with such attentiveness, or that I got all the jokes. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Around the Horn

Some things you should be reading:

#1. Screw You Rick Telander: Trust in baseball is one thing, but a HoF ballot? Let's ask Tom. [Foul Balls]

#2. Christmas Ape goes out for a night on the town with Philip Rivers...I wish I knew where that photo came from [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

#3. Sox leadoff hitter? Please. Jim evaluates the roll of a leadoff hitter and makes sense of the Scott Podesdnik OBP phenomenon. Where does OBPS fit into all of this? [Sox Machine]

#4. Hey Czechoslovakia -- fuck you. Yeah, that's right. Fuck you and your goonies. [My Brain Says Rage]

#5. Mike Tirico and the Dallas Maggots. I don't really know what else to say -- watch the clip for yourself [Awful Announcing]

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