Lovablog

Apparently, the Chicago Bulls cheerleaders (known as the Lovabulls) have their own blog.

(At your own discretion: http://my.nba.com/forum.jspa?forumID=300014499)

I've been meaning to write a piece on the Lovabulls for a few weeks now, ever since I went looking for hot Chicago sports chicks for our valued readers (see: http://luolsdong.blogspot.com/2007/12/its-friday-hit-links.html).

To say I was visually disappointed is an understatement. Not only that, but do they really think that someone wants to read their blog? I mean, fine, if they were ridiculously hot and wrote about some questionable late night escapades, maybe. Do I really want to read about their rigorous dancing schedule and how hard it is for them to be a mommy and go to practice? Do I care about your brutally devastating ankle injury (mild sprain) that put you out of comission for a month? I would go ahead and quote some of this mindless dribble but I'll save you the stabbing migraine (we're nice folks here at the Dong).

Generally, when a man with testicles sees a female in a cheerleading outfit, he becomes aroused. (Our own TPC is an exception, as he ejaculates before arousal.) You can imagine the confusion and potential long-term damage of my neurons as I tried to process the observations below:

MILF Divsion:

So these chicks (old women) are clearly in their late 30's early 40's. Not brutally apalling but nothing to write home about either. The last two really remind me of a lot of my friends moms (if they put on too much makep and a slutty cheerleading outfit). The first chick isn't bad, and would be tolerable if she took care of her man-brows.

Yellow Fever Division:

Seems like a nice girl... but is this the best we could do? There are approximately 32454354398519768743 billion Asians (I know, because they comprised almost every college class I attended (all 3 of em)). I'm sure you could pay a smoking hot Thai hooker $5 a month to shake her ass in a Bulls uni and I'm dissappointed in Jerry Krause and upper management for not thinking outside of the box.

Versitile Division:

This 300 pound bench pressing beast both dances on the Lovabulls and occasionally subs in for Luol Deng when his back acts up. She's got quick feet and is a decent perimiter shooter but unfortunately, can't score in the low post. Rebounds like a motherfucker though.

Absolutely Frightening Division:

YEARRRGH!! Where did they find these creatures! I don't even know what to say. Seriously. If I saw one of these chicks on the street, I wouldn't look twice. Now you pretend that putting them in a cheerleading outfit makes them attractive? As a red-blooded american, I am insulted

Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?


This is America. We deserve better.