Monday, January 7, 2008
Kenny's Day Off
You know, it's tough working as the White Sox GM. My phone is ringing off the hook with potential trade deals all day, and I need to do what's best for the team to help us compete this year. It's really --
Oh God! A call! Hello? Hello!? You there!? I know you can hear me!
Yes! Yes, I'm very happy with my long-distance service provider...but I'm always open to change. I like to "shake things up," if you know what I mean.
(flashes trademark grin)
(listens for 5 seconds before interrupting)
Your "new and improved" service plan intrigues me. Make me an offer -- but don't try and rip me off! I don't listen to offers that don't make my team any better. I'm a GM who plays for the fans, and we're here to win NOW.
(listens for three seconds, nervously twitching the entire time)
OK, OK! I see that you're experienced in the ways of the trade talk. What about if I offer you Paul Konerko and $10 million?
(pauses, no response on the other line)
Fine, fine -- $20 million and Konerko! But that's my final offer.
(listens for two seconds as employee tries to explain that they don't accept players as payment)
OK, $40 million and two of our top prospects along with Konerko! Please, just don't hang up on me!
So we have a deal then! Fantastic! Notify the commisioner.
Man, I totally just ripped that guy off. We're going to be so much better this year. If you'll excuse me, I gotta go tell Paulie that he's been traded to the Comcast Triple Plays.