Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Grudge Match of the Damned

Only one is legally dead, but I'm convinced there's something up with Geraci.

Last Week's Results: After hacking down thousands of Bozo, Svengoolie runs out of steam and is ultimately outnumbered. Bozo wins in a landslide.

That said, let us welcome THE CHICAGO GRUDGE MATCH OF THE DAMNED!

Challenger: Peter Francis Geraci

Bio: An attorney for over 30 years and a graduate of DePaul, Geraci brings his dry talks about bankruptcy to the Chicagoland public on a daily basis.

Interesting Fact: Was accused of overcharging clients in 1998, but the case was thrown out due to it being based on only one instance.

Strengths: Speaking slowly, discussing bankruptcy on audio tape. Circling above dying travelers waiting for his chance to swoop in and devour the carcass.

Weaknesses: Anything moving faster than 3 MPH, sly humor. CD's and any other audio technology newer than tape.

Wow: Actually sued other bankruptcy firms for using the phrase "info tapes" as he claimed his firm owned the trademark for the phrase. Wow.

Defending Champ: Casimir Pulaski

Bio: Born to Poland in 1747, a condemned-to-death (attempted regicide) Pulaski went out of his way to serve the US troops in the Revolutionary War. He created the first US Cavalry, and died in 1779 from a wound sustained in battle.

Interesting Fact:
The wound required to finish this badass was a cannon shot to the groin. That's right -- they had to shoot a fucking cannon into his balls to finally take him down. What a beast.

Strengths:
Killing people, horse riding, lying to (and betraying) Russia. Sausage.

Weaknesses:
Cannonballs to the groin, finishing the job when it comes to regicide. Submarines with screen doors, locking self in motorcycle. Soap.

Wow:
Casimir Pulaski day exists as a compromise for the Polish people of Chicago that didn't want to celebrate Martin Luther King Day. Wow.

Vote for your winner in the comments!

7 comments:

Keggers said...

Wow, this is the most lopsided matchup yet.

Pulaski. No brainer.

Even with the Polishness.

The TPC said...

No way, I worked for Geraci the man is a beast. He would easily kick the crap out of Pulaski then sue him for damages.

Trogdor said...

1) My incredibly sexy wife is Polish and incredibly sexy. That defaults my vote to Pulaski.

2) My wife and I used to live on Pulaski/Addison in Chicago.

3) I once pulled my hamstring in a ski accident.

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

I think considering what my last article was about, I'm gonna have to go with ol' Casimir on this one. Fuck Geraci, that dude is an ambulance chaser who should shut the fuck up.

stalkingerinandrews said...

Has to be Pulaski. A cannonball to the nuts is an achievement for a man's man. That would be a hell of a video!

Gepetto said...

Geraci is getting killed in the voting, so I'm going to play devil's advocate here:

Pulaski gets cut down by Geraci's personal lawyer tactics crew (and maybe some grapeshot), and is eventually outnumbered and overrun. It would probably help if Pulaski's entire regiment wasn't also dead.

Dr. C said...

I went Geraci myself. He would file Pulaski for Chapter 11 with his fists