Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A Night On The Bench With Joakim Noah

Beginning of the 4th Quarter: Orlando leads 110-79. Joakim Noah sits behind the bench.

Noah: YEEAAAHHH! This is where we dooooo it, guys! This is our time to shine! [dances]

Thabo Sefolosha: Durrr...lookit me! Me Joakim Noah! Here's where how we does iit [repeats dance]

Noah: ...who are you, again?

Sefolosha: Thabo Sefolosha.

Noah: Ghezunteit.

Sefolosha: Fuck you. Try passing ball to me when yous get off bench -- IF you get off bench.

Noah: Yeah, whatever. At least Luol knows where I'm coming from -- right Luol?

Luol Deng: Birdie...

Noah: ...what?

Deng: Biiiirdiiiiie....

Noah: What the hell are you talking about?

Deng reaches into Noah's hair, produces dove and quickly consumes it

Deng: Mmm...Birdie...

Noah: I was wondering where that went...OK, well what about Noch? Hey Noch!

Andres Nocioni: AUGH! OWWWW!! [whispering] Quiet, or they'll know I'm not hurt!

Noah: We haven't even inbounded the ball yet, you Italian retard!

Andres Nocioni: I'm Argenitnian, not Italian, dumbass [falls to the floor clutching stomach]. Augh! Ahhh!!!

Noah: Oh fuck this. C'mon, coach! Put me in! This is my big chance!

Coach Boylan: Um...let me check. I don't know if that's OK. Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?

Wallace [yelling from halfcourt]: You better not let that freak on my court!

Boylan: Sorry, Joakim. My hands are tied.

Noah: Sigh...we're fucked.

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