Monday, January 28, 2008

Another Lesson In Violence

Yeah. So when Keggers invited me to write for this site, I was confused at first. "Dude, you know I don't follow sports at all. I don't watch the games, I don't keep track of this shit. I didn't even know who Luol Deng was until I saw this site. His answer? "Uh…..don't worry about it. Write about something else. Just make it angry, and you know, funny and stuff. I gotta go take a crap."

So I sat around for a few hours, listening to Danzig and watching a film called Texas Asshole Massacre, deep in thought about what my first article would be about.

And then it hit me: The one thing vital to all Chicago sports. One thing more important to this city than Jordan, Ditka or pretty much anyone who ever played for the Blackhawks. One thing that I am intimately familiar with, while most writers on this site have never seen it up close. Yes, I speak of the one, the only…MAXWELL STREET POLISH.

I bet most of you are getting moist just looking at the size of that thing. For those of you who don't live in Chicago (or are pussy-ass vegetarians), I'll let Wikipedia fill you in:

"A Maxwell Street Polish consists of a grilled all-beef Polish sausage topped with grilled onions and yellow mustard and the optional sport peppers, on a bun. The sandwich was first created by Jimmy Stefanovic, a Macedonian immigrant, who took over his aunt and uncle's hot-dog stand (now Jim's Original) in Chicago's Maxwell Street marketplace in 1939."

Wait a minute…the guy who invented the Maxwell Street Polish was…Macedonian?!? I guess "Maxwell Street Macedonian" doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Ironically, it's pretty Polish to not even know what the fuck country you're from.

Regardless, Maxwell style Polishes are probably the best food ever invented. Once, I actually consumed only Polishes and root beer for a week straight and lived. My farts were awesome that week too. To all of you who don't live in Chicago: I don't have anything good to say about our suck-ass sports teams, but I highly recommend the Maxwell Style Polish to you. So, much respect to you, Jimmy Stefanovic, you crazy Macedonian motherfucker.


Keggers said...

So angry...

By the way, I dropped a deuce that would make Jimmy proud.

Gepetto said...

Danzig reminds me a lot of Jim Morrison -- not sure why. Welcome to the fray, FAG.

Fisting Andrew Golota said...

Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't deliberately trying to sound like Morrison at all. And thanks for having me, asslicker.

Keggers said...

Great name, btw.