Getter Done Jon

(In Russia this is how the menfolk stay warm)

Yesterdays headlines revealed that preliminary talks between the Jazz and Bulls might send Ben Wallace to the Jazz for Andrei Kirilenko.

Why wouldn't we do this?!

Ben Wallace is an aging center who comes nowhere near earning the money we pay him. Kirilenko is a solid defensive player who can actually SCORE down low. His upside is huge, and although he has been injured, he has also been at odds with Jerry Sloan for a while and is itching to get out of Mormon town.

Just think of our starting lineup:
Tyrus Thomas C- The man needs to get minutes so we can decide whether we will keep him or not
Andrei Kirilenko PF
Luol Deng SF
Thabo-SG
Kirk-PG

With Ben Gordon, Noc, Joakim Noah (and of course, Aaron Gray) off the bench we can actually put together a decent winning streak.

We need to mix things up -- the trading deadline is the 21st. For Godsake, Paxson, stop watching your game winning three-pointer vs. Phoenix and get something done! We are miraculously still in contention for the playoffs, and with a new acquisition, we might be able to make a second half run.

Sorry big Ben, I love the fro but you gotta go.

(He's going to fit right in the Salt Lake City scene)

Free Shipping

Reese's for breakfast? Way cool!

See, there's a problem when you spend a boatload of money on a player like Ben Wallace, only to find out that you have a younger, more effective center on the team in Joakim Noah. With a major contract difference, Noah can provide everything Wallace can (including horrible hair), except maybe the ability to bitch.

So, why are we sitting on this waste of space? It's only a matter of time before he loses more time to Noah and eventually spends more of the game riding pine. The Bulls are going to be re-tooling and getting older players out of the way. Not only that, but Wallace is already in the midst of a decline. If we sit on this, Wallace is only going to get worse.

So what do we do?

We help out an old friend:

"And then MJ was all like, 'but coach, I don't think I have what it takes to win this game,' and I was all motivational and stuff."

For the first time in a while, Jackson is at the helm of a legitimately competitive team. No longer just the Kobe show, the Lakers have been riding high on the success of man-child Andrew Bynum who -- oh shit! He's hurt? And he plays center? Hm...

With Bynum out for about two months, it's in their best interests to get a center to stay competitive. There's gotta be some sort of trade the Bulls can pull off here -- get it done, Pax!

A Night On The Bench With Joakim Noah

Beginning of the 4th Quarter: Orlando leads 110-79. Joakim Noah sits behind the bench.

Noah: YEEAAAHHH! This is where we dooooo it, guys! This is our time to shine! [dances]

Thabo Sefolosha: Durrr...lookit me! Me Joakim Noah! Here's where how we does iit [repeats dance]


Noah: ...who are you, again?

Sefolosha: Thabo Sefolosha.

Noah: Ghezunteit.

Sefolosha: Fuck you. Try passing ball to me when yous get off bench -- IF you get off bench.

Noah: Yeah, whatever. At least Luol knows where I'm coming from -- right Luol?

Luol Deng: Birdie...

Noah: ...what?

Deng: Biiiirdiiiiie....

Noah: What the hell are you talking about?

Deng reaches into Noah's hair, produces dove and quickly consumes it

Deng: Mmm...Birdie...

Noah: I was wondering where that went...OK, well what about Noch? Hey Noch!


Andres Nocioni: AUGH! OWWWW!! [whispering] Quiet, or they'll know I'm not hurt!

Noah: We haven't even inbounded the ball yet, you Italian retard!


Andres Nocioni: I'm Argenitnian, not Italian, dumbass [falls to the floor clutching stomach]. Augh! Ahhh!!!

Noah: Oh fuck this. C'mon, coach! Put me in! This is my big chance!

Coach Boylan: Um...let me check. I don't know if that's OK. Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?


Wallace [yelling from halfcourt]: You better not let that freak on my court!

Boylan: Sorry, Joakim. My hands are tied.

Noah: Sigh...we're fucked.

Obligatory Bulls Story

Yeah, that's right. On a day when two teams advanced to the next round of the NFL Playoffs, the two best teams in the East and West played each other, I'm writing about the Bulls. Why?



Because Afroman earned his paycheck tonight. Old Big Ben blocked (former Bull, current white trash) Brad Miller's shot with little time left as the Bulls go onto beat the Kings. True, he can't jump, he can't rebound, he definitely can't shoot, and he has carnie hands. But tonight, he is the hero.

Laugh it up, Windy City. As an obsessive and usually angry Kings fan (Come on, it's the only sport we have in Sacramento) I can say that it is no accomplishment. I know, because I came to that result after the Kings beat the Knicks the other night.....and then lost to the UnbelieveaBulls.