Thursday, January 17, 2008

Get Inside Jon's Head

Did the Bulls really just score 126 points in a basketball game? That can't be my shitty team. The only explanation is...yes! I must have hit some sort of magical time warp -- when I was microwaving that burrito I set the microwave to :88. Yeah, that must be it -- a time warp.

So...126 points eh? Jud Buechler, you are the man! The United Center is going to be all over you tonight, because you are the PIZZA MAN. Wait a second...why am I wearing this lame outfit? I should be celebrating with my boys! I can finally relive the glory days and forget about my shitty team in the future -- the least I could do is look the part.

There we go! Oh man, this thing smells like detergent! No one is going to believe that I played in this!

[pisses on uniform]

Ah...that's more like it. The shorts are a bit snug, but everyone will just think I have huge junk. This is the best day ever.

Hey, they're showing the game highlights...

...what the?

That's my current team that scored 126? We actually played well and outscored the Miami Heat! The team came together, and worked as a single winning unit! I didn't hit a time warp...

...I just pissed on my old uniform for nothing?

Oh, Boylan's ass is so fired.

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