Heroic Hurdles

Mad props to the naked guy for finishing...that came out wrong.

If you don't care whether or not the Olympics come to Chi-town, you might want to start.

As Chicago continues to proudly display yuppie neighborhoods to solidify a bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics, we at the Dong have to wonder if we really want them here. The Olympics are known for doing one of two things: bringing a lot of money into a city, or financially ruining it.

Chicago isn't exactly a poor city, but it's not in the best position to win the Olympics without spending some serious cash. Our subway system is slower than the digestion in my intestinal tract, and we don't exactly have a place to hold events other than Soldier Field and maybe the Cell (try and convince me that Wrigley can be considered safe enough for Olympic use).

But we're not here to talk about financial figures -- the real issue is that the Olympics bring assholes. Tourists and Cub fans are standard Chicago infestations, but imagine every hour being rush hour, not being able to go to work, and generally having the city shut down for about a month. Public transit will be clogged, Lake Shore Drive will be a mess, and the Chicago Fire would probably win another championship without anyone noticing.

What about our precious sports? To make room for the Olympics, they'll likely be banished from our fair city. Most of our MLB games could become away games, or worse still, "moved" home games -- do you really want to see the Sox playing at Wrigley and calling it a home game? What about the Cubs playing in Milwaukee? My thoughts exactly.

And for those of you supporters -- it's not like you were going to get a ticket to any Olympic event anyways. Basically, we're just paying a shitload of money to host a bunch of douchebags that are going to leave an awful mess when they go away without a thank you. It's really the same logic as to why I don't host New Years' any more.

I don't want these things in my town...do you?

So to the Olympics, I say this: take your freakshow somewhere else. I don't need to see people run around in circles as fast as they can -- there are mental health institutions for that kind of amusement, and they have free admission. I'd like to see MJ in a torch lighting ceremony, sure, but he's always been a fireworks display -- I can live without it for now.