Bears Hate Allah

Not seen: Moose dropping the pass

I did not see that coming.

The Bears have decided to part ways with Mushin Muhammad, ending what was a very sub-par run with the Bears. Moose was under contract through 2010, and knowing how much it would cost to keep Briggs around, every penny matters. Although, even if we weren't in a money situation, I would say that this is still the right move.

Moose is getting slower, older, and dropping catches. He came nowhere near his Panthers totals, and didn't do much to take pressure off of Berrian. With both Berrian and Moose gone next year, I expect Rasheid Davis, Mark Bradley and Devin Hester to step it up considerably as our "youth of the future." Also, we may be following through on that Marty Booker signing after all (who managed to outperform Moose in Miami, AKA receiver hell).

In other news, we gave Fred Miller the boot, and we signed Alex Brown to a contract extension. Whoop-de-do.

[Thanks to On 205th for the tip!]

Hester is fast, good

Like oil in water

Here is Devin Hester making the Pro-Bowl look like a Nike commercial, running circles around would-be tacklers.

I seriously don't know how he does it. This is the best combined Punt/KO cover team in the entire NFL and Hester is just playing around with them like it's a pee wee league. He's got to be the most exciting player in the NFL right now. The return man has so much added tension: the delay before the kick, the hangtime... everyone is watching the return man and the entire opposing team has a running start to try and take his head off.

Hester might be the most exciting player to ever wear a Bears uniform (and that includes Sayers, and Payton).

Oh, and I hope he takes that little ankle tweak out on the Chargers next season.

A Meeting with Ron Turner

"I knit this tie myself."

[Enter Turner to Soldier Field filled with Bears players]

Turner: OK guys, I know we had a bit of a rough season, but I think with the proper coaching we can set things right. Being a good offensive coordinator comes down to one thing -- the ability to coordinate.

Let's start at our major weak spot -- Hester.

Hester: What?!

Turner: Devin, I'm sorry, but defenses are going to be expecting us to use you, so we have to keep you out of the offense as much as possible. But that doesn't mean we can't utilize you to your full potential as a contributing member of the team! Here's my car keys -- why don't you go pump me some gas? You're going to be riding the bench for the rest of next year anyways.

Hester: Whatever, man [Leaves]

Turner: Now, for our next order of business, we need to get a real sparkplug in our offense...how about you, Curtis?

Enis: I don't even know how I got here! Some guy paid me $5 to touch my toes and then touch my dick, and when I woke up, I was here!

Turner: No matter. You're going to be our star player, Curtis. We can build the offense around you, as no one will suspect a running game from us this year. It was my plan last year to make our running game pathetic and worthless, and now it will pay off big time in 2008!

Benson: What about me?

Turner: Cedric, I think you would be best utilized as our punt returner instead of Hester. With you returning punts, we won't have to worry about the kicker kicking it out of bounds -- we'll have a chance to run the ball back every play!

Benson: But...I'm not as good of a return man as Hester.

Turner: Of course not! But at least we'll have more OPPORTUNITIES to return punts! Now go take that ego boost and use it to ask for a contract extension. Bwahahaha!!!

Bernard Berrian: [Aside] We gotta get Hester back in here, he'd know how to stop this madman...

[Berrian leaves, cut to outside where Devin Hester is pumping gas]

Hester: What does that asshole want now?

Berrian: Devin, we gotta stop this guy -- it's out of control!

Hester: Ok, I have a plan (inaudible whispering)

[Cut back to field]

Turner [Frothing at mouth]: Yes! Yes! And then we'll start a four TE front with Olsen, Clark and Gibson!

Olsen: That's only three.

Turner: Exactly! Then we'll start Rex at TE! No defense would be expecting that!

Hester: [From behind] OK guys! Now! Die you sonofabitch!


Turner: AUGH!!! I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world...

Weekend at Berrian's

"Making catches look easy since 2004"

I like Bernard Berrian. He's fast, can make great plays, and ultimately provides a safety net for Grossman's deep balls (that came out wrong). In the Grossman offense, Berrian is a necessary component. Rex heaves the short balls to Clark, the short-middle to Moose, and everything else to Berrian.

Interestingly, Berrian is a FA at the end of this season. He's on pace for 80 catches and almost 1,100 yards -- big numbers for a Bears receiver, and certainly worthy of the big bucks. In a Grossman offense, he's worth every penny.

Let someone else pay for him.

Call me crazy, but I don't think that retaining Berrian is going to help improve this team -- especially with Grossman on the way out. Hester has shown that he's an explosive offensive force, and he's faster than Berrian. Let him run those streaks with Rasheid Davis. Incorporate Mushin Muhammad into the offense more -- you know, that guy we signed for a huge contract not too long ago? Let's get our money's worth.

As a matter of fact, that style of offense can work. Look at Berrian's numbers when Griese was at the helm -- average of 5 catches for 60 yards and one touchdown over four weeks. Very solid, but nothing absurd. Moose, on the other hand, averaged 3 catches for 35 yards and almost a touchdown a week -- his only three touchdowns of the season came in that four-week span.

Along with Muhammad, Greg Olsen has put up better numbers without Rex, too. In those four weeks, Olsen averaged 4 catches for 40 yards and a 50% chance of scoring a TD. Again, Olsen's only two touchdowns and best games of the season came during the Griese reign. Even Kyle Orton managed to use Hester more on Monday Night than Grossman did all year (Hester can actually run a route that doesn't involve him running in a straight line like he was shot out of a cannon).

I'm not saying that Berrian is bad. I remember watching when Marcus Robinson and Marty Booker left the team, and I missed them dearly. On the other hand, I really think the rest of the team can flourish with multiple receiving threats instead of one. Berrian's best numbers came with the Sex Cannon, and with Rex likely out of town (or at least riding pine), Berrian becomes expendable.

I'll miss you Bernard -- just don't make the mistake those other guys made and go to Miami -- if you need an idea of how their QB situation has looked, Cade McNown was once on that team too.

Rextacy, meet Neckstacy

What the hell are they smoking at Purdue?

Let's face it: Kyle Orton with a helmet on is not nearly as entertaining as the Sex Cannon with a helmet on. First of all, you can't even see his neckbeard, and second, he can't throw it downfield like Rex can. Even still, Purdue saw something in Orton that prompted this drawing of a behemoth with a plasma grenade for a throwing hand.

That said, I've decided that Orton is more similar to Samson.

"I take Flintstones vitamins!"

Samson's power came from his hair, and without it, he was weak and powerless. Orton's power comes from his neckbeard being allowed to roam freely, and during the game, it was confined to a tiny little helmet, sapping his true strength.

Even weakened, Orton still had a respectable game. His TD pass was taken away from him (a solid throw at that), and he kept the Bears out of stupid mistakes for as long as he could. Short passes to take pressure off the run game would work if the Bears weren't facing the toughest run D in football. Orton was also the first QB to successfully work at making Hester a legitimate passing threat. Hester has his best game as a WR with 4 catches for 28 yards, and had a few close catches taken away from him (he got knocked out of bounds on a sideline grab).

Also noteable was the way that Orton utilized Peterson, who until then had simply been filling in for Benson. Unlike Cedric the Complainer, Peterson can catch the ball. Orton used him on the screen enough times for Peterson to rack up 8 catches for 51 yards -- probably the best receiving game for a Bears RB this season.

I'm not saying Orton is the answer -- I'm not even saying that Orton is a bonafide QB -- but I will say that he gives the offense a new look that at least forces us to use the short routes.

I wonder if McNabb is paying attention for when he has to do this next year.

I Think That Just About Does It

In perhaps the most disappointing fashion, the Bears 2007 run is over. Disappointing not just because of the loss, but because the defense held strong for nearly the entire game. This D played with more heart and energy than they had showed in any single game all season long. Urlacher looked like Urlacher, Briggs was the beast we know him to be, and we saw clearly why we missed Nathan Vasher so badly these last 10 weeks.

But alas, you cannot win football games on defense alone. Despite his pleas for playing time and to be given a second chance, Kyle Orton is terrible. To paraphrase a great man, 'He is who we thought he was'. The Bears are now left with a ton of work to do this off season. We need a quarterback, and we are going to need to replace some parts on both lines. But before we get into speculation, predictions, trade rumors and wish lists, allow us to mourn what should have been a great season.